3 y.o. DD says she wants to be a boy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 3 year old DD occasionally says something about wanting to be a boy, wanting to cut her hair short like her younger brother’s bc that’s how boys wear their hair, etc. etc.

I usually just ask her questions in return (“hmm why do you say that?”) or say that girls can have short hair too.

I’m not sure exactly what I’m asking - maybe just to see if this is a common thing or no?

(Disclaimer to say I support however she or anyone else chooses to live their lives as they get older, just not sure what this means in a 3 year old!)

Good lord. It means nothing. Next week she may want to be a tree or an elephant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team “okay dear” to her saying she wants to be a boy.

But also, if she consistently wants short hair and “boy” clothes let her have them. (If like my 3yo she waffles between wanting short hair like her brother and wailing at the sight of the hair scissors, leave well enough alone however.)

Disagree with this. Why should a 3 YO call the shots on what she wears? This is where parental guidance is needed.

Because as long as it’s weather appropriate it could not matter less what a 3 year old wears.

[Anonymous]

When my oldest was that age he definitely said he wanted to be a girl on occasion. Or would say he'd want to be a mom when he grows up. And he loved dresses. (And he also loved stereotypical things boys love, like trucks, trains, climbing, etc.) He doesn't say those things anymore. I think 3yos don't even have a concept of what boy vs. girl means. She probably just wants to be like her brother. My kid wanted to be like the many girls in his class who wore beautiful dresses to school. I couldn't blame him--dresses are fun! So I bought him one. He loved it.

The point is, I wouldn't put any stock in what she is saying just yet. But if the statements/etc. do continue, I recommend reading This Is How It Always Is. (Also generally; it's a great book. But there is a chapter with violence against a trans woman, which could be difficult for some.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team “okay dear” to her saying she wants to be a boy.

But also, if she consistently wants short hair and “boy” clothes let her have them. (If like my 3yo she waffles between wanting short hair like her brother and wailing at the sight of the hair scissors, leave well enough alone however.)

Disagree with this. Why should a 3 YO call the shots on what she wears? This is where parental guidance is needed.

Um, because if they’re clean-ish, fit well enough, and are more or less seasonally appropriate who cares what a 3 year old wears? Other than the 3 year old, of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team “okay dear” to her saying she wants to be a boy.

But also, if she consistently wants short hair and “boy” clothes let her have them. (If like my 3yo she waffles between wanting short hair like her brother and wailing at the sight of the hair scissors, leave well enough alone however.)

Disagree with this. Why should a 3 YO call the shots on what she wears? This is where parental guidance is needed.

Um, because if they’re clean-ish, fit well enough, and are more or less seasonally appropriate who cares what a 3 year old wears? Other than the 3 year old, of course.

Who needs parental guidance. 3 YOs want all sorts of things. It is, supposedly, up to their parents to teach them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team “okay dear” to her saying she wants to be a boy.

But also, if she consistently wants short hair and “boy” clothes let her have them. (If like my 3yo she waffles between wanting short hair like her brother and wailing at the sight of the hair scissors, leave well enough alone however.)

Disagree with this. Why should a 3 YO call the shots on what she wears? This is where parental guidance is needed.

Um, because if they’re clean-ish, fit well enough, and are more or less seasonally appropriate who cares what a 3 year old wears? Other than the 3 year old, of course.

Who needs parental guidance. 3 YOs want all sorts of things. It is, supposedly, up to their parents to teach them.

“Boy” clothes at this age are only different than “girl” clothes in that they come in duller colors and the trousers are less tightly fitted. If a 3yo girl wants to wear grey joggers and a shirt with a dinosaur instead of pink leggings and a shirt with a unicorn I’m not going to “guide” her that all girls MUST wear unicorns and never dinosaurs. Frankly, I think gendering clothing under the age of 5 is profoundly stupid and a cash grab on the part of manufacturers.

[Anonymous]

Tell her that all hairstyles and clothes are for everyone and she is not limited to anything based on her sex. Follow through. If she wants to cut her hair, so what. Never too early to banish restrictive gender norms and give kids the crucial info that their sex is immutable and not linked to what they wear or how they feel.

[Anonymous]

My 3 year old was in tears one day because he wanted his make-believe cow name to be his real name. He told everyone he met he was a cow.

[Anonymous]

i think your response was fine. Girls can have short hair and wear pants in whatever color they want.

[Anonymous]

When my daughter was 4 she said she wanted to be a princess. I told her she had to be born a princess. Her response, “ok then, I’ll just be a fish”.

I wanted to be a boy until I was about 8. Even now if I got to choose I would be born a boy. I’m not even remotely gay. Boys get treated better and have more leeway in society. If I was given a choice, I would be a tall athletic white man - they are king after all. As it stands I’m a short fat hispanic woman. . . .sigh.

[Anonymous]

DD at 3 wanted to be a boy so she could pee standing up.

[Anonymous]

My DD & her one friend said this through ES. Both were on the tomboy side, like sporty clothes, activities, etc.
We always talked about about it generally & asked questions & heard things like “ the boys do this on recess, we want to do that” - & we’d respond “ok great, boys & girls can do that, so why don’t you find some friends tmrw who want to do that & have fun.”
High school now, both are confident, secure girls.
I don’t know, can’t speak for everyone, but it was definitely a phase where they were trying to figure out what being a boy/girl means. They were maybe not fitting the “girl” mold - liked being loud, sporty, crazy games at recess, etc. Maybe your child is noticing that she likes to play the games that mostly the boys are playing, I don’t know. Just ask questions & keep telling her she can do the things she enjoys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD at 3 wanted to be a boy so she could pee standing up.

My DD too haha.

[Anonymous]

What does she think a boy is?

[Anonymous]

I think at 3, the "I want to be" part is important. That means she doesn't think she is a boy, but is exploring what it means to be herself and other people (which is what 3 year olds do). Agree with others that if she wants to cut her hair or wear specific clothes, I would be supportive. Not because she says she wants to be a boy, but because those are things that I believe 3 year olds should have a say in (not dictate, but a strong say).I think it would be a different conversation if she was saying, consistently, "I am a boy".

Some of this distinction goes away as they get older, because there is more learned experience on navigating and understanding expectations. But a 3 year old who believed themselves to be a boy would say they are a boy, not that they want to be a boy.