FWB boundaries?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop sleeping with men who won’t date you.

I won't date him either though. -OP just want to feel chemistry without getting too deep. He was the one getting deep with the discussion afterwards imo.

Sex creates intimacy and attachment. Evolution built it to do that. You are setting yourself up for a pile of heartache.

Yep…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop sleeping with men who won’t date you.

I won't date him either though. -OP just want to feel chemistry without getting too deep. He was the one getting deep with the discussion afterwards imo.

Sex creates intimacy and attachment. Evolution built it to do that. You are setting yourself up for a pile of heartache.

This is only true if there's already some attachment to begin with. Sex is not a magic tool that suddenly make people want each other when they didn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: so that you do not start acting like a girlfriend* for example: don't cook for them?

No adult should be expected to cook for another adult regardless of relationship type.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop sleeping with men who won’t date you.

I won't date him either though. -OP just want to feel chemistry without getting too deep. He was the one getting deep with the discussion afterwards imo.

Sex creates intimacy and attachment. Evolution built it to do that. You are setting yourself up for a pile of heartache.

This is only true if there's already some attachment to begin with. Sex is not a magic tool that suddenly make people want each other when they didn't.

Biochemistry is not magic.

[Anonymous]

What's the point of trying to force FWB? What's wrong with dating someone, and breaking up if you need to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop sleeping with men who won’t date you.

I won't date him either though. -OP just want to feel chemistry without getting too deep. He was the one getting deep with the discussion afterwards imo.

Sex creates intimacy and attachment. Evolution built it to do that. You are setting yourself up for a pile of heartache.

This is only true if there's already some attachment to begin with. Sex is not a magic tool that suddenly make people want each other when they didn't.

Biochemistry is not magic.

I'm aware of that, but biochemistry doesn't automatically create an attachment when there's not enough attraction/love to begin with. We also experience biochemical changes when we talk to people, hold their hands, get massages in a parlor and do pretty much anything involving other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's the point of trying to force FWB? What's wrong with dating someone, and breaking up if you need to?

That's a good point.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I are in an open relationship (well, open for me). The rule that we have is no more than three times with the same person. After that you can start to develop feelings.

It sounds like you are kind of beyond that, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop sleeping with men who won’t date you.

I won't date him either though. -OP just want to feel chemistry without getting too deep. He was the one getting deep with the discussion afterwards imo.

Sex creates intimacy and attachment. Evolution built it to do that. You are setting yourself up for a pile of heartache.

Yep…

For women, not men.

Therein lies the rub. Women make the false assumption that the men feel the same emotion/attachment they do. And that’s so false. Oh sure, they’ll see it and love bomb to keep getting sex and validation- but they could walk any minute and never look back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop sleeping with men who won’t date you.

I won't date him either though. -OP just want to feel chemistry without getting too deep. He was the one getting deep with the discussion afterwards imo.

Sex creates intimacy and attachment. Evolution built it to do that. You are setting yourself up for a pile of heartache.

Yep…

For women, not men.

Therein lies the rub. Women make the false assumption that the men feel the same emotion/attachment they do. And that’s so false. Oh sure, they’ll see it and love bomb to keep getting sex and validation- but they could walk any minute and never look back.

^ And this summarizes why “no strings/ Fwb” situations never last long term. The women always start wanting more. Got it and end it as soon as they start talking future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop sleeping with men who won’t date you.

I won't date him either though. -OP just want to feel chemistry without getting too deep. He was the one getting deep with the discussion afterwards imo.

Sex creates intimacy and attachment. Evolution built it to do that. You are setting yourself up for a pile of heartache.

Yep…

For women, not men.

Therein lies the rub. Women make the false assumption that the men feel the same emotion/attachment they do. And that’s so false. Oh sure, they’ll see it and love bomb to keep getting sex and validation- but they could walk any minute and never look back.

I'm a woman and have no problem separating sex and love. I also have encountered men who formed an attachment after sex. It's not so black and white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is using you for sex. Period. All fun and games now. Start pressing him more and he’s out the door. The fact you will bang him and ask for nothing more is what is attractive to him. He is likely actually dating “real women”.

Sorry but that’s the truth. Know your place.

Man here--this is my dream scenario. Just sex and I don't have to spend any money on her.

[Anonymous]

So many posters here make seem like prostitution, like sex is something that the man takes and needs to compensate the woman for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop sleeping with men who won’t date you.

I won't date him either though. -OP just want to feel chemistry without getting too deep. He was the one getting deep with the discussion afterwards imo.

Sex creates intimacy and attachment. Evolution built it to do that. You are setting yourself up for a pile of heartache.

Yep…

For women, not men.

Therein lies the rub. Women make the false assumption that the men feel the same emotion/attachment they do. And that’s so false. Oh sure, they’ll see it and love bomb to keep getting sex and validation- but they could walk any minute and never look back.

I'm a woman and have no problem separating sex and love. I also have encountered men who formed an attachment after sex. It's not so black and white.

I am a man and became attached to a woman like this. She's actually scared of becoming attached to me, I think, so she pushes me away sometimes. She definitely has a lot of very, very good male friends. He refusal to have an exclusive relationship is depressing sometimes. On the other hand, I do the same thing to other women sometimes. They want an exclusive relationship and I don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What boundaries do you set with your FWB? Specifically so that you don't develop too big of a crush on them?

I had a FWB over last night. The last time I saw him was a year ago, we reconnected on a dating app a month ago. He was only here for about an hour, sex was kind of fast but satisfying (he always goes down) with lots of chemistry, then he hung out for a bit to cuddle and watch tv. We used protection. He opened up about some childhood trauma briefly. And he picked me up and spun me around to kiss me when he left which was adorable.
I want to make sure I don't get attached to him. I think I liked him more than he liked me last time, which is why I cut things off. He would Snapchat/text often so we know each other pretty well, but when we hang out it's chatting and sex, no dates (though he talks about places he wants to take me?) Decided to give him another chance because there's slim pickings out here and he's always kind and respectful. I also am just messing around right now, and I don't see myself with him long term since I can tell he's a bit of a party guy. I just want sex and someone to talk to. Should I make sure he never spends the night? What do you do to set boundaries so that you do start acting like a girlfriend when you are not?

Am I the only one who didn't realize OP was male? I don't think it changes the wisdom or lack of wisdom or any of the advice, but it's interesting.