Skin color qestion for east asian parents

[Anonymous]

The Brazilians I know are very color conscious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:21:57, just curious...I thought the Spanish invasion of the Philippines lightened up the natives, thus creating the mestizos who were fairer, being mixed with the European blood of Spain. I am mestiza Filipina, and it seems my family with more native features are darker than the ones with Spanish blood. My two DCs are one quarter Filipino, but one looks very Asian and the other looks completely European.

Spaniards (in Spain) are white/very fair skinned. The further north you go, the taller their height and lighter their skin, than in southern Spain, where they're shorter, darker, & hairier. There's a misconception in the US that Central Americans are Spanish. They speak Spanish but are latino, a mixture of the indigenous Indians, Spaniards, & other ethnic groups.

In Europe, the Spaniards are considered dark.

That refers to the color of their hair, not their skin color.

[Anonymous]

Also skin color, Mediterranean people are sometimes described as olive skinned.

[Anonymous]

OP raised an important point IMO: how do we as parents deal with ideas and practices in the outside world that differ from our own family? Talking with other parents, live or on DCUM seems like a good starting point.

Here are some thoughts from personal and professional experience in dealing with race and identity. Sorry if these are redundant (or just plain uninteresting. I need coffee)

1. Think about the context: is the child just curious about how someone LOOKS or are they asking who someone IS. Example: "Yes, your adopted cousin looks like that woman we saw at the mall, but she IS part of our family."

2. Try to be consistent in your own use of "looks" versus "is". Kids who know what they are (culture, family, etc.) are often more confident in dealing with questions (or insults) about how they look. Make sense?

3. Know what's happening in class. Ask to see the books and teaching tools. You might be surprised. Offer suggestions of tools like your own books, family photo albums, dress up clothes etc. that might be informative and just plain fun.

4. Don't stress too much about it at the Kindergarten level. Until kids can understand concepts like basic genetics (striped cats vs., spotted cats) and nationality (Thailand vs Canada on a map), you probably don't need to go into as much detail as you think.

5. Make sure parents and friends know how you feel about this. Don't shy away from identity questions if they come up. You're kids are probably talking about differences anyway.

6. All do respect to Mr. Steele - skip the "multicultural" crayons in favor of the makeup counter (awesome idea PP!). Crayons are kind of like "flesh" colored bandaids IMO. Much less fun than powder and blush.

Anyway, before I ramble on too much, a website I posted elsewhere is www.antiracistparent.com

Not the be-all-end-all site, but might help OP and others to see some more perspectives on race/identity.

Plus they post weekly photos of really cute kids!!! Who just might look like yours.

[Anonymous]

Speaking as a blonde, fair-skinned, blue-eyed woman with husband and children "colored" the same, I have to say, there is no such thing as "white" skin as my 7 year old repeatedly points out when he hears people use this term. He too, as Mr. Steele's kids, uses terms like brown, cream, tan, peach, pink (I have rosacea), if he ever refers to skin color at all. He seems to think that is a really unimportant part of describing his friends. He is right and it gives me great hope and great thankfulness that my kids are growing up in a city with people from so many differently ethnicities, colors, creeds, and nationalities. .My greatest hope is that as society advances we will use terms labeling a person's skin color as part of a "racial" group - less and less. It really is grossly inaccuarte and unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure my son's friends will ask him why his mommy and daddy look so different. I haven't really put too much thought into it yet-but it's something to think about.

This came up with us the other day. My son is 8. I was caught off guard and didn't know what to say. Advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure my son's friends will ask him why his mommy and daddy look so different. I haven't really put too much thought into it yet-but it's something to think about.

This came up with us the other day. My son is 8. I was caught off guard and didn't know what to say. Advice?

The question is why is one parent one color and the other another color? Or, is the question, why are your parents married if they are different?

[zumbamama]

I grew up with a Filipino-Am mom and a German-Am dad, in a predominantly white neighborhood, although close enough to the Asian and Hispanic neighborhoods. I don't remember alot of my friends making an issue out of my parents being interracial. Only once in middle school did my friend say she didn't believe in racial mixing, but I didn't pay any attention to her. My kids and their friends don't seem to have an issue with my husband and I.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our children are bi-racial -- white and Asian. But they look white. Their skin color is white. The precise answer to the question "what is your skin color" has to be "white." To say anything else would simply be an inaccurate answer. But is it harmful to the child's self image for him/her to refer to his/her skin color as simply "white." As our children grapple with developing their own self image, doesn't suggesting to them that they are "white skinned" necessarily affect this development, weighing heavily in favor of the white parent. Moreover, would he/she be somehow perceived to be masking, for whatever reason, their actual ethnic makeup by referring to themselves as "white"? While the Asian half of this parent team has no strong feelings on the matter, isn't it somehow suggesting a discarding or a disrespecting of that person's cultural, ethnic history to refer only to "white skin."

What a complicated world we live in. Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated.

My parents are Caucasian and Asian, and most people who meet me assume that I am white. While I think the teacher's discussion is intended to promote students understanding and acceptance of difference, I think it is a confusing question for many children, and I'm glad that no one asked me what color my skin was growing up. Could you just tell them that their skin is beautiful? Or that it doesn't matter what you call their skin color?

[Anonymous]

This brings back such memories!! I am Indian in origin (born and raised in VA in the 80s) and growing up I remember having the same dilemma. My mom told me I was "tan" I only remember it being a big deal when I was in kindergarten, but after that I dont think anyone ever asked me. Also, I think other kids asked me, never my teachers.

[Anonymous]

I think when a child ask what skin color he is, it should be answered plain and simple the actual color his skin is.....lol

Race is another issue completly different.

Someone was talking about Brazil here, and over there people refer to their skin color as here someone refers to race...probably because maybe only 1% of the population can truthly refer to themselves as part of only one race...the rest would be lying.... too much mixing..mostly black/indians/portugueses - sometimes even more.

Also, someone said:

Anonymous wrote:
Spaniards (in Spain) are white/very fair skinned. The further north you go, the taller their height and lighter their skin, than in southern Spain, where they're shorter, darker, & hairier. There's a misconception in the US that Central Americans are Spanish. They speak Spanish but are latino, a mixture of the indigenous Indians, Spaniards, & other ethnic groups.

Before comming to this country I would never think of refering to someone as being latino as in a race per si...just as an origin. And that applied to countries where the language backgroud comes from latin - french, italian, spanish, portuguese (that I can think of).

[Anonymous]

I'm half Asian/half Caucasian and my husband is multiracial and this issue has come up in my family. Growing up I never felt "white" and I never felt "Asian." I just felt like what I was--a mix (or "happa" as we sometimes say.) The only time I think about classifying my skin color is when trying to buy makeup, and I usually find those labels totally unhelpful and just end up trying stuff on until I find something that works.

With my son, I just asked him when this issue came up, "well, what color skin do YOU think you have" and he said, "well, it looks pretty white to me, but not as pink as [name of classmate]'s" and then he noted that his little sister and I had darker skin, while his dad was fairer with freckles, and I agreed and we left it at that. I'm not too concerned about it. He knows that he is a mix and that's about it. As long as he grows up believing that there should be no value given to a person based on skin color, I'm cool with him self-identifying in whatever way feels comfortable to him.

Maybe it is just that when you are such a mixture you move beyond trying to classify yourself, accept that it is impossible, and accept your unique self for who you are. It's a good place to be.

[Anonymous]

I think it's rather a good sign there are so many posts from bi-racial parents or parents w/bi-racial kids. I'm from caucasian descent and my husband is from an indian background. Our DS is right in the middle skin tone-wise which to me is a beautiful color. His Indian grandparents like to refer to him as white. Maybe as a PP poster mentioned it's the matter of perspective. Although there is still a feeling about lighter skin being "better" in his family unfortunately. His sister loves to tease him that he was noted as "dark" when the family first came to the US on their immigration papers whereas her skin tone was noted as "medium". In addition, his parents are pretty fanatical about my DS wearing a hat and sunscreen all the time (even when in my opinion it's not necessary) and there was some urging to get me to eat a certain herb when I was pregnant - when I looked it up to try to figure out why I discovered that it is often thought to produce a lighter skinned child. I'm not entierely sure how to counteract this (other than to not eat that herb!). Anyway, to answer the color question, I refer to my DS skin as "tanned" or "golden". I think both of those words (as his skin tone is) are beautiful !

[Anonymous]

There is a great book called "The Color of Water" about a child of mixed heritage and his questions to his mother about skin color and God. You should read it. I love it. The author's name escapes me...

[Anonymous]

When I was young, my dad said I was a banana.
Yellow on the outside and white on the inside.
Probably not pc thing to say, but I often think that
I am yellow because of this comment... although I am
prob. considered light tan.