How is part day or full day school refusal handled in MoCo?

[Anonymous]

Our DD already had an IEP but anxiety became more and more of an issue as she went through middle school. 9th grade we hit a wall. We hired an advocate and pushed for new testing, updated the accommodations, aids and services. I came across the E-SESES programs in select HS, and it sounded like a great fit. Luckily, we were able to get that placement and it has been amazing. Their motto is mental health comes first. There is a designated social worker for the program. Small, self-contained classes (if needed). We feel so lucky and are so happy that we landed there. It has been a great fit for our DD.

[Anonymous]

A relative is going through this and has had the child at two different schools (middle and high). It seems dependent on the principal from the way they describe it. I think the child has an IEP. They catch up on work when possible and mostly make OK grades. In a way that is good but in a way it doesn't help instill negative consequences. I agree with PPs that this is an issue for the school psychologist and requires outside counseling (which the school can connect you to, and has an obligation to address).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We went through this last year - my 7th grader had accrued almost 30 absences before the end of the 2nd quarter. The school never threatened us (you can get the absences excused for medical reasons) and they were kind and tried to accommodate, but tbh they failed pretty miserably. Their sole focus was "get him in the building at all costs" without acknowledging or even recognizing the root of his issues (anxiety but also sensory overwhelm and possibly burnout) and IMO they made it worse. Waiving some assignments after they were overdue was too-little-too-late when it was the classroom (and hallways etc.) that were the actual problem. Eventually they told me we had to stop allowing him to even call home (with no clear plan for how I was supposed to even get him in the building to begin with under those conditions); we withdrew to homeschooling and then Fusion and we are still recovering. I hope you have better luck.

And this has highlighted the issue that schools have. Teacher can recognize that a kid has anxiety or some other problem, but what are you expecting an individual teacher to do about a kid when the problem is with coming to school or to class and completing the assignments? All they can do is waive the assignment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child is terrified to be in school, is Virtual Academy not an option?

Absolutely not. It just feeds into the problem. The VA just isolates kids more. He needs to learn how to cope in public places. Including school.

You have two very different issues and this is mental health related. It sounds like you need to take them for a mental health evaluation and therapy to address these issues and as an in-between consider the MVA if they will allow him in.

I'm not the OP. This was the course all of his therapists suggested. But I guess you might be an expert on something you know nothing about? The VA is not a place to stuff kids who need other support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We went through this last year - my 7th grader had accrued almost 30 absences before the end of the 2nd quarter. The school never threatened us (you can get the absences excused for medical reasons) and they were kind and tried to accommodate, but tbh they failed pretty miserably. Their sole focus was "get him in the building at all costs" without acknowledging or even recognizing the root of his issues (anxiety but also sensory overwhelm and possibly burnout) and IMO they made it worse. Waiving some assignments after they were overdue was too-little-too-late when it was the classroom (and hallways etc.) that were the actual problem. Eventually they told me we had to stop allowing him to even call home (with no clear plan for how I was supposed to even get him in the building to begin with under those conditions); we withdrew to homeschooling and then Fusion and we are still recovering. I hope you have better luck.

And this has highlighted the issue that schools have. Teacher can recognize that a kid has anxiety or some other problem, but what are you expecting an individual teacher to do about a kid when the problem is with coming to school or to class and completing the assignments? All they can do is waive the assignment.

This isn't a teacher problem. If the OP wants to stay in public school, the best way to get support is to get tested. It's so so expensive to get outside testing and I am not sure how open they would be to accepting outside testing. Without testing, then a proper diagnosis, supports, therapy, etc will be difficult. It hones in on the specific issues (ADHD, anxiety, depression, etc...). In this way, we were able to get support that worked for him (hence the IEP). Is it perfect? ABSOLUTELY NOT. But it's important to involve the school. And keep pushing if it's not enough. I promise you do not have to spend money. I am a single parent, and cannot afford private and virtual school is not the right answer for his needs. Right now his school is getting ready to test him again. There are resources in the county the counseling office and perhaps the PPW can also connect you too. If you do not have an outside therapist, they can help find you one. But I tell you, the waitlists are long these days. Use the resources you can at the school and see what else they can offer you. Otherwise, try out psychology today for therapists in your area as well. A Two-fold approach will help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you. Does the county ever come after the parent or child with consequences?

Our kid only has a few absences from school refusal. No consequences, other than the unexcused absences on the record and a 0 on a missed quiz. The school administration has never said anything. (I wish they would. My kid needs more people to connect with them at school.) The teachers say they appreciate my heads up email, and they say they'll help my kid get caught up the next day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We went through this last year - my 7th grader had accrued almost 30 absences before the end of the 2nd quarter. The school never threatened us (you can get the absences excused for medical reasons) and they were kind and tried to accommodate, but tbh they failed pretty miserably. Their sole focus was "get him in the building at all costs" without acknowledging or even recognizing the root of his issues (anxiety but also sensory overwhelm and possibly burnout) and IMO they made it worse. Waiving some assignments after they were overdue was too-little-too-late when it was the classroom (and hallways etc.) that were the actual problem. Eventually they told me we had to stop allowing him to even call home (with no clear plan for how I was supposed to even get him in the building to begin with under those conditions); we withdrew to homeschooling and then Fusion and we are still recovering. I hope you have better luck.

And this has highlighted the issue that schools have. Teacher can recognize that a kid has anxiety or some other problem, but what are you expecting an individual teacher to do about a kid when the problem is with coming to school or to class and completing the assignments? All they can do is waive the assignment.

PP you're responding to here. I wasn't expecting the *teachers* to do anything. I did expect the counseling/admin staff to be more actively helpful, and to be willing to explore solutions beyond "just make him go". Some of the other specialty programs within MCPS may have been a good fit to address the environmental issues, but our family was operating in crisis mode and I didn't have additional time to research them and do that legwork. Their "nice/supportive" attitude was cloaking a layer of judgment that neither our kid nor us parents were trying hard enough when nothing meaningful was actually changing about the environment to make that manageable. It would have been great if instead they could have made us aware of the alternatives and helped us start whatever processes were necessary to see if they'd work and if DC would qualify.

(We already had testing and a 504 and had been actively working with the school staff since 6th grade, so this wasn't completely out of the blue.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child is terrified to be in school, is Virtual Academy not an option?

Absolutely not. It just feeds into the problem. The VA just isolates kids more. He needs to learn how to cope in public places. Including school.

You have two very different issues and this is mental health related. It sounds like you need to take them for a mental health evaluation and therapy to address these issues and as an in-between consider the MVA if they will allow him in.

I'm not the OP. This was the course all of his therapists suggested. But I guess you might be an expert on something you know nothing about? The VA is not a place to stuff kids who need other support.

Actually I do know and some of us have experience with that school.

And, that may be what your therapist said but maybe you need a new therapist for your child as you need to treat the mental health issues and then address the school issues but forcing a child to go to a school that they are unhappy with is not going to get them to want to go to school every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you. Does the county ever come after the parent or child with consequences?

Our kid only has a few absences from school refusal. No consequences, other than the unexcused absences on the record and a 0 on a missed quiz. The school administration has never said anything. (I wish they would. My kid needs more people to connect with them at school.) The teachers say they appreciate my heads up email, and they say they'll help my kid get caught up the next day.

There are other ways to get kids to connect with people outside of school that may be more helpful.

[Anonymous]

Request a half day schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We went through this last year - my 7th grader had accrued almost 30 absences before the end of the 2nd quarter. The school never threatened us (you can get the absences excused for medical reasons) and they were kind and tried to accommodate, but tbh they failed pretty miserably. Their sole focus was "get him in the building at all costs" without acknowledging or even recognizing the root of his issues (anxiety but also sensory overwhelm and possibly burnout) and IMO they made it worse. Waiving some assignments after they were overdue was too-little-too-late when it was the classroom (and hallways etc.) that were the actual problem. Eventually they told me we had to stop allowing him to even call home (with no clear plan for how I was supposed to even get him in the building to begin with under those conditions); we withdrew to homeschooling and then Fusion and we are still recovering. I hope you have better luck.

And this has highlighted the issue that schools have. Teacher can recognize that a kid has anxiety or some other problem, but what are you expecting an individual teacher to do about a kid when the problem is with coming to school or to class and completing the assignments? All they can do is waive the assignment.

PP you're responding to here. I wasn't expecting the *teachers* to do anything. I did expect the counseling/admin staff to be more actively helpful, and to be willing to explore solutions beyond "just make him go". Some of the other specialty programs within MCPS may have been a good fit to address the environmental issues, but our family was operating in crisis mode and I didn't have additional time to research them and do that legwork. Their "nice/supportive" attitude was cloaking a layer of judgment that neither our kid nor us parents were trying hard enough when nothing meaningful was actually changing about the environment to make that manageable. It would have been great if instead they could have made us aware of the alternatives and helped us start whatever processes were necessary to see if they'd work and if DC would qualify.

(We already had testing and a 504 and had been actively working with the school staff since 6th grade, so this wasn't completely out of the blue.)

It sounds like you may need to get the testing updated. What does your kid's therapist and psychiatrist think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child is terrified to be in school, is Virtual Academy not an option?

Absolutely not. It just feeds into the problem. The VA just isolates kids more. He needs to learn how to cope in public places. Including school.

No, he actually doesn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child is terrified to be in school, is Virtual Academy not an option?

Absolutely not. It just feeds into the problem. The VA just isolates kids more. He needs to learn how to cope in public places. Including school.

That can be done over time, but OP’s child needs education right now. We really have got to decouple school the activities of learning from school the place you sit for six and a half hours.

[Anonymous]

Yes, in the short term the focus should be on addressing the the learning loss, not the concern that the school is going to come after you for truancy.

[Anonymous]

With a 504, the first thing you’re likely to get is a flash pass. You might also see alternative scheduling with partial days and shorter schedule. But the problem with that is if both parents work during school hours, you may have to find someone to drop off and pick up your kid.

I’d ask for a meeting with the school. In MCPS if a kid is absent ten days in a row, they get disenrolled so you really want to be working with the school. Also if alternative placement is needed, it has to occur through the IEP process. Like a PP mine ended up in ESESES because the home school didn’t have adequate support. Also virtual was a dismal failure.