FWB boundaries?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop sleeping with men who won’t date you.

I won't date him either though. -OP just want to feel chemistry without getting too deep. He was the one getting deep with the discussion afterwards imo.

You sound very mature

[Anonymous]

I’m a woman and had a 10 year FWB relationship. We would see each other 3-12 times a year. Wouldn’t see each other if we were in other relationships. Would take a pause when one of us got feelings.
We’d always go on a date. Catch up on each others lives. And also spend the night together. He’s make me coffee and toast in the morning. Sometimes we’d go out to breakfast.

I think the key to not getting attached was we rarely communicated between seeing each other. Usually only to set up dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I are in an open relationship (well, open for me). The rule that we have is no more than three times with the same person. After that you can start to develop feelings.

It sounds like you are kind of beyond that, OP.

Not open for him? Where do you find your men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What boundaries do you set with your FWB? Specifically so that you don't develop too big of a crush on them?

I had a FWB over last night. The last time I saw him was a year ago, we reconnected on a dating app a month ago. He was only here for about an hour, sex was kind of fast but satisfying (he always goes down) with lots of chemistry, then he hung out for a bit to cuddle and watch tv. We used protection. He opened up about some childhood trauma briefly. And he picked me up and spun me around to kiss me when he left which was adorable.
I want to make sure I don't get attached to him. I think I liked him more than he liked me last time, which is why I cut things off. He would Snapchat/text often so we know each other pretty well, but when we hang out it's chatting and sex, no dates (though he talks about places he wants to take me?) Decided to give him another chance because there's slim pickings out here and he's always kind and respectful. I also am just messing around right now, and I don't see myself with him long term since I can tell he's a bit of a party guy. I just want sex and someone to talk to. Should I make sure he never spends the night? What do you do to set boundaries so that you do start acting like a girlfriend when you are not?

Am I the only one who didn't realize OP was male? I don't think it changes the wisdom or lack of wisdom or any of the advice, but it's interesting.

OP here. I am a woman. A bisexual woman to be clear, if any comments confused you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop sleeping with men who won’t date you.

I won't date him either though. -OP just want to feel chemistry without getting too deep. He was the one getting deep with the discussion afterwards imo.

Sex creates intimacy and attachment. Evolution built it to do that. You are setting yourself up for a pile of heartache.

Yep…

For women, not men.

Therein lies the rub. Women make the false assumption that the men feel the same emotion/attachment they do. And that’s so false. Oh sure, they’ll see it and love bomb to keep getting sex and validation- but they could walk any minute and never look back.

^ And this summarizes why “no strings/ Fwb” situations never last long term. The women always start wanting more. Got it and end it as soon as they start talking future.

I agree, there is a reason why there is big stereotype that women get attach after sex. Because there is some truth to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop sleeping with men who won’t date you.

I won't date him either though. -OP just want to feel chemistry without getting too deep. He was the one getting deep with the discussion afterwards imo.

Sex creates intimacy and attachment. Evolution built it to do that. You are setting yourself up for a pile of heartache.

Yep…

For women, not men.

Therein lies the rub. Women make the false assumption that the men feel the same emotion/attachment they do. And that’s so false. Oh sure, they’ll see it and love bomb to keep getting sex and validation- but they could walk any minute and never look back.

^ And this summarizes why “no strings/ Fwb” situations never last long term. The women always start wanting more. Got it and end it as soon as they start talking future.

Nope - don’t believe the women catch feelings and men don’t.

[Anonymous]

You’re on a relationship forum but you don’t want a relationship. Grow up OP.

[Anonymous]

No cuddling in front of the tv. Tell him you don’t want to hear about his trauma. NO picking you up and spinning him around. A bit of post coital cuddling and chit chat is fine.

He doesn’t get to practice being a boyfriend or get boyfriend benefits if you’re just FWB.

People always say that FWB doesn’t work because the woman catches feelings. But they catch feelings because the men play games like picking them up and spinning them around. The do it either because they want the woman to catch feelings or they want to feel couple-y on their own terms. If he wants to be only FWB, then hold him to that.

[Anonymous]

You only had an hour and had time to watch tv and cuddle? That sounds really bad....