High schooler, no friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hugs. My 10 year old is like this. It hurts to see him have nobody. I’m not clear if he doesn’t want anyone or wants friends and doesn’t know how to make them. He’s a quiet guy. He loves his family intensely and is a joy in many ways. I keep signing him up for activities in the hopes he finds someone, someday.

I could have written this exact message. My 9 year old little guy is like this too. Has maybe 1-2 friends, but has no desire to make more or seek out friendships despite being in activities and my encouragement to invite so and so over to hang out. Says he's happy with the 1-2 friends he has and doesn't need more friends. He's been this way since preschool--kind of latches on to 1-2 people and that's it but eventually those people make more friends and move onto groups and I fear the same will happen to him in ES with these two little friends. He loves spending time as a family and also finds joy in most family activities. But I do worry about what will come in MS and then HS without friends. He's going to overnight camp this summer and i'm hoping that will open doors for him in creating relationships but the pattern seems pretty well-established. It's painful to watch and observe.

I was like this when I was young, through high school even. I always had close friends but only 1 or 2. Luckily, there is less shifting of friendships in teen years so I kept the same best friend from 8th-12th so I was never alone.

I have TONS of friends now and make friends easily, in ways many adults now struggle. The reason I didn’t as a kid? Undiagnosed inattentive adhd. I was immature. I was confused and had trouble following group dynamics and personalities when it was more than 1-2 people. So after some grade school failures in friend groups, I stopped putting myself in that position. I matured and had a huge friend group in college, and now those adhd traits of being a little impulsive, less serious and less rule driven actually make a fun, easy friend to have.

Just something to think about.

[Anonymous]

My child was like that. Think I stressed more than they cared. Now in college, I am over the stressing, cause they chose the quiet life for college. They are never are out all night, no crazy frat parties, no drunkenness. Does do college sports games and college events. They have found so many activities and clubs to do, having that core group of friends is irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

My freshman had zero friends until a few weeks ago. Now he has exactly one. It sounds like your kid is doing better than mine, since at least he has some acquaintances and gets some messages. Mine belongs to some activities, but even after years on the same sports team doesn't even know the other boys' names.