How to manage teen starting to hang around with bad crowd

[Anonymous]

Are you a White family? You have to approach it like a non-White mom would approach! You have to put the fear of mommy in your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you force a kid to do sports or get a job?

Don't give them spending money.

[Anonymous]

PP again. Although, I worked in some food service jobs as a teen, and there were some shady people there, so getting a job isn't always a good solution.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for all of the replies. My husband is involved and a great dad. I've tried putting the fear of God in him, and he's generally pretty busy with his sports, but there is a 2 month lull between seasons right now. So far his grades are still good, and he loves going to work out at our local gym, but so do two of the boys seem to be trouble. I'm monitoring him via Life 360 and I do check his chats/texts, which is how I've found out some things. I'll see if we can fill the weekends with family stuff, but it's hard because I have another child who has commitments too. I'd love to find an outward bound camp for the summer. Will look into that, but not sure it's in our budget.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP again. Although, I worked in some food service jobs as a teen, and there were some shady people there, so getting a job isn't always a good solution.

Haha. 100% agree. If I had a kid drawn to the bad crowd, I would not encourage a food service job.

[Anonymous]

He’s seeking out these friendships bc he is seeking these experiences. Not bc he’s just a stupid kid who is easily influenced (I’d actually be more concerned if he was that weak minded)

Assuming he’s closer to 16 than 13, I’d ride it out. Ride him just enough that he toes the line. If he isn’t skipping class, keeps his grades up and isn’t doing anything dangerous like drinking and driving, you are better off guiding him to experiment without ruining his life. Nothing deflates their teenage rebellion phase more than you telling them you know what they are up to, explain how they can’t be a dumbass about it and need to do xyz if they must do this, and then not turning home into a prison over it.

Or, you can continue to watch and make him work to hide it from you, which also keeps him in line. What strategy is best depends on your kid.

I’ve seen so many mildly rebellious teens go down a bad path after parents freaked out. He’s likely doing totally normal stuff that you’d have no idea about if you didn’t read his messages. Ten years ago or more teens just lived like this and ended up totally productive adults, went to college etc. I’m sure you did and I did too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you a White family? You have to approach it like a non-White mom would approach! You have to put the fear of mommy in your child.

And that works?!

[Anonymous]

This is a hard situation. If his grades are still ok, he doesn't seem to be on drugs, and he is still in school, I would watch carefully. Once any start slipping set firm boundaries on these things, not his friends. So low grades mean no going out on the weekends, etc... You don't have to say who.

[Anonymous]

We're facing a tough situation with our teen and would appreciate any advice. We live in a wealthy part of Northern Virginia, where the average household income is around $1 million, yet our teen is connecting online with kids from poorer and higher-crime areas of D.C. These friends often lack parental supervision and have a lot of freedom, which is appealing to him.

Despite our efforts to set boundaries, he's seeking the freedom to stay out late and explore, even on school nights. The more affluent kids in our area are focused on sports and academics, which he dismisses as nerdy and boring. This difference in interests has driven him to seek out friendships outside his immediate peer group.

Given our proximity to urban areas, where these influences are easily accessible, we're considering drastic measures. We're even thinking about moving to a rural area with strong Christian values for a tighter, more controlled community vibe, or potentially sending him to military school to instill discipline and structure. We're not particularly religious and lean left, but we're willing to explore these options if it means setting him on a better path.

Has anyone here moved to a rural area for similar reasons, or chosen military school for their teen? What were the outcomes? We're trying to weigh our options and decide the best course of action to help our son find a healthier and more productive way to channel his need for freedom and exploration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Switch schools.

How do you do that when you are in public?

Pay for private.

[Anonymous]

As a parent and guidance counselor I can tell you that switching schools does nothing anymore. These kids have so many ways to keep in touchy hourly/minute by minute that switching schools is a huge hassle that yields nothing. It was the answer 10 years ago but no longer. I would highly incentivize working. Ive had parents who even match the hourly wage to get them working towards a car or a trip etc. You have to figure out what the carrot is and dangle it constantly. Also another avenue is offering something that seems fun and alternative. Ive had parents have luck with getting an electric guitar and lessons and starting to get into a new scene that way. Also offering an exchange program is a good way to divert.

[Anonymous]

Send him away for the summer.

[Anonymous]

How old is he?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send him away for the summer.

That’s so stupid

Parents are so lazy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a parent and guidance counselor I can tell you that switching schools does nothing anymore. These kids have so many ways to keep in touchy hourly/minute by minute that switching schools is a huge hassle that yields nothing. It was the answer 10 years ago but no longer. I would highly incentivize working. Ive had parents who even match the hourly wage to get them working towards a car or a trip etc. You have to figure out what the carrot is and dangle it constantly. Also another avenue is offering something that seems fun and alternative. Ive had parents have luck with getting an electric guitar and lessons and starting to get into a new scene that way. Also offering an exchange program is a good way to divert.

That wasn't the case for me. We moved our kid from one high school to another and that change in environment and from that crowd he was running with did wonders. Of course that wasn't the only thing we did but it's not true that changing schools and/or location has no impact. It absolutely can.