What if the elderly parent's house is more luxurious than the adult child's house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When your father is violently screaming at your 80 year old mother every waking second while she pretty much kills herself trying to savor even one second of happiness with him in the home they raised their children, come back and talk, you evil being.

THISSSSSS!!! My father just passed after screaming NOONONOONOOOOO every time she even suggested moving. He destroyed the last five years where she could have been with her family and friends. I loved my Dad but his profound selfishness is something that will always stick with me. My mother is now too physically disabled to enjoy the rest of her life in the manner she would have liked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A four bedroom house is incredibly difficult and time consuming to keep up with general maintenance and cleanliness, particularly as you get older. If you’ve only ever lived in a one bedroom apartment as an adult, this is something you wouldn’t understand. So, no, I don’t think your elderly parents would actually want to move in with you, but at some point they might want to live somewhere easier for them to manage.

My parents have a 4 bedroom house. They do not use all the space obviously, but they have kept their home pretty minimalistic in terms of possessions, and so they do not have a problem in keeping the house maintained.

Oh FFS. It's a problem of keeping their bodies and minds healthy enough that they can safely live there. It's not even about maintenance really.

Oh FFS. You and your parents take steps to keep their bodies, minds, social engagement and spirit healthy and happy for the longest time and do everything possible to keep them in their home. Americans treat their elderly parents like a burden. Actually, they treat their children as a burden too. It is a terrible cycle.

Have you met my parents? Good luck with managing them, their health and minds, planning their social engagement, etc. You live in a fantasy world. They are adults with free will who have - for better or worse - made their own choices about how to live. I, their child, have been dutifully counseling them for years on ideas for how they could prepare better for old age. Needless to say, they have not been receptive to my trying to "micromanage" their lives in this way.

Which is how we got to the present: they live in their 4000+ square foot home, have a large puppy they struggle to care for, refuse to modify home for mobility even though one parent is completely wheel-chair bound and stuck in one room. And guess who they expect to drop everything and fly down to save them from their bad choices? Me. The one with lots of teenagers to raise (not a burden, but certainly a responsibility) and her own long term health problems. So it's not a matter of looking at them as burden, it's a matter of them burdening me with their denial and poor choices.

Similar situation. Family member told me that I should have bought a house where they moved cross country next to THEM because, clearly, my family does not matter. What my HUSBAND wants clearly doesn’t matter (he’s near his father and I would not DREAM of making him leave and go through what I am). Poor choices and denial is about right - drove finances right into the ground, can’t afford the house anymore, and instead of downsizing and replenishing the nest egg, I’m, again, a selfish horrible person for not shelling out the $$. Well, my husband was just laid off and it’s a blessing in disguise. Yes, he will get another job quickly, but it will ease the ‘gimme’ mentality.