my 7th grader basically eats alone every day at new school

[Anonymous]

Is it possible she's interacting a little bit with the other kids in the teacher's classroom? Maybe not as much as you would hope but maybe it's a good start?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible she's interacting a little bit with the other kids in the teacher's classroom? Maybe not as much as you would hope but maybe it's a good start?

This. She can start building friendships there, with her fellow introverts. Where she can actually hear what people are saying!

The middle school lunch room = 7th circle of hell. There are lots of other times and places to make friends.

[Anonymous]

My dd always has lunch in her favorite teachers classroom every day. Been doing it for years and much prefers it. Some times it is just her and sometimes the room is full. Dd takes adhd meds so not really hungry at lunch and says the cafeteria messes with her anxiety.

[Anonymous]

I loved lunch with my favorite teachers when I was in middle school. Why would you eat in that horrid cesspit of germs, noise, and drama when you could sit peacefully with a book?

If you want your DD to make friends there are 1000 places where that's more likely to happen than at lunch. Have her join the stage crew of the musical or something. Ah, memories!

[Anonymous]

Both our MS and HS give the kids alternates to the cafeteria. My eldest usually eats with friends but sometime prefers to be in a quiet space.
If you are trying to come up with ways for your DD to get to know classmates, choir was absolutely wonderful for my kids. I'm guessing that band/orchestra would be similar.

[Anonymous]

What a great teacher giving these kids a safe place to eat!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel this so deeply OP. I was a lonely kid, I was an only child at home. I was incredibly shy and had trouble opening up to sit with others at school. I’m glad your daughter has this teacher and safe space.

+1. I thought the poor child sat at table by themselves. Thank goodness this teacher is kind.

I used to hide out at the library at my new school during lunch. This is better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a great teacher giving these kids a safe place to eat!

Yes! Please consider sending this teacher thank you note. And a gift card if you’re able, but more importantly, a thank you card. And email her and copy her admin thanking her for the time and care she is spending with your kiddo. I wouldn’t specifically mention lunch, though, just in the off chance she’s not supposed to be having kids in her room.

[Anonymous]

OP - I was your DD 30 years ago. I preferred to eat alone quietly through middle and high school. In college, I ate in my room 99% of the time. Even now I will often eat lunch alone in my office rather than in my workplace cafeteria or lounge areas.

I’d like to think I’m a successful, functioning adult with a wonderful family and a good group of friends and fairly active social life. But noisy chaotic, cafeterias have just never been my thing. If it doesn’t bother your DD, consider letting her be.

[Anonymous]

Also, do not ever let on to your daughter that you know about her lunch arrangements and especially that you find it problematic. She seems to have found a healthy solution to a difficult situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Apparently a teacher keeps her door open and plays videos in the classroom during lunch. A handful of kids sit in there, separately, watching movies while eating. I think she's maybe embarrassed about it because she'd just told me that she's been 'eating with other kids' and said nothing about the set up.

I heard about it from another parent, and I'm not going to say anything about it to my kid for now. I'm glad she has a safe place to go and isn't having to wander into a huge cafeteria without a place to sit, but still... Well. It just makes me feel so sad. Making friends can be so hard, especially if you're a shy kid.

I don’t know about you but that teacher deserves a huge hug and recognition for doing that for kids

[Anonymous]

Agree that the teacher is amazing. But the mom should start guiding her daughter to make friendships and interact with others.

[Anonymous]

I'm another functional, social adult for whom the middle school cafeteria was a nightmare. I think I ate there once before bailing to my very kind English teacher's classroom, where a handful of us ate lunch together. That was pretty much my go-to lunch plan throughout middle school - the kindness of various teachers who understood that the cafeteria was an introvert's nightmare. It usually ended up being its own social group, as the refugees got to know each other.

My own middle schooler is going through this now at a new school, but there's no option other than the dining commons. She usually eats alone, though has occasionally joined other girls from her grade. They are required to sit by grade, and her best friend (from an outside of school sport) is in a different year, so they meet up after eating but can't sit together. We're keeping an eye on it, as we'd like her to connect with some of the people from her grade, but we know it can take time. I'd love it if she had an option like you describe, as it would provide a more natural way to connect with others with less pressure than the traditional lunch chaos.

[Anonymous]

I am confused. What about the set up makes you think that she is lonely and has no friends? Maybe her friends are in there so that is why she is in there with the other kids? Why not just ask her?

[Anonymous]

I’m another functional, plenty of friends, happily married adult who had trouble with lunch rooms at schools for my *entire* school career, including college.

God, well do I remember the horror of entering a busy lunch room where it seemed like every other person had someone to sit with besides me. I would’ve been perfectly happy sitting by myself reading a book, except for the fact that I knew it made other people think I was some kind of freak.

The only thing that could’ve made it more horrible was if my parents had gotten involved to try to fix it.

So to me, the teacher’s movie room for lunch sounds awesome! I see no problem here.

Even today, if I am in a work situation where the whole day is spent in meetings or whatever, the absolute last thing I want to do is take my lunch period and be forced to interact with people. Some people just need some quiet thinking time and would rather not have a social activity every. single. day. at lunchtime. Would you want to go out with your coworkers for lunch every day? I would not!