Career Oriented High School? Advice needed, son struggling.

[Anonymous]

will never need them in life (such as physics, chemistry, foreign language... or advanced math classes in late high school, etc.)

If his interests are coding and investing, he should keep an open mind about advanced math classes in late high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS sounds similar to yours but I'm a bit further down the road than you. In my DS's case, he always wanted to be involved with music (even though he never played an instrument despite my efforts) and basketball (even though he's shorter than average and is not athletic). He did very well in classes he cared about and abysmally in the ones he did. Like your DS, he saw no point in the classes he didn't think were related to what he wanted to do.

His prescribing psychiatrist gave me some excellent advice: Don't worry about grades. Focus on getting your DS through high school without depression and without a substance abuse issue. Everything outside of that can be fixed later. It was excellent advice. It didn't mean that I didn't have expectations/requirements of DS but it did mean that the priority was on health (we all know the risk factors for kids with ADHD/anxiety/LDs) and the longer depression/substance abuse can be delayed, the better the life outcomes. And, that whatever happened academically in high school would not doom him in any way.

So, my requirement for DS was that he graduate from high school with a regular diploma and that he make 'effort'. Effort is defined by completing all homework assignments and turning them in on time. It included re-taking any tests where he scored less than an 80%. The goals had no relationship to grades but making 'effort'. It didn't matter to me if he got a D in chemistry. It didn't matter that he failed to sign up to take the SAT. It didn't matter that he did nothing to get a driver's license. My requirement was for him to make 'effort' and graduate with a regular diploma. Which he did.

It wasn't until about February his senior year that it all came crashing down on him. He finally realized the consequences of his indifference. His friends were getting their acceptance letters, driver's licenses, etc. and he was feeling left behind. He already knew he wasn't going away for college, not because he didn't take the SAT or apply anywhere but because we were clear on behaviors we needed to see from him to have assurance that he would be successful going away for college. He didn't display them.

We would have been fine with DS going to vocational/trade school but he had no interest in that. He wanted to go to college so I helped him apply to NOVA. I can't say enough good things about it. DS was finally motivated to learn what his younger sister had learned in HS. It wasn't instantaneous and he needed more scaffolded support but he did GREAT! It was no problem for him to transfer to GMU and he has really blossommed. It is AMAZING. He still struggles at times but rather than complain about classes that have nothing to do with what he wants to do, he's seeing the bigger picture and understanding. We just had to get through what your DS is experiencing. HTH.

I’m the poster on page 1 whose kid is finishing HS partly virtually. I read your post a long time ago on the SN board and want to thank you. I think about you and your son when I’m discouraged or worried and it gives me hope. Your words were also more helpful than any therapist we’ve had. DH and I take turns reminding each other that our goal is to get him through these years without any addiction or major depression. DC was close to both in the past and isnt now so it’s a good thing. This is a little off topic but again, thanks, if you are following.

[Anonymous]

Treat the ADHD and support the issues. He may be deflecting and rejecting school because he does not feel successful. It sounds like he's not too interested in hearing rationale for school, however, you might try to get him to realize that the thinking skills, critical reasoning, writing and communication skills that he develops through subjects like history, english, etc. are the skills that will drive his success in any college or career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our 8th grade son is questioning why he has to learn certain subjects -- will never need them in life (such as physics, chemistry, foreign language... or advanced math classes in late high school, etc.). Wants to go to school only for "useful" things he will actually use in his life/job. We've explained endlessly the importance of all his classes. This isn't a passing conversation, but a constant source of stress in our home. Him begging us not to have to go to school -- hates it, hates school work. Emotional break downs. Anything outside of the box we should be thinking about? With two parents with masters degrees, all we know is the traditional high school/college path.... but are there different kinds of high schools we should consider? Schools in which kids specialize earlier in certain careers? We are in Arlington, but open to the DC metro area or virtual. He does like coding and investing and perhaps other careers. It seems awfully young to zone in on a path. And even still, I imagine he'd still have to take most of the traditional high school required classes. Or has anyone else dealt with this and have any other suggestions? Their child pushing back on needing/wanting to do certain subjects, saying they were "useless?" He's smart, but dysgraphic/ADHD disorganized, so that may be playing a role. School feels hard to him. He begs us to help him and relieve him from having to go to school all together, which of course we can't do. We're tying to help in so many ways, but still falling short. The stress and tears continue. He otherwise is a really good kid. Thanks in advance for any thoughts.

Colleague had kid like this. Public high school Night school and a job. Most high schools offer night GED classes to older students. This kid went that route and got a job as bag thrower at airport. Loved the job - and completed his diploma. Lost touch so have no Horatio update to pass but got him through (also night school had smaller classes and more interesting classmates/discussions)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He does not need to be taking foreign language in 8th. He does not need to be in math above Algebra in 8th. My guess is you have him in both.

How can you not take algebra or any math in general?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He does not need to be taking foreign language in 8th. He does not need to be in math above Algebra in 8th. My guess is you have him in both.

How can you not take algebra or any math in general?

You can take it in high school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS sounds similar to yours but I'm a bit further down the road than you. In my DS's case, he always wanted to be involved with music (even though he never played an instrument despite my efforts) and basketball (even though he's shorter than average and is not athletic). He did very well in classes he cared about and abysmally in the ones he did. Like your DS, he saw no point in the classes he didn't think were related to what he wanted to do.

His prescribing psychiatrist gave me some excellent advice: Don't worry about grades. Focus on getting your DS through high school without depression and without a substance abuse issue. Everything outside of that can be fixed later. It was excellent advice. It didn't mean that I didn't have expectations/requirements of DS but it did mean that the priority was on health (we all know the risk factors for kids with ADHD/anxiety/LDs) and the longer depression/substance abuse can be delayed, the better the life outcomes. And, that whatever happened academically in high school would not doom him in any way.

So, my requirement for DS was that he graduate from high school with a regular diploma and that he make 'effort'. Effort is defined by completing all homework assignments and turning them in on time. It included re-taking any tests where he scored less than an 80%. The goals had no relationship to grades but making 'effort'. It didn't matter to me if he got a D in chemistry. It didn't matter that he failed to sign up to take the SAT. It didn't matter that he did nothing to get a driver's license. My requirement was for him to make 'effort' and graduate with a regular diploma. Which he did.

It wasn't until about February his senior year that it all came crashing down on him. He finally realized the consequences of his indifference. His friends were getting their acceptance letters, driver's licenses, etc. and he was feeling left behind. He already knew he wasn't going away for college, not because he didn't take the SAT or apply anywhere but because we were clear on behaviors we needed to see from him to have assurance that he would be successful going away for college. He didn't display them.

We would have been fine with DS going to vocational/trade school but he had no interest in that. He wanted to go to college so I helped him apply to NOVA. I can't say enough good things about it. DS was finally motivated to learn what his younger sister had learned in HS. It wasn't instantaneous and he needed more scaffolded support but he did GREAT! It was no problem for him to transfer to GMU and he has really blossommed. It is AMAZING. He still struggles at times but rather than complain about classes that have nothing to do with what he wants to do, he's seeing the bigger picture and understanding. We just had to get through what your DS is experiencing. HTH.

I’m the poster on page 1 whose kid is finishing HS partly virtually. I read your post a long time ago on the SN board and want to thank you. I think about you and your son when I’m discouraged or worried and it gives me hope. Your words were also more helpful than any therapist we’ve had. DH and I take turns reminding each other that our goal is to get him through these years without any addiction or major depression. DC was close to both in the past and isnt now so it’s a good thing. This is a little off topic but again, thanks, if you are following.

I want to add my gratitude for sharing as well. My DS had major depression. He’s much better now and our current goal is for him to graduate high school without a relapse. Your post helps remind me to not worry about the rest, and it will eventually work out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS sounds similar to yours but I'm a bit further down the road than you. In my DS's case, he always wanted to be involved with music (even though he never played an instrument despite my efforts) and basketball (even though he's shorter than average and is not athletic). He did very well in classes he cared about and abysmally in the ones he did. Like your DS, he saw no point in the classes he didn't think were related to what he wanted to do.

His prescribing psychiatrist gave me some excellent advice: Don't worry about grades. Focus on getting your DS through high school without depression and without a substance abuse issue. Everything outside of that can be fixed later. It was excellent advice. It didn't mean that I didn't have expectations/requirements of DS but it did mean that the priority was on health (we all know the risk factors for kids with ADHD/anxiety/LDs) and the longer depression/substance abuse can be delayed, the better the life outcomes. And, that whatever happened academically in high school would not doom him in any way.

So, my requirement for DS was that he graduate from high school with a regular diploma and that he make 'effort'. Effort is defined by completing all homework assignments and turning them in on time. It included re-taking any tests where he scored less than an 80%. The goals had no relationship to grades but making 'effort'. It didn't matter to me if he got a D in chemistry. It didn't matter that he failed to sign up to take the SAT. It didn't matter that he did nothing to get a driver's license. My requirement was for him to make 'effort' and graduate with a regular diploma. Which he did.

It wasn't until about February his senior year that it all came crashing down on him. He finally realized the consequences of his indifference. His friends were getting their acceptance letters, driver's licenses, etc. and he was feeling left behind. He already knew he wasn't going away for college, not because he didn't take the SAT or apply anywhere but because we were clear on behaviors we needed to see from him to have assurance that he would be successful going away for college. He didn't display them.

We would have been fine with DS going to vocational/trade school but he had no interest in that. He wanted to go to college so I helped him apply to NOVA. I can't say enough good things about it. DS was finally motivated to learn what his younger sister had learned in HS. It wasn't instantaneous and he needed more scaffolded support but he did GREAT! It was no problem for him to transfer to GMU and he has really blossommed. It is AMAZING. He still struggles at times but rather than complain about classes that have nothing to do with what he wants to do, he's seeing the bigger picture and understanding. We just had to get through what your DS is experiencing. HTH.

I’m the poster on page 1 whose kid is finishing HS partly virtually. I read your post a long time ago on the SN board and want to thank you. I think about you and your son when I’m discouraged or worried and it gives me hope. Your words were also more helpful than any therapist we’ve had. DH and I take turns reminding each other that our goal is to get him through these years without any addiction or major depression. DC was close to both in the past and isnt now so it’s a good thing. This is a little off topic but again, thanks, if you are following.

I want to add my gratitude for sharing as well. My DS had major depression. He’s much better now and our current goal is for him to graduate high school without a relapse. Your post helps remind me to not worry about the rest, and it will eventually work out.

13:42 here who shared the psychiatrist's advice. I'm SO very glad sharing it helped you like it did me. It, literally, was life changing for us. It really has been okay. Hugs to you both!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read Self Driven Child.

I am starting to come to the conclusion that this book is overrated. And I am a long time fan of Bill Stixrud. What do you think The Self-Driven Child offers to OP?

Thank you! This book made me crazy. It basically says, let your child have autonomy and they will develop independently, with one big asterisk: UNLESS THE KID HAS ADHD OR ASD IN WHICH CASE THEY WON’T.

No sh!t. That’s why I I’m reading the book. Absolutely no advice for what to do then.