My mom didn’t like her birthday gift, wants me to buy her a new one. Normal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I purchased a gift for my mom’s birthday at the end of November. The gift was something she’d talked about, and was for one of her hobbies.

She accepted the gift graciously then texted a few hours later to say it wasn’t quite what she wanted and I can return it while she’s away traveling for the next 3 weeks.

Fast forward one month later - after Christmas - my dad calls to ask if I’m planning to buy my mom a different birthday gift to replace the gift that was returned. He said she’s still waiting for her gift and feeling forgotten. I can buy another gift… but now this just feels awkward.

Is this normal? Do people buy replacement gifts? I grew up with this behavior around gift giving with parents and it caused a lot of anxiety for me. Looking for objective advice - Did I drop the ball here?

Nope. She gave the gift back. She wasn't forgotten. Tell her you didn't want to take a second gift back and she's rude.

[Anonymous]

There is something seriously wrong with that woman.

[Anonymous]

I think the only thing I’d buy at this point is an etiquette book.

[Anonymous]

I would just give her cash from now on.
If I heard a report (from mom or dad) that she was unhappy about receiving cash I would just say that you always hear that you bought the wrong thing and it gives you anxiety worrying about it. So therefore you have decided that rather than both of you being miserable about whatever you gave her, you are just going to give cash from now on and then you are not miserable about whatever her gift is, even if she is. That halves the amount of miserable people in this transaction.
Very few people complain about cash. It is never the wrong size or color. No one says cash is "clutter that they don't want and will discard or donate to goodwill".

[Anonymous]

OP that is exactly something my mom would do. Though usually she just finds something to criticize about the gift and then tells people she didn’t get anything from her kids for her birthday, so they feel bad for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I purchased a gift for my mom’s birthday at the end of November. The gift was something she’d talked about, and was for one of her hobbies.

She accepted the gift graciously then texted a few hours later to say it wasn’t quite what she wanted and I can return it while she’s away traveling for the next 3 weeks.

Fast forward one month later - after Christmas - my dad calls to ask if I’m planning to buy my mom a different birthday gift to replace the gift that was returned. He said she’s still waiting for her gift and feeling forgotten. I can buy another gift… but now this just feels awkward.

Is this normal? Do people buy replacement gifts? I grew up with this behavior around gift giving with parents and it caused a lot of anxiety for me. Looking for objective advice - Did I drop the ball here?

Not even a a little bit. Since it was returned you can send a gift card or check for the gift amount. Always include gift receipts moving forward.

She will prob push back, that’s on her as well. I’m sorry the dynamic is toxic.

[Anonymous]

WTF - NO! Not normal. She can regift, try to return it or do what she pleases with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t an audition or a game show called Guess What I Want. If there’s something specific she wants, she needs to tell you exactly what it is. In theory you did still owe her a gift, but the flowers were a nice present. Your parents seems like…a lot.

More than a lot. That’s personality disorder territory.

OP, are you an only child?

You might want to read up a bit on daughters of narcissistic mothers and/or watch Dr. Ramani vids on YT. Very enlightening.

Your mom has set this up as a game you can't win, where your generosity is flipped to make her a victim. I'd consider no gifts or just gift cards going forward and if she objects to gift cards, no presents.

However often you see or are in contact with them, I'd dial it back.

Are you married? Do you have kids?

[Anonymous]

It's not normal. She sounds spoiled. I'd give her a gift card and call it a day.

[Anonymous]

Your parents don’t sound very nice. That being said, I wouldn’t be mad if a close family member told me the gift I got wasn’t actually the thing they wanted and when I returned it I would replace it with the thing they wanted instead. But yes, next time give a gift receipt so they can have the labor of returning and replacing without you getting involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Always put the receipt in the gift and say she can return if needed. Done. I'm not returning it for her OR buying her a new gift. This is weird of her to ask.

This - put it on her to return nd get what she wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Always put the receipt in the gift and say she can return if needed. Done. I'm not returning it for her OR buying her a new gift. This is weird of her to ask.

+ 2. Your mom is bro g a drama Queen feeling forgotten? Gtfoh.