Any friction?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of it. My son with a serious mental illness is home from school. He’s decided to stop taking his medication and got a medical marijuana card. It took years to get him in a good place to be able to go to college and now this. I feel like he must hate me for doing this. I thought we were past the hard part.

The podcast The Squeeze just did an episode with Taylor Lautner's (the wife not the husband with the same name) HS friend's mom and sister. The friend was bipolar and was smoking a ton of weed in an effort to self medicate and wound up killing himself. They talk about all the signs leading up to it, what the mother wishes she'd done differently, how his mental illness was made worse by the weed, etc. They really go through step by step how he could have been saved. If he's open, maybe that would be helpful to him? It's only an hour.

[Anonymous]

I could go thread by thread in DCUM and tell you with 90+ percent accuracy which posters are going to have "friction" with their college-aged kids. It's not rocket science. Be supportive, be cool, have a sense of humor, don't nag. Even when you disagree, speak to them like they're intelligent adults, not recalcitrant toddlers. Do these things and magically the "friction" goes away.

[Anonymous]

Why so nosy OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could go thread by thread in DCUM and tell you with 90+ percent accuracy which posters are going to have "friction" with their college-aged kids. It's not rocket science. Be supportive, be cool, have a sense of humor, don't nag. Even when you disagree, speak to them like they're intelligent adults, not recalcitrant toddlers. Do these things and magically the "friction" goes away.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of it. My son with a serious mental illness is home from school. He’s decided to stop taking his medication and got a medical marijuana card. It took years to get him in a good place to be able to go to college and now this. I feel like he must hate me for doing this. I thought we were past the hard part.

I’m really sorry. This is a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could go thread by thread in DCUM and tell you with 90+ percent accuracy which posters are going to have "friction" with their college-aged kids. It's not rocket science. Be supportive, be cool, have a sense of humor, don't nag. Even when you disagree, speak to them like they're intelligent adults, not recalcitrant toddlers. Do these things and magically the "friction" goes away.

So how do we magically make your hubris go away?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean my oldest has spent the last couple of years conjuring a weird narrative about how she had a shitty childhood and bad parents and I suspect that’s being encouraged by a therapist. So that’s been fun.

I’m sorry to hear this. Another tough situation.

She didn't, of course. She's just always been drawn to tragedy -- goes out of her way to befriend people who've lost parents/siblings, the ones struggling with depression and suicide ideation (she went through a phase of that herself, hence the therapist). We, her parents, did divorce five years ago and so that's legit trauma we've tried to help her through. But that's the only real tragedy in her life. Otherwise, she's wanted for nothing, had loads of support growing up, was always encouraged and cheered through her various interests. She's high-achieving, etc. But has somehow decided we sucked. She loves to lecture us on how we parent her sister (who's now a college student herself), has a history of being easily aggrieved by alleged wrong-doing by other parties (i.e. teammates, other parents in marching band in HS, teachers ... ). A year ago she floated the question of whether she had been sexually abused to her uncle (she wasn't). It's the weirdest thing. It's like she wants to wallow in tragedy and doesn't really have any in her life so she is inventing it.

You could very well have been abused by her uncle. She may have been floating a disclosure dressed as a question. That is far more likely than her making this up. This could certainly explain her need to express grievances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of it. My son with a serious mental illness is home from school. He’s decided to stop taking his medication and got a medical marijuana card. It took years to get him in a good place to be able to go to college and now this. I feel like he must hate me for doing this. I thought we were past the hard part.

This sounds tough for sure, but why assume he "must hate [you] for doing this"? Maybe there is something about the medication that he doesn't like? Presumably / hopefully he talked about the risks, pros, and cons of dropping the medication and substituting w/ marijuana with the healthcare provider who gave him the medical marijuana card? Regardless, I wouldn't take it as a personal slight to you.

That’s how it feels. I was a mess the last few days and he didn’t react at all. He has a diagnosis of psychosis and stopping his medication is one thing but adding cannabis to the situation is a recipe for disaster. He said he talked to the doctor on the phone for maybe 10 minutes and didn’t tell her anything at all about his mental health or medication. These people don’t ask for any medical records or take a history or anything at all. Just tell them you have anxiety and that’s it. He actually doesn’t have anxiety.

Who in your life can you count on to hear you and see you? Who offers wise counsel and/or unconditional support? Who has served as your emotional rock in the past? Please make a point to reach out to them if you haven’t. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been since you last connected. This is a tough, tough situation, and you need quality support.

Same goes for the PP whose daughter is insisting she had a difficult childhood. Find those people who love and support you, and who will make you feel grounded and sane and whole. This is hard, hard stuff. Please make sure you’ve got someone to lean on.

Thanks PP. I’ve already talked to my mom and that made me feel better. It’s just so hard to talk to my son when he seems so rational about this decision. Maybe he will be fine but I can’t imagine that. I grew up with an alcoholic father and in my mind, substances are bad and to be avoided at all cost and here is my son going in the direction of my father.

[Anonymous]

DD gained probably 20-25 pounds since leaving for college. She has gotten a lot of comments about it from extended family. I don't think she realized how noticeable it is until coming home and seeing people who knew her four months ago. She is embarrassed.

[Anonymous]

Nearly all good. I can only complain that DC has developed a rather grating Midwest accent (rising inflection at the end of each sentence). Small stuff. Other than that, sunshine and roses. DC has matured so much and has many funny stories about college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of it. My son with a serious mental illness is home from school. He’s decided to stop taking his medication and got a medical marijuana card. It took years to get him in a good place to be able to go to college and now this. I feel like he must hate me for doing this. I thought we were past the hard part.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Very challenging situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nearly all good. I can only complain that DC has developed a rather grating Midwest accent (rising inflection at the end of each sentence). Small stuff. Other than that, sunshine and roses. DC has matured so much and has many funny stories about college.

Funny, I think that DMV accents are grating with the uptalk.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry about the mental health challenges mentioned above and hope he works through it with a positive outcome.

The college kid here had mental health challenges in spring and summer. The new medication works and now things are relaxed and good. They like our shower and being home more than the dorm and do not feel excited about going back.

They want to live on campus, and they also prefer home. They have friends at school and do fun things there and still feel this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could go thread by thread in DCUM and tell you with 90+ percent accuracy which posters are going to have "friction" with their college-aged kids. It's not rocket science. Be supportive, be cool, have a sense of humor, don't nag. Even when you disagree, speak to them like they're intelligent adults, not recalcitrant toddlers. Do these things and magically the "friction" goes away.

So how do we magically make your hubris go away?

+1000

OK to first PP : I can also go through old threads in DCUM and tell who are self-satisfied non-empathetic jerky posters like you.
We don't need a parenting lesson from you, since you obviously cannot read. Some of the other posters on this thread have "friction" because their children are struggling with serious and legitimate mental health issues. They need empathy not your self-satisfied snark. BTW, IRL you are definitely not "cool" because, by definition, any parent who thinks they are cool is not.

[Anonymous]

Roses and unicorns here. How did DH and I raise this amazing woman? So sad that she had to go back. So glad she will be home again soon. I vaguely remember senior year had its moments. But this past week we felt whole in a way we haven’t since she left.