Kid turns 7 in 2 months. What is normal level of “exuberance”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a similar issue with our 6 yr old. Definitely the nonstop talking, that's probably the thing that wears me down the most. But also some of the social issues like just announcing stuff to strangers or wanting to show them an ouchie or tell them what's going on in their life, or interrupting phone calls to announce her presence.

We do suspect ADHD but haven't been through diagnosis yet because it hasn't been an issue at school yet and my understanding is that they generally don't medicate at this age unless it's very severe, so either way we're just talking about working with her on impulse control, social skills, and other behavioral skills. I have an appointment with our ped in a couple weeks to discuss next steps-- if diagnosing now might get her OT that could help, we'll pursue that.

I do think the comments on this thread about how it's a reflection of parenting are off base. My kid is an only who gets tons of 1:1 time with both parents, has both structure and limits, tons of physical activity, etc. This is just who she is. Parenting is that obviously important but it doesn't produce this kind of hyperactivity or lack of social awareness. Some kids are just like this.

True, but parenting — a certain style, with lots of structure — helps a lot with kids with ADHD and similar issues. It is a lot more work than the hands off parenting some people can get away with when they have NT kids. The Russell Barkley books are a good place to start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a similar issue with our 6 yr old. Definitely the nonstop talking, that's probably the thing that wears me down the most. But also some of the social issues like just announcing stuff to strangers or wanting to show them an ouchie or tell them what's going on in their life, or interrupting phone calls to announce her presence.

We do suspect ADHD but haven't been through diagnosis yet because it hasn't been an issue at school yet and my understanding is that they generally don't medicate at this age unless it's very severe, so either way we're just talking about working with her on impulse control, social skills, and other behavioral skills. I have an appointment with our ped in a couple weeks to discuss next steps-- if diagnosing now might get her OT that could help, we'll pursue that.

I do think the comments on this thread about how it's a reflection of parenting are off base. My kid is an only who gets tons of 1:1 time with both parents, has both structure and limits, tons of physical activity, etc. This is just who she is. Parenting is that obviously important but it doesn't produce this kind of hyperactivity or lack of social awareness. Some kids are just like this.

True, but parenting — a certain style, with lots of structure — helps a lot with kids with ADHD and similar issues. It is a lot more work than the hands off parenting some people can get away with when they have NT kids. The Russell Barkley books are a good place to start.

PP here and I appreciate the book suggestions.

Agree ADHD kids need a different kind of parenting, and it's always important to meet kids where they are at. But you don't MAKE a kid ADHD by being a hands off parent. It just won't work as well for that kid and you'll deal with more negative issues. I was responding specifically to the people who seem to think of you parent a kid a specific way, they won't develop behaviors like the constant talking or oversharing with strangers. OP's kid doesn't do those things because OP and her partner are introverts, or because they've neglected him. That's just how he is and they have to meet him where he's at.

The irony is that if I had a kid who wasn't like this, people would accuse me of being a helicopter parent for parenting as I do. A lot of people mistakenly believe there is ONE correct way to parent and that it will result in good outcomes for all kids and work for all families. It's just a very unproductive attitude when someone has a kid with challenges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a similar issue with our 6 yr old. Definitely the nonstop talking, that's probably the thing that wears me down the most. But also some of the social issues like just announcing stuff to strangers or wanting to show them an ouchie or tell them what's going on in their life, or interrupting phone calls to announce her presence.

We do suspect ADHD but haven't been through diagnosis yet because it hasn't been an issue at school yet and my understanding is that they generally don't medicate at this age unless it's very severe, so either way we're just talking about working with her on impulse control, social skills, and other behavioral skills. I have an appointment with our ped in a couple weeks to discuss next steps-- if diagnosing now might get her OT that could help, we'll pursue that.

I do think the comments on this thread about how it's a reflection of parenting are off base. My kid is an only who gets tons of 1:1 time with both parents, has both structure and limits, tons of physical activity, etc. This is just who she is. Parenting is that obviously important but it doesn't produce this kind of hyperactivity or lack of social awareness. Some kids are just like this.

True, but parenting — a certain style, with lots of structure — helps a lot with kids with ADHD and similar issues. It is a lot more work than the hands off parenting some people can get away with when they have NT kids. The Russell Barkley books are a good place to start.

Dp. Agree. There are two posters making parenting comments, but I think the structure comments aren't saying lack of structure caused the problem. A different kind of daily structure may help and it's worth playing around with the family's routine to figure this out.

[Anonymous]

I get it, it's frustrating, and you need some measure of control, but come on, your kid is 100% awesome. He's a rock star and rock star life is rough and tumble.

Teach him to channel it a bit and he'll be a leader of the crowd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I suggest you read Dr. Becky's good inside. It won't change his behavior but it can help you react to it. A kids doesn't feel good when they are often getting annoyed looks from their parents. Would you feel good if you were being yourself and the person closest to you often rolled their eyes at you?

I would suggest the opposite. This child is suffering from a lack of consequences for poor behavior. That is why, when he knew he was annoying mom on the phone, he continued to do it DESPITE her looks. What the consequence after OP got off the phone? I'm guessing none. That's why the child is misbehaving. It's fun, and there's no deterrent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you parent? I know a kid who is like this and the parents basically gave up around age 1. He's now 8. So it's been an ongoing, essentially unchecked thing since no discipline is ever involved.

And to clarify, if their kid was climbing a tree, instead of telling the kid to get out of the tree or revoking any privileges for not listening to get out of the tree, they just stand around laughing that their kid is in the neighbors tree. That's what I mean by no parenting or disciplining.

I agree. I personally wouldn't care if my kid was climbing a tree, and the consequences of hurting themselves would be enough. But if I told the child to stop, and the child didn't listen, there would be a consequence. So many parents just act helpless. "Stop, Larlo!" Larlo doesn't stop, so they do nothing about it and then whine that their kid has ADHD.

[Anonymous]

The phone thing is bad. You told him to stop. He either doesn't have the self-control to be able to or he's openly defying you. Either way, it needs to be addressed.

[Anonymous]

I'll be blunt here since you are asking. I don't know you and your kid, who I assume is lovely, but honestly when kids can't let adult have conversations or have to interject verbally and physically much of the time, it's disruptive and annoying. We had a neighbor like this (both kids, actually, but one more than the other).

It may be hyperactivity, but it might also be that it doesn't sound like you're stopping him. Is it because you can't? Or because you feel it would crush his spirit? If the later, and you haven't cultivated this since he was really small, you might start to try by explaining that bigger kids have more responsibility to be polite and practicing as a game. you can find ways to remind him politely (hey, Larlo, when I hold your hand it means you need to occupy yourself quietly and be patient). I'd probably try to engage in behavior change myself before seeking help or making assumptions.

[Anonymous]

I also meant to add that kids should not go into other people's yards, and should be able to obey rules like "do not climb that tree" or "do not climb that tree past this branch." If he can't adjust to these norms, he will potentially face accidents or others bring cruel to him when they tell him to shut up or treat him as an irritation. So might as well try to socialize him into some more big-kid self regulation behaviors.

[Anonymous]

What a lovely kid.

[Anonymous]

If one of my kids stepped off the path to chase a dog or whatever after i specifically told them (once!) to stay on the path, we would be going home and they wouldn’t be going on walks for a good time after that.

And why are they drinking juice in the bath? How did he get that if you didn’t give it to him? Why is he drinking juice at all? Kids don’t need juice, especially not kids who are hyperactive already.

It sounds like you need to do a better job parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a similar issue with our 6 yr old. Definitely the nonstop talking, that's probably the thing that wears me down the most. But also some of the social issues like just announcing stuff to strangers or wanting to show them an ouchie or tell them what's going on in their life, or interrupting phone calls to announce her presence.

We do suspect ADHD but haven't been through diagnosis yet because it hasn't been an issue at school yet and my understanding is that they generally don't medicate at this age unless it's very severe, so either way we're just talking about working with her on impulse control, social skills, and other behavioral skills. I have an appointment with our ped in a couple weeks to discuss next steps-- if diagnosing now might get her OT that could help, we'll pursue that.

I do think the comments on this thread about how it's a reflection of parenting are off base. My kid is an only who gets tons of 1:1 time with both parents, has both structure and limits, tons of physical activity, etc. This is just who she is. Parenting is that obviously important but it doesn't produce this kind of hyperactivity or lack of social awareness. Some kids are just like this.

True, but parenting — a certain style, with lots of structure — helps a lot with kids with ADHD and similar issues. It is a lot more work than the hands off parenting some people can get away with when they have NT kids. The Russell Barkley books are a good place to start.

Dp. Agree. There are two posters making parenting comments, but I think the structure comments aren't saying lack of structure caused the problem. A different kind of daily structure may help and it's worth playing around with the family's routine to figure this out.

I also think PPs are making those suggestions because OP hasn't talked about that she does when DS acts that way. Consequences in the moment or afterward, etc.

[Anonymous]

If you are constantly on your cell phone, then your kid is craving attention.
Be honest with yourself, how often is that phone in your hand and you are talking or staring at it?
The rest of it is just your kid being awesome.

[Anonymous]

My kid was like this at 7. No ADHD, but just loud, impulsive, messy, loud, in sibling’s stuff, touching siblings, loud, loud, interrupting, and so on.

He’s a great little guy though. He’s now 9 and has settled down a lot. Still loud, but has more control of his body and decisions. Strangely, working intensively with him on reading helped. Once he could read chapter books, it’s like all this information opened up to him and he could channel his energy into reading some interesting facts and he settled down a lot. Now he’s exuberant but often wants to talk to me about something interesting he has learned about fish or something and is not literally banging into the wall or grabbing at his sibling.