When a kid shows up obviously sick for a play date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you do? I hinted “wow Larla sounds pretty sick” a couple of times and mom just shrugged it off and said it was a cold. It felt too rude to tell them to leave.

You want to come off as laid back & friendly, but you don’t want to expose your family unnecessarily to an illness. Sorry but you can’t have both. You’ll never be able to control what someone thinks of you—that you’re rude or amazing and everything in between. The only way to achieve happiness is to drop your desire to please others. It’s quite liberating. Asserting your needs for your family does not equal rudeness.

[Anonymous]

When my son was small, in the winter he would get this horrific sounding cough. It was asthma manifesting as a cough. If someone asked I would explain, though I wouldn't go out of my way to say anything to anyone about it (except to teachers). But I did get some stink eyes at places like the library even though he was perfectly fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not call it out. That feels super rude. Also kids have colds all the time. Id prefer that its not in my house but its not the end of the world. Also little kids often sound worse than they are. And if this is a school friend, youre already exposed.

If weather allows I might suggest an outdoor activity and I would wipe down the toy room after they left (but I used to do this at that age anytime there were people in my house anyway because kids are gross!). I also would have done the same as you and commented on the symptoms to see what she says. It could be that its week 2 of a cough and the kid is not contagious and they got her checked out at thr dr yesterday or something.

But also, yeah, some parents are just rude!

Super rude of the guest.

Especially the way COVID is resurging

[Anonymous]

Honestly, my PK4er had asthma so every winter cough lasts 4-6 weeks. Doctor says that he’s not contagious any longer than anyone else with a cold (5-7 days, peaking the day symptoms appear) and obviously no one keeps there kid home for 5-7 days for a cold anyway. I think with kids it’s really hard to know how sick/contagious a kid is based on respiratory symptoms alone. If the kid is acting sick, that’s obviously entirely different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d ask to reschedule, but I don’t understand some pps being so angry at the parent. Different people might look at a cold-y child differently. As an elementary school teacher, I see some kids who seem to always have runny noses—I’m sure it hardly registers for their parents anymore.

Have you heard of allergies?

[Anonymous]

Feign an illness yourself and leave — I am so sorry to do this, but I’m feeling sick to my stomach. Or I can feel a migraine coming on.

Or move it outside.

Or if you have to be honest? Say “I would feel more comfortable if we could reschedule to a day when everyone’s healthy, is that ok?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are you defining "sick"? And if the kid was acting his usual self than don't be deterred by the ubiquitous runny nose and post nasal drip cough

Yeah I don't consider a kid "sick" unless they are feverish, lethargic, or vomiting. An energetic kid with a cough/runny nose is basically par for the course in the winter and I send them to school.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At this point I just let it ride, but I suppose I remember that about the person if we ever really don't want to get sick before a trip or something.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also in the camp of telling them we'll reschedule.

Same.

School germs we can’t control but we should all be respectful of what we bring into each other’s homes.

On top of not wanting our kid sick, DH and I are independent consultants. If we get sick and take time off work, we don’t get paid; it’s that simple for us, really.

[Anonymous]

I'm a preschool teacher and it makes me sooo annoyed when parents send in their kids with very obvious sick symptoms. I'm not talking a little stuffy nose or a little cough. No I'm talking just snot running like a faucet from their nose, watery and red eyes, coughing and hacking. First of all it's not fair to their own child to be sick and miserable at school. It's not fair to the other kids who are now exposed to sickness and to those other parents who are diligent about keeping their sick kids homes. These parents sending in their sick kids knowing they are sick are being so incredibly selfish to the other families it makes my head spend. They have no idea if the other kids in the class have a sickly family member where if they catch anything it could be major, or another child in the class who is immunocompromised. They have no idea of the underlying health conditions of the teachers. Oh no but my favorite are the parents who drug their kids up on fever reducing medication than magically 4-6 hours later their child has a fever. We aren't stupid we know what you did.

Preschool is not a substitute for home and it's certainly not a hospital or doctors office. On top of managing a classroom of children and teaching them and dealing with the everyday happenings of a 3/4 year old classroom now teachers are expected to play doctor and guess this sickness.

Nope. I used to feel bad about calling parents to come get their child if they are sick but now I don't anymore. Sorry not sorry.

[Anonymous]

head spin*

[Anonymous]

I would just do outdoors.
Continue to be floored by the dcum cohort who seem to think it is so easy to be super rude and just tell people to go away/ no you can’t stay/ no I don’t want to do xyz. I rarely meet anyone as direct irl as some on here seem to suggest is appropriate and I have a feeling they are in real life not behaving like this