DD has $100 but doesn’t want to spend it while on an outing with friends, do you normally cover those expenses?

[Anonymous]

I think this boils down to how often your kid does social stuff. During the school year my kid only does social outings once every 6-8 weeks so I don’t mind paying. In the summer it’s a bit more so I occasionally have him pay

[Anonymous]

lol lol WHAT?! No she needs to spend HER own money so she knows the value of the dollar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:lol lol WHAT?! No she needs to spend HER own money so she knows the value of the dollar.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:lol lol WHAT?! No she needs to spend HER own money so she knows the value of the dollar.

If you think spending her own money will do this you’re a dolt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do help my teens with outing expenses sometimes, on a case by case basis. They both have jobs and a small allowance, but everything is ridiculously expensive these days. They went to the zoo a couple weeks ago with a group of friends and would not have gone had they had to spend the money, were debating about it, so I offered. My reasoning is I want them to have social opportunities. I missed out on so much due to having no money as a teen/young adult despite working, and I don't want them to be limited the way I was.

Exactly this. I was poor growing up and I missed out on a lot. If my kids are doing their part in school and around the house and aren’t asking for unreasonable amounts of money, I’m happy to pay for the movie ticket or whatnot. If they start in on a big fast food/starbucks habit, that’s on them. It’s a case basis. I realize that inconsistency may not work for other families, but so far it’s worked for us.

+2 same here. I really don’t want them missing out on social opportunities. My kids really don’t ask for that much and aren’t obsessed with having designer clothes or Stanley Tumblr or anything like that so I am happy to give them money for a movie or ice-skating. Especially important for my son who took a long time to recover from the social isolation and other bumps in the road during Covid. My son is now old enough for a part-time job but he is an athlete so during the school year he doesn’t have time. This summer I’m expecting him to work part time and earn some spending money for during the school year but I’m trying to keep my expectations realistic, since he will still be doing his sport a lot.

I was also poor growing up and missed out on a lot. My parents would give my brothers spending money but not me. I worked through high school and mostly used the money to pay for school lunches, thrift store clothes, and go to $1 movies with other poor kids. We lived in an affluent area and it really affected my self esteem now that I look back on it, like I didn’t really believe I deserved to have anything nice. I still have to work on that for myself. Some days I just want to pinch myself because I can’t believe I’ve come this far and I’m able to provide such a better life for my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d pay for something like this.
I guess in my head if it’s a social
Activity I cover it.
Today she went to a Destination Imagination event all morning and they sell pins there. She took $20 of her own money and chose 4 pins for $17. I’m not funding “ stuff”

Same. We never gave our kids an allowance, but are willing to fund activities they do with friends as long as they are within reason. I'm not paying for Starbucks every day. When they want to buy stuff, they use their own money. My kids are not incredibly social. If they had to spend their own money they would probably never go out with friends anywhere they needed to spend money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Birthday money should be for something special, not a normal social activity, at least if that’s in the budget.

Cat cafe is something special.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are frugal, but I don't want my kid to skip activities or feel like she can't because of money. So we take this approach: I fund all the basics in my DD's life - she funds the extras. So if my DD is going out for a meal with friends instead of eating at home, I pay. If she goes to Starbucks after school, she pays. If she plans an activity with friends (ice skating, movies, etc), I pay. If she goes shopping with friends to buy clothes she needs, I pay. But if she goes to buy makeup she wants, she pays. If she needs something but wants to buy the luxury version, I offer to split the cost. She seems to have developed a strong appreciation for work and is excellent at budgeting and managing her money.

How is going out to eat different from going out to drink? Both are more expensive versions of what your do at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do help my teens with outing expenses sometimes, on a case by case basis. They both have jobs and a small allowance, but everything is ridiculously expensive these days. They went to the zoo a couple weeks ago with a group of friends and would not have gone had they had to spend the money, were debating about it, so I offered. My reasoning is I want them to have social opportunities. I missed out on so much due to having no money as a teen/young adult despite working, and I don't want them to be limited the way I was.

Exactly this. I was poor growing up and I missed out on a lot. If my kids are doing their part in school and around the house and aren’t asking for unreasonable amounts of money, I’m happy to pay for the movie ticket or whatnot. If they start in on a big fast food/starbucks habit, that’s on them. It’s a case basis. I realize that inconsistency may not work for other families, but so far it’s worked for us.

+2 same here. I really don’t want them missing out on social opportunities. My kids really don’t ask for that much and aren’t obsessed with having designer clothes or Stanley Tumblr or anything like that so I am happy to give them money for a movie or ice-skating. Especially important for my son who took a long time to recover from the social isolation and other bumps in the road during Covid. My son is now old enough for a part-time job but he is an athlete so during the school year he doesn’t have time. This summer I’m expecting him to work part time and earn some spending money for during the school year but I’m trying to keep my expectations realistic, since he will still be doing his sport a lot.

I was also poor growing up and missed out on a lot. My parents would give my brothers spending money but not me. I worked through high school and mostly used the money to pay for school lunches, thrift store clothes, and go to $1 movies with other poor kids. We lived in an affluent area and it really affected my self esteem now that I look back on it, like I didn’t really believe I deserved to have anything nice. I still have to work on that for myself. Some days I just want to pinch myself because I can’t believe I’ve come this far and I’m able to provide such a better life for my kids.

This rings so true for me as well! My parents were not poor but MC and never helped me out with money. So all I had was my tiny allowance, then my low pay job. It didn't occur to them I might need more for just basic teen stuff. As a result of that I was the teen and then college kid who had the same outfits all the time and had to refuse invitations because I couldn't afford costs. Then they sort of realized their mistake with my brother and helped him so much more. It didn't teach me the value of money, it taught me that even the people who loved me most didn't think I was worthy of spending money on, so I must not be worthy. When I finally got money, it did not go away. I still also struggle with it to this day, my frugality is mixed with lack of self-worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no idea what a cat café is or if that was a typo. If this is not a particularly expensive thing and is the sort of thing you normally cover then I wouldn't make her spend her birthday money on that.

It's a cafe.....with cats.

[Anonymous]

My DD is 13 and gets $10/week for allowance. $1 goes into savings and she is not to spend that without discussing with us first.

She uses the $9 per week on what I would generally refer to as "junk," meaning trips to Starbucks, points/stars she wants when gaming, and stuff from Shein.

I cover all of her social activities and usually give her a little extra for merch or refreshments. This happens maybe 6-8 times a year.

So, OP, I would not make her use her saved up birthday money for the cat cafe. I would cover it and send her with $10 cash for a coffee or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD received birthday money recently and a few friends of hers are going to a cat cafe. She does not want to spend money of her own going.

Do you fund all outings with friends or does your teen?

I fund. I don't expect them to spend their $25 from grandma on a coffee and snack out with friends. However, DC wouldn't refuse if I asked them to so I think that's the conversation to have here...

[Anonymous]

We are happy to fund social activities and give some pocket $ but if it is something more expensive than usual , or has been overly frequent, I have them do extra chores to earn the $. We have 3 young teens 13-15. Most of their outings with friends are cheap- movies, local pizza place/arcade, Starbucks, attending a high school sports game etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD received birthday money recently and a few friends of hers are going to a cat cafe. She does not want to spend money of her own going.

Do you fund all outings with friends or does your teen?

No, if they have money they can spend their own money or choose not to go.