Tell my teen — either go all in or get out?

[Anonymous]

I find that kids that are D1 ish athletes have low level depression when they can't do their passion. They might not even recognize it as depression because they think it's frustration and disappointment.

The reality is that you can't make her do anything. You can tell her to get a 2nd opinion and work hard in PT to come back, but if she doesn't want to there is nothing you can do. Also, don't tell her to quit, she either is going to succeed or fail. I'd also not quit I might be a team manager or something to stay active and involved.

There is rarely an athlete that does not deal with a huge set back, lots of pain, continuous PT, etc. This is part of the game, not something other than being an athlete.

Also, let her complain, you don't have to fix everything. Just stay positive and validate. I know this sucks, I'm sorry this is happening, I hope you can get back, let me know if there is anything I can do... not call the doctor, work harder, do more PT, quit.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she needs another adult to discuss the situation with her—we all know how much teens listen to their own parents.

Is there a coach or sports counselor she might take advice from better? I agree with the PP who suggested finding a PT with experience in the sport or who treats other athletes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a former college rower with a shoulder injury. In my case it was frequent partial dislocations due to an old swimming overuse injury. I switched sides. Would that help her? If she is port, have her switch to starboard or vice versa. It switches the angle of stress on the muscles and joints.

Rowers are tough. If she is a senior and crying with pain she is hurting - though some of it may be pure fear and frustration. You feel like this thing you love may be taken away from you, or like you may never be pain free again. Just listen to her.

The other thing that could help is a PT plan that involves others. My athlete son will do his PT when it is embedded in his workout with his buddies. I got him to ask to have the PT exercises included in the warm up, and since they are good for everyone Coach agreed.

Since she is a college senior this is ultimately her choice. Just hug her and tell her you love her.

Thanks for the info! The dr actually suggested she switch sides but she doesn’t want to - one of the many frustrations I have with all of this. I feel like she has had a multitude of suggestions and she is fighting them all.

One of the other issues I have concerns about is that she is picking a school based on the rowing team and being able to row - and that may not come to fruition if she doesn’t deal with this.

Switching sides is daunting, but it will make her a better, more versatile rower. And if she can row both sides as a walk on she has a better chance of making the team. What if the only spot in the boat is the opposite side? If she is open to it encourage her to learn to scull - that will also make her a better rower.

At the moment she should be doing dry land training, right? She can be building strength and cardio without erging and hurting her shoulder. And she could be doing PT exercises as part of her lift schedule. Is she communicating with the coach?

All of this is on her, though. You can’t force her.

I chose my college based on rowing. My son is going to choose his college based on baseball. I have a non-rowing career, but I must admit I still sometimes wish I had followed my rowing dreams farther, saw how far I could go, maybe taught and coached instead of doing what I do. I still row, still dream (literally) of the feeling of an 8 at dawn on a calm river swinging perfectly. Some of us need our sports to feel whole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a former college rower with a shoulder injury. In my case it was frequent partial dislocations due to an old swimming overuse injury. I switched sides. Would that help her? If she is port, have her switch to starboard or vice versa. It switches the angle of stress on the muscles and joints.

Rowers are tough. If she is a senior and crying with pain she is hurting - though some of it may be pure fear and frustration. You feel like this thing you love may be taken away from you, or like you may never be pain free again. Just listen to her.

The other thing that could help is a PT plan that involves others. My athlete son will do his PT when it is embedded in his workout with his buddies. I got him to ask to have the PT exercises included in the warm up, and since they are good for everyone Coach agreed.

Since she is a college senior this is ultimately her choice. Just hug her and tell her you love her.

Thanks for the info! The dr actually suggested she switch sides but she doesn’t want to - one of the many frustrations I have with all of this. I feel like she has had a multitude of suggestions and she is fighting them all.

One of the other issues I have concerns about is that she is picking a school based on the rowing team and being able to row - and that may not come to fruition if she doesn’t deal with this.

Switching sides is daunting, but it will make her a better, more versatile rower. And if she can row both sides as a walk on she has a better chance of making the team. What if the only spot in the boat is the opposite side? If she is open to it encourage her to learn to scull - that will also make her a better rower.

At the moment she should be doing dry land training, right? She can be building strength and cardio without erging and hurting her shoulder. And she could be doing PT exercises as part of her lift schedule. Is she communicating with the coach?

All of this is on her, though. You can’t force her.

I chose my college based on rowing. My son is going to choose his college based on baseball. I have a non-rowing career, but I must admit I still sometimes wish I had followed my rowing dreams farther, saw how far I could go, maybe taught and coached instead of doing what I do. I still row, still dream (literally) of the feeling of an 8 at dawn on a calm river swinging perfectly. Some of us need our sports to feel whole.

Thanks. Yes, she learned to scull this summer and is definitely interested but there is no sculling on her HS team.

Constant complaining about what she cannot do at practice. I have tried to focus her on what she CAN do, but bc it is com8ng from me, she is probably tuning me out. Her coach is aware - she hasn’t been erging for the last month. She is freaked out about that too bc it will impact her seat in the boat.

Sigh. Maybe I just need to be quiet and listen only. I’m just so tired of the drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a former college rower with a shoulder injury. In my case it was frequent partial dislocations due to an old swimming overuse injury. I switched sides. Would that help her? If she is port, have her switch to starboard or vice versa. It switches the angle of stress on the muscles and joints.

Rowers are tough. If she is a senior and crying with pain she is hurting - though some of it may be pure fear and frustration. You feel like this thing you love may be taken away from you, or like you may never be pain free again. Just listen to her.

The other thing that could help is a PT plan that involves others. My athlete son will do his PT when it is embedded in his workout with his buddies. I got him to ask to have the PT exercises included in the warm up, and since they are good for everyone Coach agreed.

Since she is a college senior this is ultimately her choice. Just hug her and tell her you love her.

Thanks for the info! The dr actually suggested she switch sides but she doesn’t want to - one of the many frustrations I have with all of this. I feel like she has had a multitude of suggestions and she is fighting them all.

One of the other issues I have concerns about is that she is picking a school based on the rowing team and being able to row - and that may not come to fruition if she doesn’t deal with this.

Switching sides is daunting, but it will make her a better, more versatile rower. And if she can row both sides as a walk on she has a better chance of making the team. What if the only spot in the boat is the opposite side? If she is open to it encourage her to learn to scull - that will also make her a better rower.

At the moment she should be doing dry land training, right? She can be building strength and cardio without erging and hurting her shoulder. And she could be doing PT exercises as part of her lift schedule. Is she communicating with the coach?

All of this is on her, though. You can’t force her.

I chose my college based on rowing. My son is going to choose his college based on baseball. I have a non-rowing career, but I must admit I still sometimes wish I had followed my rowing dreams farther, saw how far I could go, maybe taught and coached instead of doing what I do. I still row, still dream (literally) of the feeling of an 8 at dawn on a calm river swinging perfectly. Some of us need our sports to feel whole.

Thanks. Yes, she learned to scull this summer and is definitely interested but there is no sculling on her HS team.

Constant complaining about what she cannot do at practice. I have tried to focus her on what she CAN do, but bc it is com8ng from me, she is probably tuning me out. Her coach is aware - she hasn’t been erging for the last month. She is freaked out about that too bc it will impact her seat in the boat.

Sigh. Maybe I just need to be quiet and listen only. I’m just so tired of the drama.

This. She needs someone to listen as she works things out. Be there for her. She's not asking you to fix everything for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a former college rower with a shoulder injury. In my case it was frequent partial dislocations due to an old swimming overuse injury. I switched sides. Would that help her? If she is port, have her switch to starboard or vice versa. It switches the angle of stress on the muscles and joints.

Rowers are tough. If she is a senior and crying with pain she is hurting - though some of it may be pure fear and frustration. You feel like this thing you love may be taken away from you, or like you may never be pain free again. Just listen to her.

The other thing that could help is a PT plan that involves others. My athlete son will do his PT when it is embedded in his workout with his buddies. I got him to ask to have the PT exercises included in the warm up, and since they are good for everyone Coach agreed.

Since she is a college senior this is ultimately her choice. Just hug her and tell her you love her.

Thanks for the info! The dr actually suggested she switch sides but she doesn’t want to - one of the many frustrations I have with all of this. I feel like she has had a multitude of suggestions and she is fighting them all.

One of the other issues I have concerns about is that she is picking a school based on the rowing team and being able to row - and that may not come to fruition if she doesn’t deal with this.

Switching sides is daunting, but it will make her a better, more versatile rower. And if she can row both sides as a walk on she has a better chance of making the team. What if the only spot in the boat is the opposite side? If she is open to it encourage her to learn to scull - that will also make her a better rower.

At the moment she should be doing dry land training, right? She can be building strength and cardio without erging and hurting her shoulder. And she could be doing PT exercises as part of her lift schedule. Is she communicating with the coach?

All of this is on her, though. You can’t force her.

I chose my college based on rowing. My son is going to choose his college based on baseball. I have a non-rowing career, but I must admit I still sometimes wish I had followed my rowing dreams farther, saw how far I could go, maybe taught and coached instead of doing what I do. I still row, still dream (literally) of the feeling of an 8 at dawn on a calm river swinging perfectly. Some of us need our sports to feel whole.

Thanks. Yes, she learned to scull this summer and is definitely interested but there is no sculling on her HS team.

Constant complaining about what she cannot do at practice. I have tried to focus her on what she CAN do, but bc it is com8ng from me, she is probably tuning me out. Her coach is aware - she hasn’t been erging for the last month. She is freaked out about that too bc it will impact her seat in the boat.

Sigh. Maybe I just need to be quiet and listen only. I’m just so tired of the drama.

Not being able to erg in the offseason is unlikely to impact her seat - if she works hard to get stronger and fitter she won’t be penalized for rehabbing an injury (at least by any good coach). Boats are set once you are on the water and you seat race, because ergs are not boats and not every good erger can make a boat move.

With the drama…she’s a teenage girl, right? If the drama wasn’t for rowing it would be for boys, or friends, or grades, or theater, or whatever. There is drama because that is their life stage. It’s good she wants to talk to you about it! Better than rolling her eyes and slamming doors and shutting herself in her room to get stoned, you know?