Holiday gift xchange: cousins edition

[Anonymous]

Need advice. Here’s the background. DH has 2 sisters, who each have 3 kids, and we have 3 kids as well. Our kids are the youngest cousins (age 10 and below) while the nieces and nephews are all high school and college age. Ever since we’ve had kids, the holiday gifts from DH’s sisters to our kids have been the worst. Just stuff that, we would never use. Often monogrammed so not returnable. And it’s not that they’re cheap - it’s just that they’re atrocious, and I hate the waste of it because we end up donating or even pitching these gifts.

Ever since the nieces and nephews hit about age 10, we’ve given cash. So it feels like we’re “paying” into this gift exchange and simply throwing $ away because we get nothing useful in return. We’ve suggested ditching the gift exchange but we’re told no because “it’s so much fun to shop for the little ones”. Last year we managed to get them to agree to a secret Santa, which seemed to work fine (we received one crappy gift per child instead of 2, lol). But this year just received a group text from one of the sisters asking for our kids sizes and telling us it’s going to be a “Taylor swift Xmas” (our kids are girls) and also that cash is best for their kids’ gifts. The other SIL chimed in to concur. WTF??

How can we put a stop to this madness? DH and I are completely on the same page but he is more apt to just go along to get along whereas I want to make it stop. I suggested a gift card for our oldest’s birthday but was met with a unicorn themed bag of bs instead, and way under grade level books for our 10 yo.

Help!! WWYD?

[Anonymous]

I mean, they are siblings - why can't he say that? "Fine, my kids want cash, too" - that would make my sibling realize how ridiculous she sounded.

[Anonymous]

That’s really annoying! Sorry OP!

[Anonymous]

Amazon wishlist

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, they are siblings - why can't he say that? "Fine, my kids want cash, too" - that would make my sibling realize how ridiculous she sounded.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Why can't your husband say "Oh that's so sweet, but actually our girls aren't into Taylor Swift at all. They're more into Billie Eilish (or whoever)."

[Anonymous]

I completely get your frustration-I also hate holiday gift waste and have an overbearing SIL and a DH who doesn’t care as much as I do. Unfortunately, I think you have two not-great options in this situation: (1) text SILs yourself and say actually your kids would prefer cash too (in which case they’ll blame you for spoiling their holiday fun); or (2) decide you’re not going to care about this anymore and it’s DH’s job to address it if/when your kids are old enough to complain about the gifts they receive. I don’t think there’s a happy path forward for you 😕

[Anonymous]

Get their kids crappy gifts too, then maybe next year the madness will stop.

Or have your kids make wish lists and send them to the SILs. My 12 year old started making Google slides complete with pictures and links for the items on her wish list at Xmas last year.

[Anonymous]

once all anyone will accept is cash, it is time to stop gifting.

we switched to a secret santa where each person gets one person to shop for. it is online and the online site does the picking names. there is also a place where people can enter wish lists. makes that part of christmas much more enjoyable.

[Anonymous]

Get them monogrammed Snuggies.

[Anonymous]

Rip off the band aid and tell all of them this gifting is TOO much and you are opting out. Tell your DH first. If he is totally opposed, he can handle.

[Anonymous]

I would reply:

“Actually, the kids are getting really into math and they love the idea of gift certificates and being included in the big kid gift exchange! They request gift cards from Target and Barnes and Noble. Great idea aunties!”

Keep it light and fun. If they insist on physical gifts then you also bring physical gifts that your kids have fun picking out for their cousins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would reply:

“Actually, the kids are getting really into math and they love the idea of gift certificates and being included in the big kid gift exchange! They request gift cards from Target and Barnes and Noble. Great idea aunties!”

Keep it light and fun. If they insist on physical gifts then you also bring physical gifts that your kids have fun picking out for their cousins.

THIS. 100% this.

[Anonymous]

"I think at the point that kids only want cash, it's time to stop trying to give individual gifts. It was fun when everyone was little -- end of an era (token Taylor Swift reference even though the girls aren't fans)"

[Anonymous]

These are siblings, just TELL THEM. I mean, I’d straight up tell my sister that her gifts suck, lol.

What we’ve been doing the last several years is a white elephant. But that would only work if you get together during the holidays.