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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You can’t have it all OP. That was a lie.[/quote]

Basically this. And in many ways key choices have to be made before you even have kids or when they’re really young, before you even know what life with ES age kids will look like.

I purposely chose a lower pressure/more flexible job after I got married/before kids because I didn’t see how two of us could work really demanding jobs and make it all work. It has permanently reduced my salary and career advancement options. When I am at work meetings or gatherings for professional organizations I tend to feel inadequate and less accomplished compared to others in the room. But most of the time in day to day life I see how beneficial my choice was for my family. I am leaving work now so I can be home for the bus and get one of my kids to a sports practice that starts at 5. I will hop back on the computer around 9 pm and do a couple more hours of work as I do many nights.

I think the choice that I made was generally the right one for me, but others could vary understandably choose differently. I’m sure some part of me will always wonder what I could’ve accomplished in my career if we had the family support to allow both parents to put in long hours away from home. I think it’s perfectly OK to limit the number of activities kids do if their parents’ work schedule does not allow for it.[/quote]

Glad that works for you but some people do ‘have it all’ For example, the dual physician, kids, afternoon nanny families referred to above. [/quote]

Having a nanny take my child to their activities is not “having it all” - not even close. [/quote]

Because you miss out on the dropping them off to the activity and picking them up when it’s done?[/quote]

Some of the best conversations with my kids happen in the car on the way to/from activities. No one is distracted by  things going on at home or screens. And I agree that staying at the activities at least sometimes helps you get to know other parents in the community which is good for the kids. [/quote]

Agreed. I love talking with my kid in the car. She share all sorts of things in the 20 min drive to an activity and back. [/quote]

+2.  It was important to me to be mostly present for my kids in the afterschool hours (3-6ish), and I made choices in my career to ensure that I would be.  I love those hours -- convos with my kids and their friends in the car or afterschool, getting to know their friends a bit if we do afterschool playdates, feeling more connected to their activities (sometimes sitting in, watching from sideline), getting to know coaches, chats with fellow parents at various events or pick ups, homework-help sessions, a low level of stress in our home overall...

That being said, "have it all" is truly just the worst phrase that needs to be retired.  Do you think men sit around fretting over whether they "have it all".  Find the balance that feels right for you and your family...that should be the goal.[/quote]

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