I am the underachiever among all my friends

[Anonymous]

OP, please think about how you are talking about yourself and your worth.

Of all the people you love in your life -- children, partner, friends, grandparents -- whomever it is that means so much to you -- do you love them for their achievements or who they are?

That's how people feel about you.

We may not be able to explain exactly why we like/love some people so much -- but it sure as he!! isn't because of their "achievements."

Anecdote -- but one of my BF is what DCUM would call a dud. He dropped out of college and works in the gig economy. I adore him. He is so kind and positive, I just enjoy being around him and talking about music and stuff. No one cares what his 401k is.

[Anonymous]

Your friends love you for who you are not for your résumé.

No one cares about jobs, titles, awards, salary, achievement, blah blah blah blah

Your friends love your sense of humor, your unique point of view, your shared history, your loving nature, your talking and listening with them, your willingness to be a fellow traveler with them through life and the great unknown.

[Anonymous]

OP. My friends are nice and not making me feel bad. I simple feel bad about it all. They are all CEOs, partners, company owners/sellers, full Professors, etc and/or have married and raised kids with someone who is/has. I have done neither of these things.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel your pain. I am going back to work in a field for which I have no passion because the shame of not working is overwhelming me. We don't contribute as much to society as women who work do unless there are unusual circumstances (e.g. caring for child with special needs or ill relative). That is why we will never be respected in the way that working mothers are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM and almost all my friends work. I used to be the achiever but now I’m not. DH says his success is my success but it doesn’t really feel like it. DH is probably the most successful, at least financially, among our friends.

Same here. I also get alot of “when are you going back to work” and “it is such a waste of your talent”. DH earns seven figures. It is what it is. All my old classmates are CEOs, managing directors or partners. I made peace with it.

DH also earns seven figures and seems to have unlimited opportunities. My former classmates and coworkers are all very senior. I was fairly senior myself before I decided to take a break. I was planning to go back but then we had a third child and Covid happened.

[Anonymous]

You might be surprised to see what people prioritize. I feel super successful because I think I have the best work/life balance to income ratio, but probably my friends think I’m a slacker.

Basically do what you want. That’s something to really be proud of.

[Anonymous]

Someone has it worse off than you do… Keep your chin up.

[Anonymous]

I guess I'm the guy who was always a terrible student but managed to get wealthy--killed it in sales and my parents got very rich and have been very generous with me.

[Anonymous]

What? Trust me, to underachieve is better than to overachieve. Are you enjoying quality time and "present"? You never get these years back....