How is part day or full day school refusal handled in MoCo?

[Anonymous]

As the parent of two kids with severe anxiety who followed all of the testing and mental health recommendations, I honestly think that the school's strategy of getting them into the building is the best. The more kids are taught that removing the source of their stress is the solution, the worse it gets, not better. The key is learning to deal with stress and anxiety, not avoiding it. Therapists want to think that medicine and a weekly dose of "exposures" is enough and that kids are biologically determined to be sensitive. I now think that is a crock. I'm a MSW and I really think that mental health care is now prolonging and enabling dysfunction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the parent of two kids with severe anxiety who followed all of the testing and mental health recommendations, I honestly think that the school's strategy of getting them into the building is the best. The more kids are taught that removing the source of their stress is the solution, the worse it gets, not better. The key is learning to deal with stress and anxiety, not avoiding it. Therapists want to think that medicine and a weekly dose of "exposures" is enough and that kids are biologically determined to be sensitive. I now think that is a crock. I'm a MSW and I really think that mental health care is now prolonging and enabling dysfunction.

SERIOUSLY! TRUER WORDS HAVE NEVER BEEN SPOKEN.

Everything around mental health is about coddling and accommodating insecurities and fragilities, but as you point out, that is just FURTHER enabling the dysfunction! We need to support kids in confronting anxiety and fear, developing resilience and not just running away and giving up all the time. Thank you for saying that as a professional in the field.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you. Does the county ever come after the parent or child with consequences?

Yes, with enough absences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the parent of two kids with severe anxiety who followed all of the testing and mental health recommendations, I honestly think that the school's strategy of getting them into the building is the best. The more kids are taught that removing the source of their stress is the solution, the worse it gets, not better. The key is learning to deal with stress and anxiety, not avoiding it. Therapists want to think that medicine and a weekly dose of "exposures" is enough and that kids are biologically determined to be sensitive. I now think that is a crock. I'm a MSW and I really think that mental health care is now prolonging and enabling dysfunction.

+1 I am one of PPs with a highly anxious child. 100% keeping him at home or doing virtual just makes things worse overall. I don’t know why he is so anxious but I am doing everything in my power right now to support him so that he can be a functional human in society without me one day. That means forcing him into a school building (it doesn’t matter what one he hates them all) and making sure he has supports and learns how to not only use them but also advocate for himself. That’s the big picture for us at least. Not trying to get into a prestigious college and get a 4.0 (not that there is anything wrong with that). Some of our kids are working on different goals. Right now it’s a win if he goes a majority of the days! Then we will have him work on other goals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you. Does the county ever come after the parent or child with consequences?

Yes, with enough absences.

Not DCUM parents who can loop in a therapist.

Poor kids, yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We went through this last year - my 7th grader had accrued almost 30 absences before the end of the 2nd quarter. The school never threatened us (you can get the absences excused for medical reasons) and they were kind and tried to accommodate, but tbh they failed pretty miserably. Their sole focus was "get him in the building at all costs" without acknowledging or even recognizing the root of his issues (anxiety but also sensory overwhelm and possibly burnout) and IMO they made it worse. Waiving some assignments after they were overdue was too-little-too-late when it was the classroom (and hallways etc.) that were the actual problem. Eventually they told me we had to stop allowing him to even call home (with no clear plan for how I was supposed to even get him in the building to begin with under those conditions); we withdrew to homeschooling and then Fusion and we are still recovering. I hope you have better luck.

And this has highlighted the issue that schools have. Teacher can recognize that a kid has anxiety or some other problem, but what are you expecting an individual teacher to do about a kid when the problem is with coming to school or to class and completing the assignments? All they can do is waive the assignment.

PP you're responding to here. I wasn't expecting the *teachers* to do anything. I did expect the counseling/admin staff to be more actively helpful, and to be willing to explore solutions beyond "just make him go". Some of the other specialty programs within MCPS may have been a good fit to address the environmental issues, but our family was operating in crisis mode and I didn't have additional time to research them and do that legwork. Their "nice/supportive" attitude was cloaking a layer of judgment that neither our kid nor us parents were trying hard enough when nothing meaningful was actually changing about the environment to make that manageable. It would have been great if instead they could have made us aware of the alternatives and helped us start whatever processes were necessary to see if they'd work and if DC would qualify.

(We already had testing and a 504 and had been actively working with the school staff since 6th grade, so this wasn't completely out of the blue.)

It sounds like you may need to get the testing updated. What does your kid's therapist and psychiatrist think?

I'm not sure what makes you think I needed advice (I don't) or that we aren't already pursuing additional testing or working with a therapist and psychiatrist (we are). I was specifically answering the question of what the *school* did vs what I would have liked them to do - which is provide more support for finding alternative programs that would actually address the issues at hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the parent of two kids with severe anxiety who followed all of the testing and mental health recommendations, I honestly think that the school's strategy of getting them into the building is the best. The more kids are taught that removing the source of their stress is the solution, the worse it gets, not better. The key is learning to deal with stress and anxiety, not avoiding it. Therapists want to think that medicine and a weekly dose of "exposures" is enough and that kids are biologically determined to be sensitive. I now think that is a crock. I'm a MSW and I really think that mental health care is now prolonging and enabling dysfunction.

I strongly disagree with applying this as a blanket solution for all kids with school avoidance. Finding the underlying cause is absolutely key.

If someone is afraid of roller coasters because they are afraid of accidents, they can work with a trained clinician in evidence-based exposure therapy - and one key facet of true exposure therapy is the patient is always in control.

If someone is afraid of roller coasters because they get motion sick, they need a *completely* different solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the parent of two kids with severe anxiety who followed all of the testing and mental health recommendations, I honestly think that the school's strategy of getting them into the building is the best. The more kids are taught that removing the source of their stress is the solution, the worse it gets, not better. The key is learning to deal with stress and anxiety, not avoiding it. Therapists want to think that medicine and a weekly dose of "exposures" is enough and that kids are biologically determined to be sensitive. I now think that is a crock. I'm a MSW and I really think that mental health care is now prolonging and enabling dysfunction.

I strongly disagree with applying this as a blanket solution for all kids with school avoidance. Finding the underlying cause is absolutely key.

If someone is afraid of roller coasters because they are afraid of accidents, they can work with a trained clinician in evidence-based exposure therapy - and one key facet of true exposure therapy is the patient is always in control.

If someone is afraid of roller coasters because they get motion sick, they need a *completely* different solution.

That’s fine but the people who should then do that analysis and work are not school based staff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child is terrified to be in school, is Virtual Academy not an option?

Absolutely not. It just feeds into the problem. The VA just isolates kids more. He needs to learn how to cope in public places. Including school.

Isn't that fear and anxiety an issue for a mental health expert (psychiatrist or psychologist) to treat and get under control? What role do you want the school to play that it's not currently?

Every student has a right to an education. If the student has an emotional disability, then the school system has a mandate to
Provide the necessary supports and services for the child to learn.

[Anonymous]

We had a 504 with a diagnosis. School didn’t care about the refusal. In therapy and still didn’t matter. Couldn’t get an iep, because was testing ok. Ended up in private. Smaller classes made all the difference. In particular the teacher could focus on them. Talk to them as it was happening. I was most struck about the lack of support by the public school principal. She was truly awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you. Does the county ever come after the parent or child with consequences?

That is why I requested an IEP. He's not refusing to be difficult; he is terrified of school. Based on the number of absences, the case could get referred to truancy officers, but even then they work with the families to help keep students in school. An IEP helps protect your child based on their needs and finds the best available accommodations possible. IIS is also a possibility while you work with an outside therapist (that is the institutional services). That keeps your child's placement in the school but temporarily reduces their workload while your child is in treatment or you all are learning how best to approach this. It's not the best option as it's only the core classes and it's very rudimentary, but many students in IIS are going through something similar.

I wouldn't jump to assume other kids are trying "to be difficult". They have their own special issues too, but they may have parents who lack the ability to do the legwork and often financial expense for an IEP.

Or maybe it's more fun to stay at home and play with Legos than to go to school where you have to do work?