How are we managing activities??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re 90 mins from one of the schools?

This is the unsustainable part. But to answer your question, I (mom) don’t work and my kids’ school and outside activities are 15-20 minutes away so I can go back and forth multiple times a day. It’s not pleasant, but at least it’s possible.

It’s all relative. Our schools are 2-8 minutes away and the 8 minute ones have a bus. I find your 15-20 minute schools unsustainable. My sister picked privates for her kids that are 20 minutes away and constantly complains how much she’s in the car. Well…yeah, who could have foreseen that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can’t have it all OP. That was a lie.

Basically this. And in many ways key choices have to be made before you even have kids or when they’re really young, before you even know what life with ES age kids will look like.

I purposely chose a lower pressure/more flexible job after I got married/before kids because I didn’t see how two of us could work really demanding jobs and make it all work. It has permanently reduced my salary and career advancement options. When I am at work meetings or gatherings for professional organizations I tend to feel inadequate and less accomplished compared to others in the room. But most of the time in day to day life I see how beneficial my choice was for my family. I am leaving work now so I can be home for the bus and get one of my kids to a sports practice that starts at 5. I will hop back on the computer around 9 pm and do a couple more hours of work as I do many nights.

I think the choice that I made was generally the right one for me, but others could vary understandably choose differently. I’m sure some part of me will always wonder what I could’ve accomplished in my career if we had the family support to allow both parents to put in long hours away from home. I think it’s perfectly OK to limit the number of activities kids do if their parents’ work schedule does not allow for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t have it all OP. That was a lie.

Basically this. And in many ways key choices have to be made before you even have kids or when they’re really young, before you even know what life with ES age kids will look like.

I purposely chose a lower pressure/more flexible job after I got married/before kids because I didn’t see how two of us could work really demanding jobs and make it all work. It has permanently reduced my salary and career advancement options. When I am at work meetings or gatherings for professional organizations I tend to feel inadequate and less accomplished compared to others in the room. But most of the time in day to day life I see how beneficial my choice was for my family. I am leaving work now so I can be home for the bus and get one of my kids to a sports practice that starts at 5. I will hop back on the computer around 9 pm and do a couple more hours of work as I do many nights.

I think the choice that I made was generally the right one for me, but others could vary understandably choose differently. I’m sure some part of me will always wonder what I could’ve accomplished in my career if we had the family support to allow both parents to put in long hours away from home. I think it’s perfectly OK to limit the number of activities kids do if their parents’ work schedule does not allow for it.

Glad that works for you but some people do ‘have it all’ For example, the dual physician, kids, afternoon nanny families referred to above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t have it all OP. That was a lie.

Basically this. And in many ways key choices have to be made before you even have kids or when they’re really young, before you even know what life with ES age kids will look like.

I purposely chose a lower pressure/more flexible job after I got married/before kids because I didn’t see how two of us could work really demanding jobs and make it all work. It has permanently reduced my salary and career advancement options. When I am at work meetings or gatherings for professional organizations I tend to feel inadequate and less accomplished compared to others in the room. But most of the time in day to day life I see how beneficial my choice was for my family. I am leaving work now so I can be home for the bus and get one of my kids to a sports practice that starts at 5. I will hop back on the computer around 9 pm and do a couple more hours of work as I do many nights.

I think the choice that I made was generally the right one for me, but others could vary understandably choose differently. I’m sure some part of me will always wonder what I could’ve accomplished in my career if we had the family support to allow both parents to put in long hours away from home. I think it’s perfectly OK to limit the number of activities kids do if their parents’ work schedule does not allow for it.

Glad that works for you but some people do ‘have it all’ For example, the dual physician, kids, afternoon nanny families referred to above.

Having a nanny take my child to their activities is not “having it all” - not even close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t have it all OP. That was a lie.

Basically this. And in many ways key choices have to be made before you even have kids or when they’re really young, before you even know what life with ES age kids will look like.

I purposely chose a lower pressure/more flexible job after I got married/before kids because I didn’t see how two of us could work really demanding jobs and make it all work. It has permanently reduced my salary and career advancement options. When I am at work meetings or gatherings for professional organizations I tend to feel inadequate and less accomplished compared to others in the room. But most of the time in day to day life I see how beneficial my choice was for my family. I am leaving work now so I can be home for the bus and get one of my kids to a sports practice that starts at 5. I will hop back on the computer around 9 pm and do a couple more hours of work as I do many nights.

I think the choice that I made was generally the right one for me, but others could vary understandably choose differently. I’m sure some part of me will always wonder what I could’ve accomplished in my career if we had the family support to allow both parents to put in long hours away from home. I think it’s perfectly OK to limit the number of activities kids do if their parents’ work schedule does not allow for it.

Glad that works for you but some people do ‘have it all’ For example, the dual physician, kids, afternoon nanny families referred to above.

Having a nanny take my child to their activities is not “having it all” - not even close.

Because you miss out on the dropping them off to the activity and picking them up when it’s done?

[Anonymous]

We only have one kid, which makes life easier. We live 5 minutes from his school. DH has been working from home since COVID and is able to take breaks at different times. Some days he goes and plays tennis at lunch, some days he takes DS to an activity after school. I have a flexible job where I can leave early if I need to.

DS has something pretty much every day of the week, his choice, but the earliest anything starts is 6 PM. It has been that way since he was in 4th grade. He has time to get home from school, have a snack, do homework, and relax before activities.

But we choose a house that was close to our jobs so we had a short commute and a house that was close to the school any kids would attend. And we looked for jobs that are flexible. I have not searched for jobs because I like the flexibility of my job. I could probably make more money but I would need to work longer hours and have less flexibility and that is not what I want. But all of those are deliberate choices that we have made.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t have it all OP. That was a lie.

Basically this. And in many ways key choices have to be made before you even have kids or when they’re really young, before you even know what life with ES age kids will look like.

I purposely chose a lower pressure/more flexible job after I got married/before kids because I didn’t see how two of us could work really demanding jobs and make it all work. It has permanently reduced my salary and career advancement options. When I am at work meetings or gatherings for professional organizations I tend to feel inadequate and less accomplished compared to others in the room. But most of the time in day to day life I see how beneficial my choice was for my family. I am leaving work now so I can be home for the bus and get one of my kids to a sports practice that starts at 5. I will hop back on the computer around 9 pm and do a couple more hours of work as I do many nights.

I think the choice that I made was generally the right one for me, but others could vary understandably choose differently. I’m sure some part of me will always wonder what I could’ve accomplished in my career if we had the family support to allow both parents to put in long hours away from home. I think it’s perfectly OK to limit the number of activities kids do if their parents’ work schedule does not allow for it.

Glad that works for you but some people do ‘have it all’ For example, the dual physician, kids, afternoon nanny families referred to above.

Having a nanny take my child to their activities is not “having it all” - not even close.

Because you miss out on the dropping them off to the activity and picking them up when it’s done?

It’s part of parenting to me - I love the impromptu conversations, seeing them interact with their peers, etc. It’s important to me and I’d be sad to hire it out. Others aren’t and that’s ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t have it all OP. That was a lie.

Basically this. And in many ways key choices have to be made before you even have kids or when they’re really young, before you even know what life with ES age kids will look like.

I purposely chose a lower pressure/more flexible job after I got married/before kids because I didn’t see how two of us could work really demanding jobs and make it all work. It has permanently reduced my salary and career advancement options. When I am at work meetings or gatherings for professional organizations I tend to feel inadequate and less accomplished compared to others in the room. But most of the time in day to day life I see how beneficial my choice was for my family. I am leaving work now so I can be home for the bus and get one of my kids to a sports practice that starts at 5. I will hop back on the computer around 9 pm and do a couple more hours of work as I do many nights.

I think the choice that I made was generally the right one for me, but others could vary understandably choose differently. I’m sure some part of me will always wonder what I could’ve accomplished in my career if we had the family support to allow both parents to put in long hours away from home. I think it’s perfectly OK to limit the number of activities kids do if their parents’ work schedule does not allow for it.

Glad that works for you but some people do ‘have it all’ For example, the dual physician, kids, afternoon nanny families referred to above.

Having a nanny take my child to their activities is not “having it all” - not even close.

Because you miss out on the dropping them off to the activity and picking them up when it’s done?

NP but I don’t drop off for many of the activities. I sit in on the music lesson (at teacher’s request and invitation) so I can also learn and therefore help him practice at home. I sit and watch his tennis lesson. I attend soccer practices and games and also chat with other parents. Having a nanny do all that instead would not be the same for me at all.

[Anonymous]

Once kids outnumber parents/ adults in the house you either get help (i.e. nanny/au pair/ babysitter/grandparent) OR you strategize. The strategies can vary: Someone stays home or works part-time. One parent goes in earlier so they get home in time for afterschool and activities while the other goes in later and deals w/ more of the morning routine. Everyone can do 1 activity a season not multiple. Some people may have to do the same activity. Everyone eats dinner but not necessarily at the same time. Etc etc

You have to figure out what you’re willing/capable of sacrificing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t have it all OP. That was a lie.

Basically this. And in many ways key choices have to be made before you even have kids or when they’re really young, before you even know what life with ES age kids will look like.

I purposely chose a lower pressure/more flexible job after I got married/before kids because I didn’t see how two of us could work really demanding jobs and make it all work. It has permanently reduced my salary and career advancement options. When I am at work meetings or gatherings for professional organizations I tend to feel inadequate and less accomplished compared to others in the room. But most of the time in day to day life I see how beneficial my choice was for my family. I am leaving work now so I can be home for the bus and get one of my kids to a sports practice that starts at 5. I will hop back on the computer around 9 pm and do a couple more hours of work as I do many nights.

I think the choice that I made was generally the right one for me, but others could vary understandably choose differently. I’m sure some part of me will always wonder what I could’ve accomplished in my career if we had the family support to allow both parents to put in long hours away from home. I think it’s perfectly OK to limit the number of activities kids do if their parents’ work schedule does not allow for it.

Glad that works for you but some people do ‘have it all’ For example, the dual physician, kids, afternoon nanny families referred to above.

Having a nanny take my child to their activities is not “having it all” - not even close.

Because you miss out on the dropping them off to the activity and picking them up when it’s done?

Some of the best conversations with my kids happen in the car on the way to/from activities. No one is distracted by things going on at home or screens. And I agree that staying at the activities at least sometimes helps you get to know other parents in the community which is good for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Grandparents help drive once a week. Dh works from home and is done by 4:30. Kids do local schools and take the bus. Max 2 activities per kid per week. Usually 1. And its not the activity but the practice that eats our time. Music lesson is 30 min a week. But we need to practice for 20 min daily or it's a useless lesson and waste of money. So we need to find that time in a day for my kid and parent to concentrate and practice. On top of HW and other things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t have it all OP. That was a lie.

Basically this. And in many ways key choices have to be made before you even have kids or when they’re really young, before you even know what life with ES age kids will look like.

I purposely chose a lower pressure/more flexible job after I got married/before kids because I didn’t see how two of us could work really demanding jobs and make it all work. It has permanently reduced my salary and career advancement options. When I am at work meetings or gatherings for professional organizations I tend to feel inadequate and less accomplished compared to others in the room. But most of the time in day to day life I see how beneficial my choice was for my family. I am leaving work now so I can be home for the bus and get one of my kids to a sports practice that starts at 5. I will hop back on the computer around 9 pm and do a couple more hours of work as I do many nights.

I think the choice that I made was generally the right one for me, but others could vary understandably choose differently. I’m sure some part of me will always wonder what I could’ve accomplished in my career if we had the family support to allow both parents to put in long hours away from home. I think it’s perfectly OK to limit the number of activities kids do if their parents’ work schedule does not allow for it.

Glad that works for you but some people do ‘have it all’ For example, the dual physician, kids, afternoon nanny families referred to above.

Having a nanny take my child to their activities is not “having it all” - not even close.

Because you miss out on the dropping them off to the activity and picking them up when it’s done?

Some of the best conversations with my kids happen in the car on the way to/from activities. No one is distracted by things going on at home or screens. And I agree that staying at the activities at least sometimes helps you get to know other parents in the community which is good for the kids.

Agreed. I love talking with my kid in the car. She share all sorts of things in the 20 min drive to an activity and back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t have it all OP. That was a lie.

Basically this. And in many ways key choices have to be made before you even have kids or when they’re really young, before you even know what life with ES age kids will look like.

I purposely chose a lower pressure/more flexible job after I got married/before kids because I didn’t see how two of us could work really demanding jobs and make it all work. It has permanently reduced my salary and career advancement options. When I am at work meetings or gatherings for professional organizations I tend to feel inadequate and less accomplished compared to others in the room. But most of the time in day to day life I see how beneficial my choice was for my family. I am leaving work now so I can be home for the bus and get one of my kids to a sports practice that starts at 5. I will hop back on the computer around 9 pm and do a couple more hours of work as I do many nights.

I think the choice that I made was generally the right one for me, but others could vary understandably choose differently. I’m sure some part of me will always wonder what I could’ve accomplished in my career if we had the family support to allow both parents to put in long hours away from home. I think it’s perfectly OK to limit the number of activities kids do if their parents’ work schedule does not allow for it.

Glad that works for you but some people do ‘have it all’ For example, the dual physician, kids, afternoon nanny families referred to above.

Having a nanny take my child to their activities is not “having it all” - not even close.

Because you miss out on the dropping them off to the activity and picking them up when it’s done?

Some of the best conversations with my kids happen in the car on the way to/from activities. No one is distracted by things going on at home or screens. And I agree that staying at the activities at least sometimes helps you get to know other parents in the community which is good for the kids.

Agreed. I love talking with my kid in the car. She share all sorts of things in the 20 min drive to an activity and back.

+2. It was important to me to be mostly present for my kids in the afterschool hours (3-6ish), and I made choices in my career to ensure that I would be. I love those hours -- convos with my kids and their friends in the car or afterschool, getting to know their friends a bit if we do afterschool playdates, feeling more connected to their activities (sometimes sitting in, watching from sideline), getting to know coaches, chats with fellow parents at various events or pick ups, homework-help sessions, a low level of stress in our home overall...

That being said, "have it all" is truly just the worst phrase that needs to be retired. Do you think men sit around fretting over whether they "have it all". Find the balance that feels right for you and your family...that should be the goal.

[Anonymous]

Whew. I spent an hour this morning collecting all the upcoming appointments, sports games, music lessons, etc and wrote them into a pocket sized appointment book. I can’t believe it took an hour, to be honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t have it all OP. That was a lie.

Basically this. And in many ways key choices have to be made before you even have kids or when they’re really young, before you even know what life with ES age kids will look like.

I purposely chose a lower pressure/more flexible job after I got married/before kids because I didn’t see how two of us could work really demanding jobs and make it all work. It has permanently reduced my salary and career advancement options. When I am at work meetings or gatherings for professional organizations I tend to feel inadequate and less accomplished compared to others in the room. But most of the time in day to day life I see how beneficial my choice was for my family. I am leaving work now so I can be home for the bus and get one of my kids to a sports practice that starts at 5. I will hop back on the computer around 9 pm and do a couple more hours of work as I do many nights.

I think the choice that I made was generally the right one for me, but others could vary understandably choose differently. I’m sure some part of me will always wonder what I could’ve accomplished in my career if we had the family support to allow both parents to put in long hours away from home. I think it’s perfectly OK to limit the number of activities kids do if their parents’ work schedule does not allow for it.

Glad that works for you but some people do ‘have it all’ For example, the dual physician, kids, afternoon nanny families referred to above.

It’s not “having it all” to have a nanny schlep your kids around.