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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DS sounds similar to yours but I'm a bit further down the road than you.  In my DS's case, he always wanted to be involved with music (even though he never played an instrument despite my efforts) and basketball (even though he's shorter than average and is not athletic).  He did very well in classes he cared about and abysmally in the ones he did.  Like your DS, he saw no point in the classes he didn't think were related to what he wanted to do.

His prescribing psychiatrist gave me some excellent advice:  [i]Don't worry about grades.  Focus on getting your DS through high school without depression and without a substance abuse issue.  Everything outside of that can be fixed later.[/i]  It was excellent advice.  It didn't mean that I didn't have expectations/requirements of DS but it did mean that the priority was on health (we all know the risk factors for kids with ADHD/anxiety/LDs) and the longer depression/substance abuse can be delayed, the better the life outcomes.  And, that whatever happened academically in high school would not doom him in any way.

So, my requirement for DS was that he graduate from high school with a regular diploma and that he make 'effort'.  Effort is defined by completing all homework assignments and turning them in on time.  It included re-taking any tests where he scored less than an 80%.  The goals had no relationship to grades but making 'effort'.  It didn't matter to me if he got a D in chemistry. It didn't matter that he failed to sign up to take the SAT.  It didn't matter that he did nothing to get a driver's license.  My requirement was for him to make 'effort' and graduate with a regular diploma.  Which he did.

It wasn't until about February his senior year that it all came crashing down on him. He finally realized the consequences of his indifference.  His friends were getting their acceptance letters, driver's licenses, etc. and he was feeling left behind.  He already knew he wasn't going away for college, not because he didn't take the SAT or apply anywhere but because we were clear on behaviors we needed to see from him to have assurance that he would be successful going away for college.  He didn't display them.

We would have been fine with DS going to vocational/trade school but he had no interest in that.  He wanted to go to college so I helped him apply to NOVA.  I can't say enough good things about it.  DS was finally motivated to learn what his younger sister had learned in HS.  It wasn't instantaneous and he needed more scaffolded support but he did GREAT!  It was no problem for him to transfer to GMU and he has really blossommed.  It is AMAZING. He still struggles at times but rather than complain about classes that have nothing to do with what he wants to do, he's seeing the bigger picture and understanding. We just had to get through what your DS is experiencing.  HTH.[/quote]

I’m the poster on page 1 whose kid is finishing HS partly virtually.  I read your post a long time ago on the SN board and want to thank you.  I think about you and your son when I’m discouraged or worried and it gives me hope.  Your words were also more helpful than any therapist we’ve had.  DH and I take turns reminding each other that our goal is to get him through these years without any addiction or major depression.  DC was close to both in the past and isnt now so it’s a good thing.  This is a little off topic but again, thanks, if you are following. [/quote]

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