WFO expecting SAHP & WFHP to be their substitutes

[Anonymous]

I’m a SAHM and never, not once, has anyone asked me to watch their kids. Not a single solitary time.

[Anonymous]

Long time WFH parent and no one has ever asked me for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM and never, not once, has anyone asked me to watch their kids. Not a single solitary time.

Same. No one ever asks me to watch their kids. I do have 3 kids and often carpool. We take turns.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been a SAHM for 15 years. The topic comes up regularly on DCUM and it occurs almost never in my actual life. In fact the only people who ever asked me for favors were other SAHM’s when all of our kids were very small.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long time WFH parent and no one has ever asked me for this.

+1

At most another parent may ask if I can grab their kid from the bus stop and let them hang out for a hour because they have a late afternoon meeting. But those parents also help me in a pinch. These are my “emergency contact” friends.

Most working parents I know have a lot of layers of backup childcare plans + at least one parent has some flexibility at work. For school days off we use camps not other moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it fair for commuters to ask their SAHP and WFHP neighbors and friends to drive and babysit their children often?

Obviously, no one minds helping out in emergency but its not someone else's problem if you regularly can't show up for your offspring or decided to live far from your work. One may be also picking their kid but planning to stop for lunch or at grandma's house or rush home for a meeting or chore, not dropping extra kids at their home.

Shouldn't there be as much compensation as market rate and acceptance for people saying no if it doesn't suit them? Why one saying no comes out as unreasonable not the one asking?

Compensation? No. If you don’t want it to do it for free, just decline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a working mom and I am VERY careful about not taking advantage of my sahm friends.

This has been my experience as a sahm. Wohms only occasionally ask but at some points its a bit more frequent with good reason. I can usually help out and while I am fine with no reimbursement they really over do it with offering to watch my kid or take them for a fun outing when they have the time.

[Anonymous]

I have one parent in my orbit who has routinely done this. She's a neighbor and we (the neighbors) eventually just had to all stop helping completely. I like her and I'm glad she's my neighbor but she needed to learn to deal with stuff without involving us. It got to the point when she was asking a SAHM to pick up her kid from practice because she was getting her hair done. LOL.

She is MUCH better about it now and we're all happier.

[Anonymous]

I don’t mind. I help when I can and find that other moms do too. Some of us can help more than others but it all works out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it fair for commuters to ask their SAHP and WFHP neighbors and friends to drive and babysit their children often?

Obviously, no one minds helping out in emergency but its not someone else's problem if you regularly can't show up for your offspring or decided to live far from your work. One may be also picking their kid but planning to stop for lunch or at grandma's house or rush home for a meeting or chore, not dropping extra kids at their home.

Shouldn't there be as much compensation as market rate and acceptance for people saying no if it doesn't suit them? Why one saying no comes out as unreasonable not the one asking?

This isn’t new.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Often? No.

In a pinch sure.

Did they offer to pay you back in some way, like taking your kids somewhere on the weekend?

I learned the hard way, not even in as pinch, because the old "give an inch and they take a mile" is true. Even when I was a SAHM, I had backup care that I paid for.

[Anonymous]

Of course it's fair for anyone to ask for anything, just like it's fair for anyone to say no to any favor being asked of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course it's fair for anyone to ask for anything, just like it's fair for anyone to say no to any favor being asked of them.

I ageee with this. I’m a work from home mom. During the pandemic when we didn’t have childcare my close friend let me know she felt like I was leaning on her too often. I thanked her helpful for letting me know, apologized, and adjusted. I’ve tried to be more mindful of helping with her kids more often when I can. I appreciated that she set boundaries and let me know what they were when I hadn’t realized it was getting to be more than she wanted and I was just a bit overwhelmed and oblivious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course it's fair for anyone to ask for anything, just like it's fair for anyone to say no to any favor being asked of them.

I ageee with this. I’m a work from home mom. During the pandemic when we didn’t have childcare my close friend let me know she felt like I was leaning on her too often. I thanked her helpful for letting me know, apologized, and adjusted. I’ve tried to be more mindful of helping with her kids more often when I can. I appreciated that she set boundaries and let me know what they were when I hadn’t realized it was getting to be more than she wanted and I was just a bit overwhelmed and oblivious.

Wow no. People should not have to tell you that you are taking advantage of them. That is on you. You are lucky she told you rather than just distance herself.