Logistics for surviving parent after one passes away

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not your decision or your dad’s decision. This is your mom’s decision. She’s not a puppy who needs rehoming.

Honestly, if it were me I’d be as vague as possible with your dad to make it sound like you’re going to do exactly what he wants you to. It is definitely not his place to decide where your mom will live, but I wouldn’t try to hash that out with someone with a terminal diagnosis. If it gives him comfort to believe that your mom is going to move in with you, then I would certainly heavily imply that.

But in the end, this is your mom’s choice. She may have a certain amount of learned helplessness after living with your dad, who it sounds like was happy to take control of things. But she still gets to make that choice.

This.

After my dad died my mom did decide (after three years) to buy a home in DC too. She spends five months a year here so she can be near family. We anticipate that as time goes on she will move here permanently.

We have a similar issue where all she'll eat is some pre-made tuna salad from the grocery. So when she's here I make dinner.

When she's in her home town her friends take her out to dinner every few days which helps her get a good meal every now and then.

The issue, by the way, is not your mother's professionalism or intelligence, it's her ability to manage a household solo and learn that task at her age. We put all bills on autopay, but she also pays big $$$$ every time one of the home repair people even slightly suggests it. We visit her other home now and then to arrange for repairs and do small tasks.

So, yes, it's your mom's call. Don't make any big moves for at least a year because in that first year she's just in deep grief and can't make good decisions. Use this time to help her learn how to handle her own business.