Any friction?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Branching off a bit, but thinking of the month (approx) break next month. Are your college kids planning on working part time or contacting their summer job employer for a few days of work? I’m hoping my freshman college daughter does and I suggested as much to her. I wasn’t blown away by her enthusiasm though. I had thought she’d be eager to earn some spending money for spring semester. I’m thinking she will, maybe just didn’t want to hear reality this week!

Yes. Working a couple shifts over this break, too, but this business is conducive to that.

[Anonymous]

My DS may pick up a few shifts from the restaurant where he worked last summer, but is actually excited to relax. I'm not sure how annoying that will get for the rest of us, especially if he is going out every night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Branching off a bit, but thinking of the month (approx) break next month. Are your college kids planning on working part time or contacting their summer job employer for a few days of work? I’m hoping my freshman college daughter does and I suggested as much to her. I wasn’t blown away by her enthusiasm though. I had thought she’d be eager to earn some spending money for spring semester. I’m thinking she will, maybe just didn’t want to hear reality this week!

Students who have their break from Thanksgiving to Christmas have loads of opportunities for seasonal retail work to earn some extra money (and probably not many friends around) but anyone who is home from Dec 20- Jan 15 or thereabouts just isn’t going to have the same choices. I mean unless someone is trying to cover vacation shifts who is going to hire a college student for just a few days here and there during that time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of it. My son with a serious mental illness is home from school. He’s decided to stop taking his medication and got a medical marijuana card. It took years to get him in a good place to be able to go to college and now this. I feel like he must hate me for doing this. I thought we were past the hard part.

This sounds tough for sure, but why assume he "must hate [you] for doing this"? Maybe there is something about the medication that he doesn't like? Presumably / hopefully he talked about the risks, pros, and cons of dropping the medication and substituting w/ marijuana with the healthcare provider who gave him the medical marijuana card? Regardless, I wouldn't take it as a personal slight to you.

That’s how it feels. I was a mess the last few days and he didn’t react at all. He has a diagnosis of psychosis and stopping his medication is one thing but adding cannabis to the situation is a recipe for disaster. He said he talked to the doctor on the phone for maybe 10 minutes and didn’t tell her anything at all about his mental health or medication. These people don’t ask for any medical records or take a history or anything at all. Just tell them you have anxiety and that’s it. He actually doesn’t have anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean my oldest has spent the last couple of years conjuring a weird narrative about how she had a shitty childhood and bad parents and I suspect that’s being encouraged by a therapist. So that’s been fun.

Been there, I’m so sorry. Toxic therapists are very much a thing. Especially since their services are so in demand right now. Some just aren’t good and others are seriously overworked. I hope he moves away from it in time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of it. My son with a serious mental illness is home from school. He’s decided to stop taking his medication and got a medical marijuana card. It took years to get him in a good place to be able to go to college and now this. I feel like he must hate me for doing this. I thought we were past the hard part.

This sounds tough for sure, but why assume he "must hate [you] for doing this"? Maybe there is something about the medication that he doesn't like? Presumably / hopefully he talked about the risks, pros, and cons of dropping the medication and substituting w/ marijuana with the healthcare provider who gave him the medical marijuana card? Regardless, I wouldn't take it as a personal slight to you.

That’s how it feels. I was a mess the last few days and he didn’t react at all. He has a diagnosis of psychosis and stopping his medication is one thing but adding cannabis to the situation is a recipe for disaster. He said he talked to the doctor on the phone for maybe 10 minutes and didn’t tell her anything at all about his mental health or medication. These people don’t ask for any medical records or take a history or anything at all. Just tell them you have anxiety and that’s it. He actually doesn’t have anxiety.

Who in your life can you count on to hear you and see you? Who offers wise counsel and/or unconditional support? Who has served as your emotional rock in the past? Please make a point to reach out to them if you haven’t. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been since you last connected. This is a tough, tough situation, and you need quality support.

Same goes for the PP whose daughter is insisting she had a difficult childhood. Find those people who love and support you, and who will make you feel grounded and sane and whole. This is hard, hard stuff. Please make sure you’ve got someone to lean on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of it. My son with a serious mental illness is home from school. He’s decided to stop taking his medication and got a medical marijuana card. It took years to get him in a good place to be able to go to college and now this. I feel like he must hate me for doing this. I thought we were past the hard part.

This sounds tough for sure, but why assume he "must hate [you] for doing this"? Maybe there is something about the medication that he doesn't like? Presumably / hopefully he talked about the risks, pros, and cons of dropping the medication and substituting w/ marijuana with the healthcare provider who gave him the medical marijuana card? Regardless, I wouldn't take it as a personal slight to you.

That’s how it feels. I was a mess the last few days and he didn’t react at all. He has a diagnosis of psychosis and stopping his medication is one thing but adding cannabis to the situation is a recipe for disaster. He said he talked to the doctor on the phone for maybe 10 minutes and didn’t tell her anything at all about his mental health or medication. These people don’t ask for any medical records or take a history or anything at all. Just tell them you have anxiety and that’s it. He actually doesn’t have anxiety.

Who in your life can you count on to hear you and see you? Who offers wise counsel and/or unconditional support? Who has served as your emotional rock in the past? Please make a point to reach out to them if you haven’t. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been since you last connected. This is a tough, tough situation, and you need quality support.

Same goes for the PP whose daughter is insisting she had a difficult childhood. Find those people who love and support you, and who will make you feel grounded and sane and whole. This is hard, hard stuff. Please make sure you’ve got someone to lean on.

+1.

[Anonymous]

No friction here - my college freshman has disabilities that haven't changed and that we know how to handle.

I'm sorry to hear about the other two mentally ill young people described on this thread. Weed is so bad for young brains, and it increases the risk of paranoia and memory loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean my oldest has spent the last couple of years conjuring a weird narrative about how she had a shitty childhood and bad parents and I suspect that’s being encouraged by a therapist. So that’s been fun.

I’m sorry to hear this. Another tough situation.

She didn't, of course. She's just always been drawn to tragedy -- goes out of her way to befriend people who've lost parents/siblings, the ones struggling with depression and suicide ideation (she went through a phase of that herself, hence the therapist). We, her parents, did divorce five years ago and so that's legit trauma we've tried to help her through. But that's the only real tragedy in her life. Otherwise, she's wanted for nothing, had loads of support growing up, was always encouraged and cheered through her various interests. She's high-achieving, etc. But has somehow decided we sucked. She loves to lecture us on how we parent her sister (who's now a college student herself), has a history of being easily aggrieved by alleged wrong-doing by other parties (i.e. teammates, other parents in marching band in HS, teachers ... ). A year ago she floated the question of whether she had been sexually abused to her uncle (she wasn't). It's the weirdest thing. It's like she wants to wallow in tragedy and doesn't really have any in her life so she is inventing it.

Sending big hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Branching off a bit, but thinking of the month (approx) break next month. Are your college kids planning on working part time or contacting their summer job employer for a few days of work? I’m hoping my freshman college daughter does and I suggested as much to her. I wasn’t blown away by her enthusiasm though. I had thought she’d be eager to earn some spending money for spring semester. I’m thinking she will, maybe just didn’t want to hear reality this week!

Mine plans to. She is running through money fast, but hasn’t been able to find a job on or near campus. She worked 5 shifts this week!

[Anonymous]

We did well for two days, but had a fight last night. That always makes me sad, because I have missed her so and she is with us for such a short time.

But we have already recovered…so perhaps these cycles are normal for any family/longterm relationship.

[Anonymous]

Not to boast, but we are getting along with DS who is home for break better than ever. He was very irritable senior year and before he left. Now he's happy and getting along with us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Branching off a bit, but thinking of the month (approx) break next month. Are your college kids planning on working part time or contacting their summer job employer for a few days of work? I’m hoping my freshman college daughter does and I suggested as much to her. I wasn’t blown away by her enthusiasm though. I had thought she’d be eager to earn some spending money for spring semester. I’m thinking she will, maybe just didn’t want to hear reality this week!

Mine plans to. She is running through money fast, but hasn’t been able to find a job on or near campus. She worked 5 shifts this week!

Good for her! That’s great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to boast, but we are getting along with DS who is home for break better than ever. He was very irritable senior year and before he left. Now he's happy and getting along with us.

I think they start to appreciate their parents and home a bit more. And the stress of senior year and making a college decision is behind them. Glad it’s going well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to boast, but we are getting along with DS who is home for break better than ever. He was very irritable senior year and before he left. Now he's happy and getting along with us.

I think they start to appreciate their parents and home a bit more. And the stress of senior year and making a college decision is behind them. Glad it’s going well!

My goodness, senior year was so awful. The worst year of high school in terms of stress and friction at home. It's so much better this year, freshman year.