Holiday gift xchange: cousins edition

[Anonymous]

Just curious, can you give us examples of the atocrious gifts you received in the past?

Otherwise I concur with others. Just tell them kids are getting older and less predictable in what they like and it's easier to give cash. Be honest and say that Taylor Swift is likely to get thrown away or donated. Any intelligent adult should understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP but something I’ve always been curious about. Why are people so hell bent on gifting crap? Aren’t we all tired of the madness of running around?

I know some people just regift crap that they don't want in their own house that their kids have gotten for birthday gifts or other things.... So they are not actually going out and buying these presents. They're just basically wrapping up crap they already own and giving it to the niece or whoever

OP said they're getting monogrammed stuff, so I'm not sure how that would be stuff they already own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP but something I’ve always been curious about. Why are people so hell bent on gifting crap? Aren’t we all tired of the madness of running around?

I know some people just regift crap that they don't want in their own house that their kids have gotten for birthday gifts or other things.... So they are not actually going out and buying these presents. They're just basically wrapping up crap they already own and giving it to the niece or whoever

OP said they're getting monogrammed stuff, so I'm not sure how that would be stuff they already own.

That was in earlier years. I'll bet the TS stuff isn't monogrammed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious, can you give us examples of the atocrious gifts you received in the past?

Otherwise I concur with others. Just tell them kids are getting older and less predictable in what they like and it's easier to give cash. Be honest and say that Taylor Swift is likely to get thrown away or donated. Any intelligent adult should understand.

OP said for recent birthdays they gave the oldest a unicorn theme bag of stuff instead of the requested gift card and her younger child way below grade level books.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly , if they ask for cash for their kids then balk about not getting to buy Swiftie stuff for your kids then I would have no issues hurting their feelings or stomping on their shopping fun. They are demanding cash for their kids and aren’t bothering to get your kids something they might enjoy. This gifting is about them. They’re using your kids to buy crap that their kids would never had wanted. Just say no.

As a rule of thumb, the more pushy or overbearing a person behaves the more they deserve a big NO.

Our kids were the youngest of the sets of cousins. It's just silly that OP's get weird stuff and the others get cash or equivalent. Even young children understand walking into a store and buying something with money. And the ones with the cash cousins just trade cash. We evolved into family gifts like food or flowers. And in that realm there are plenty of fun things to send to a household.

[Anonymous]

I'd call a halt to cousin gift giving altogether, and switch to a charitable donation to a good cause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly , if they ask for cash for their kids then balk about not getting to buy Swiftie stuff for your kids then I would have no issues hurting their feelings or stomping on their shopping fun. They are demanding cash for their kids and aren’t bothering to get your kids something they might enjoy. This gifting is about them. They’re using your kids to buy crap that their kids would never had wanted. Just say no.

As a rule of thumb, the more pushy or overbearing a person behaves the more they deserve a big NO.

Our kids were the youngest of the sets of cousins. It's just silly that OP's get weird stuff and the others get cash or equivalent. Even young children understand walking into a store and buying something with money. And the ones with the cash cousins just trade cash. We evolved into family gifts like food or flowers. And in that realm there are plenty of fun things to send to a household.

Same for us. We send each household something like a box of Jeni's ice cream vs gifts for each individual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, they are siblings - why can't he say that? "Fine, my kids want cash, too" - that would make my sibling realize how ridiculous she sounded.

This. Or just say you’ve decided not to exchange cousin gifts any longer. They don’t have to agree, you can decide without them. Maybe make this year the last gift year so they have 1 year’s advance notice.

[Anonymous]

We went the route of explaining we wanted the gift to be good memories with family. We gave our kids gifts and we tried to stop the gift exchange insanity. The kids and cousins were fine with it. They had all learned about things like climate change and you get sick of faking a thank you and then gathering stuff to donate wondering if it just ends up in a landfill sooner or later.

Most people got on board with decreasing of the material aspect and it made for happier holidays. One sibling is pretty obsessive and controlling. She insisted on junk dumps and then created drama when people didn't thank her enough or write formal thank you notes or the kids didn't play with the gift in front of her. So be it. It's refreshing not to have to do so much shopping and worry about pleasing. Holidays really should be about beautiful memories and enjoying a nice meal together. The kids get some gifts they want from us and it's just more peaceful.

[Anonymous]

I am really curious to know if your kids like Taylor Swift. You’ve gotten a lot of good advice here and it’s just a question of you and DH picking an approach, implementing it, and sticking to it. Let us know how it turns out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd call a halt to cousin gift giving altogether, and switch to a charitable donation to a good cause.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, they are siblings - why can't he say that? "Fine, my kids want cash, too" - that would make my sibling realize how ridiculous she sounded.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly , if they ask for cash for their kids then balk about not getting to buy Swiftie stuff for your kids then I would have no issues hurting their feelings or stomping on their shopping fun. They are demanding cash for their kids and aren’t bothering to get your kids something they might enjoy. This gifting is about them. They’re using your kids to buy crap that their kids would never had wanted. Just say no.

As a rule of thumb, the more pushy or overbearing a person behaves the more they deserve a big NO.

Our kids were the youngest of the sets of cousins. It's just silly that OP's get weird stuff and the others get cash or equivalent. Even young children understand walking into a store and buying something with money. And the ones with the cash cousins just trade cash. We evolved into family gifts like food or flowers. And in that realm there are plenty of fun things to send to a household.

Please share your ideas!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:once all anyone will accept is cash, it is time to stop gifting.

we switched to a secret santa where each person gets one person to shop for. it is online and the online site does the picking names. there is also a place where people can enter wish lists. makes that part of christmas much more enjoyable.

This. I put a stop to our ever-growing, increasingly more complicated and expensive cousin and aunt and uncle gift exchange years ago. Once I started buying my SIL gifts right from a gift registry or when my BIL requested a gift card from a specific store, I knew it had to end. So, around late summer I sent an email that said due to our own kids’ various ages (and very specific interests) PLUS my own wish to simplify the holidays, we were no longer doing this gift exchange.

We also drew names so that each child would “only” have to buy for the assigned cousin and did same for adults. Still. I ended up going all of the shopping, wrapping and (overseas) shipping.

All of this said, send the email saying you are not participating.

[Anonymous]

Why are you inserting yourself into that? Tell your husband, “Hey, get some gifts to send to Maddy and Elise.” The end. Who cares what he gets?