3 y.o. DD says she wants to be a boy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a total tomboy from toddler to MS. I always had short hair, and wore my brother's clothes (which my mom hated). I am a heterosexual female. Married with two kids. I'm still not the girly feminine type, but I have longish hair now.

My sister was the same. My parents honored her preference to not wear dresses and play with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and didn't make it a big deal at all, it just wasn't something they focused on. She found other interests and preferences as she grew up. She's got a PhD and her own family now.

[Anonymous]

3 year olds also want to be princesses, dinosaurs, birds, dogs, cats. It’s totally normal.

[Anonymous]

I know everyone is comparing this to a kid wanting to be a dinosaur, but it is certainly something to continue to be aware of. This is the age where kids are sorting out identity. Nothing might be concrete just yet, but but kids are learning to differentiate themselves from others as a way of understanding themselves. There's potential for your kid to stick with this, but also maybe not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a total tomboy from toddler to MS.

IIRC, most Playboy centerfolds claimed to have been tomboys. Then they grew tits and plucked their eyebrows. Nature will take its course.

[Anonymous]

At this age, some kids think that you can change your sex by doing "boy" things or "girl" things. They don't always understand that sex isn't like that. She might think that if she wants short hair or wants to wear red or black clothes like her male friends and classmates, that means she'll be a boy. I wouldn't make a big deal of it. Tell her she can cut her hair and girls can have short hair (and boys can have long hair). She can wear shirts with the same characters as the boys. It's very possible this is just a normal developmental phase.

[Anonymous]

Our oldest DS (now in college) loved everything princess at that age (movies, blankets, sparkly stuff)We rolled with it, don't overthink it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest DS (now in college) loved everything princess at that age (movies, blankets, sparkly stuff)We rolled with it, don't overthink it.

And we also didn't give 2 effs if he liked it beyond preschool. Who cares?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD at 3 wanted to be a boy so she could pee standing up.

My DD too haha.

This was me! And go shirtless when playing outside in the summer. I dress/style myself in pretty traditionally feminine ways now.

[Anonymous]

I have a very boyish DD now 11. I know your kid is only 3 but I would let her have some autonomy on her choices. It’s ok to ask what that means to her, but if she likes clothes marketed to boys, like darker colors, blue instead of pink, trucks , dinosaurs etc, let her have those. Make it clear those things are for all kids. She can be a girl and have a dinosaur shirt on. Doesn’t make her a boy.
My DD is a girl and identifies as a girl. She had her ears pierced and wears jewelry at times. However, she had short hair, wears clothing marketed to boys, doesn’t own a dress or anything pink or purple. Her bike is blue. She’s currently outside sledding with 3 neighborhood boys. You can’t change who they are. Keep an open mind and just reiterate all kids can like all things.

[Anonymous]

I was a Tomboy and my kid is now but I actually don’t like that phrase now. It’s basically saying that certain activities/clothing etc is for boys. We need to change that mindset as a society.
Why is bike riding and climbing trees seen as a boy activity? Why are dinosaurs for boys and kittens are for girls? We need to stop gendering everything.

[Anonymous]

I think it's hard to know whether this is just a phase or an indication of a long-term thing. Kids are always trying on different identities as they grow up. They'll figure it out eventually.

On the other hand, when she was young, my daughter-in-law apparently couldn't imagine why anyone wouldn't want to be a girl. I don't know that she told anyone about that back then but now she is in the process of transitioning after years of knowing this about herself. I'm confident it's the right thing for her but it took her a long time to get to this place.

So glad that OP is a parent whose heart is open and wants the best for their child! You rock, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team “okay dear” to her saying she wants to be a boy.

But also, if she consistently wants short hair and “boy” clothes let her have them. (If like my 3yo she waffles between wanting short hair like her brother and wailing at the sight of the hair scissors, leave well enough alone however.)

Disagree with this. Why should a 3 YO call the shots on what she wears? This is where parental guidance is needed.

Your child isn't your Barbie doll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team “okay dear” to her saying she wants to be a boy.

But also, if she consistently wants short hair and “boy” clothes let her have them. (If like my 3yo she waffles between wanting short hair like her brother and wailing at the sight of the hair scissors, leave well enough alone however.)

Disagree with this. Why should a 3 YO call the shots on what she wears? This is where parental guidance is needed.

Um, because if they’re clean-ish, fit well enough, and are more or less seasonally appropriate who cares what a 3 year old wears? Other than the 3 year old, of course.

Who needs parental guidance. 3 YOs want all sorts of things. It is, supposedly, up to their parents to teach them.

Eh, most of the time I could care less what me kids wear so long as it is seasonally appropriate and clean- I remove items that aren't an option for the winter, like shorts, or things that have become too ratty from their drawers. My DD is 5 and prefers the hand-me-downs from her older brother than the girly stuff my mom always buys her. If she wants to wear the dinosaur shirt rather than the Elsa dress, who cares? I have no energy to micromanage my kids like that.

My one exception is that they have to wear something a bit nicer for chuch, but a tunic w/ leggings is sufficient.

[Anonymous]

DD used to say this a lot when she was 3ish. Now she's the girliest of girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think at 3, the "I want to be" part is important. That means she doesn't think she is a boy, but is exploring what it means to be herself and other people (which is what 3 year olds do). Agree with others that if she wants to cut her hair or wear specific clothes, I would be supportive. Not because she says she wants to be a boy, but because those are things that I believe 3 year olds should have a say in (not dictate, but a strong say).I think it would be a different conversation if she was saying, consistently, "I am a boy".

Some of this distinction goes away as they get older, because there is more learned experience on navigating and understanding expectations. But a 3 year old who believed themselves to be a boy would say they are a boy, not that they want to be a boy.

That is a super important insight.