It's hard for me that my son doesn't want to spend time with me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, there’s grumpy and then there’s just outright rude and disrespectful. Those responses are unacceptable. He doesn’t have to sit and hang out with. But he damn well better be respectful.

There needs to be a Come-to-Jesus family meeting. Everything he holds dear, meaning his phone, money, access to friends, will quickly disappear if he ever responds like that.

Have some self-respect.

Yes treating 17 year old like they are 10 works well. Do that and when he leave he never comes back.

[Anonymous]

No. Just no. I have a 17 year old son. He has an active social life. We don’t see him as much as I would like. He prioritizes school, sports, friends over us. All that is fine and normal behavior and while it may sting once in a while, I am glad he is acting in an age appropriate manner.

However, my son knows better than to answer me the way yours answered you. He might be surly. He might snap at me. But no way would he ever think to respond the way yours did.

Does he ever do anything to connect with you? For my kid, he looks for a kiss on his head every morning while he is sitting at the breakfast table. Mostly he grunts or jokes with me when I do this but it means something to him. If he doesn’t get it (and I am around), he will usually come to find me and check in before he leaves the house. I am not sure he even knows he does this but I am happy he is looking for some connection. What does your kid do? Focus on that and start from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, there’s grumpy and then there’s just outright rude and disrespectful. Those responses are unacceptable. He doesn’t have to sit and hang out with. But he damn well better be respectful.

There needs to be a Come-to-Jesus family meeting. Everything he holds dear, meaning his phone, money, access to friends, will quickly disappear if he ever responds like that.

Have some self-respect.

Yep this. why do you let him talk to you like that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds typical soiling the nest behavior.

https://grownandflown.com/soiling-the-nest-teens-being-bad/

Yup. OP my son is the same age and has completely shifted his social life from me (COVID-related) to a group of friends, and it has been a hard summer.

He has not been as mouthy, but maybe that gives me something to look forward to when he really gets ready to go off to college.

It's time for you (and me) to start developing more outside interests. I had already started that, but now I have some real time to actually do things on a regular basis. I think part of it is they are worried you and I can't function without them, lol. Show him you can. Not only that, but you enjoy doing stuff without him.

I was able to work in seeing two matinee movies with my son this summer. And that was really enjoyable. Otherwise, he was out with friends almost all day, every day. A huge switch from biking/hiking/walking the dog with me. Going to movies only with me. Me teaching him how to drive. And so on. So I did miss him. But it is normal for them to pull away. We need to let them do it. I did more furniture refinishing, more gardening, more bike trips by myself, and it has been luxurious. Find the good in this. Your relationship with him will return, just in a different way.

[Anonymous]

My son was a bit younger when he started to pull away, but it was rough in the beginning. When he started to act rude - I shifted the way I interacted with him. The first time he was rude to me in the car when I was driving him to school I told him to get out and find his own way to school. There were other things over the course of a week or two and I told him that I would rather not interact with him at all than the way he was talking to me. That changed everything, I think he recognized that I was giving him space and that it wasn't too much to ask him to not be a jerk. We have a good relationship now, we took a road trip to the midwest together over the summer and had a great time.

Occasionally he'll forget that when I say I'm leaving at 8:15, I'm leaving but I always get a laugh when he runs out the door carrying his shoes with one sock on.

[Anonymous]

I think your son is rude and worse, mean. I have a 16 year old and even if he said something like that in the heat of moment he would pretty quickly apologize and take ownership it was rude and not nice.

It's normal he's out and with friends. Try to catch him at a time that's better for a teen with something he likes. I would offer to take mine to Starbucks on Sunday morning and buy him some crappy drink there. He'd go with me.

You need your own friends and plans. Invite friends over for Friday night in the yard sipping a seltzer or a glass of wine if that's your thing. Weather is beautiful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two seperate things here - normal and healthy for a 17 year old to have an active healthy life, and part of growing up. However, is it so not acceptable for him to speak to you this way and that needs to be addressed.

+1 Totally unacceptable

[Anonymous]

I have a 20 yo and 16 yo boy and while they have their own social lives they do not speak to us like that! Especially if this a regular occurrence. You can be grumpy, hungry, mad but you will not be cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, there’s grumpy and then there’s just outright rude and disrespectful. Those responses are unacceptable. He doesn’t have to sit and hang out with. But he damn well better be respectful.

There needs to be a Come-to-Jesus family meeting. Everything he holds dear, meaning his phone, money, access to friends, will quickly disappear if he ever responds like that.

Have some self-respect.

Exactly this. I have boys, one in college doing well, and this kind of language is not an acceptable way to treat anyone.

There is a difference between independence and just being an total jerk.

[Anonymous]

You let someone talk to you like that in your own damn house?

[Anonymous]

Wow. If that’s the way he talks to his mother imagine how he talks to other women outside of your home. Imagine how he will talk to his girlfriend or wife. Why are you letting him think it’s okay to talk to people that way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And to continue on from above ^^^ it’s not too late to rein some of this in, but most of the damage is done. It’s going to take a LOT of work to fix some of that in a short amount of time, including doing stuff like taking away his vehicle for the rest of the entire school year.

Hopefully you’re not a single mom and there is an Alpha Male father in the house. But if there was sufficient testosterone in the parenting mix in the first place, then this wouldn’t have happened.

Your two posts are barf 🤮

[Anonymous]

Are you coming back Op?

Tell us what triggered his outburst?

Can you admit you're over bearing? Control issues? You shed your own insecurity and anxiety on to him?
Do you infantile him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, there’s grumpy and then there’s just outright rude and disrespectful. Those responses are unacceptable. He doesn’t have to sit and hang out with. But he damn well better be respectful.

There needs to be a Come-to-Jesus family meeting. Everything he holds dear, meaning his phone, money, access to friends, will quickly disappear if he ever responds like that.

Have some self-respect.

I have to agree with this a little.

I have a 15 year old son, so we’re not there yet. But I think it’s reasonable to expect a certain level of respect from family members (not even just your kids!).

[Anonymous]

It is natural for him to be grumpy and to want to separate from you.

But it is not ok to be mean and hurtful. I would address this by trying to engage with him about the way he speaks to you, and follow up with consequences if necessary.