Would you keep grinding or retire early?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d find a job. Your kids are old now.

I disagree--this is actually the time where attentive parenting matters. It's not as labor intensive but there's a lot of logistics and emotional support. Having a super-stressful new job could make it hard to manage well.

I would take a little time and a) focus on the kids when needed and b) figure out what else you might want to do with your life/time and what skills you need to get there.

[Anonymous]

spend time with your kids while you can

you can always go back to work but you can't go back in time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:spend time with your kids while you can

you can always go back to work but you can't go back in time

Just not to the same job, same pay, same level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I'd retire as long as 1. your spouse is ok with it 2. college funds are mostly funded at least for in state. 3. if your spouse loses their job, can they easily find another high paying job?

If you can't answer Yes to all 3, then no, don't completely retire. Maybe find short term consulting jobs to keep your foot in the door.

OP here. I want to thank everyone who provided lots of thought and advice on my situation. I'll consolidate and elaborate on some of the questions raised.

1) I've been fortunate and have had a FT WFH gig that paid around 200-250k a year depending on bonus. My husband has a high stress, management job, which is why he is overworked. Not because he has 2 jobs, but he just puts in a lot of hrs because he doesn't want to fail his team and company. He also has to travel and be away from home days at a time, at least 1-2x a month.

2) I've been telling my husband to quite for over a year to start a consulting career as I thought my job was stable enough and could just carry insurance for fam. This until the economic recent churn impacting hundreds of people at my company which leads me to my current state of unemployment.

3) My kids can make their own dinner, bike themselves to school. But as one in particular is starting high school, college apps loom, more after school activities like sports and potential volunteering coordination/driving them to/from before they have their own cars will take added time and organization than before when I could just send them to after school care. This is one of the aspects where I feel being focused on home more, at least for next 4-5 years may be of benefit.

4) NW, our paid off home is ~1.5m, rental is 1/2 paid and worth ~1m. cash/stocks ~400m and maybe 3m combined 401k type funds between me and hubs split almost evenly.

5) Cost of health care has always been a concern. We had a family friend who went into debt and bankrupt after an accident/injury. I understand that's between $20k-$30k a year if both my husband and myself retire at the same time, but it's always a hovering concern I never want to worry about. I am not counting on any SS or gov benefits other than medical benefits when I do qualify.

6) My parents lucky does have a very small pension and getting SS. So any concern is just to make sure there's a buffer in case I need to help out in any unexpected issues as they age.

7) Lastly, my husband is totally OK with me "retiring" and not stress over looking for work right now. I'm 100% confident my husband can find another job if he were to ever lose it. We've saved not all but at least half of what's needed for in state collage funds for the kids. We are very financially frugal and aligned and can minimize expenses as needed and pay all necessary expenses with likely $100k-$120k a year (including factoring in $30k for med insurance if that's the high)

So in summary, I don't mind working. I have been applying/interviewing. My recent interviews are with companies that are asking for 2-3 days in office, which is causing me additional anxiety. As when my husband travels it will toss another wrench in the family schedule on a monthly basis as mentioned above. While all the remote jobs I've applied for have been crickets. I worry about having to drive/commute into the city to work as we're about 1hr away from city center where some jobs are more available vs remote and pay more.

Then there is the eternal worry that if I don't try to secure another job while in my 40s, it will be 10x harder to get back in to the job force when I'm mid 50s, after having a gap on resume even.

Anyway, again, I appreciate all the different suggestions and ideas and I do need to spend more time checking various options. But job market is rough for everyone who is looking so best of luck to all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I'd retire as long as 1. your spouse is ok with it 2. college funds are mostly funded at least for in state. 3. if your spouse loses their job, can they easily find another high paying job?

If you can't answer Yes to all 3, then no, don't completely retire. Maybe find short term consulting jobs to keep your foot in the door.

OP here. I want to thank everyone who provided lots of thought and advice on my situation. I'll consolidate and elaborate on some of the questions raised.

1) I've been fortunate and have had a FT WFH gig that paid around 200-250k a year depending on bonus. My husband has a high stress, management job, which is why he is overworked. Not because he has 2 jobs, but he just puts in a lot of hrs because he doesn't want to fail his team and company. He also has to travel and be away from home days at a time, at least 1-2x a month.

2) I've been telling my husband to quite for over a year to start a consulting career as I thought my job was stable enough and could just carry insurance for fam. This until the economic recent churn impacting hundreds of people at my company which leads me to my current state of unemployment.

3) My kids can make their own dinner, bike themselves to school. But as one in particular is starting high school, college apps loom, more after school activities like sports and potential volunteering coordination/driving them to/from before they have their own cars will take added time and organization than before when I could just send them to after school care. This is one of the aspects where I feel being focused on home more, at least for next 4-5 years may be of benefit.

4) NW, our paid off home is ~1.5m, rental is 1/2 paid and worth ~1m. cash/stocks ~400m and maybe 3m combined 401k type funds between me and hubs split almost evenly.

5) Cost of health care has always been a concern. We had a family friend who went into debt and bankrupt after an accident/injury. I understand that's between $20k-$30k a year if both my husband and myself retire at the same time, but it's always a hovering concern I never want to worry about. I am not counting on any SS or gov benefits other than medical benefits when I do qualify.

6) My parents lucky does have a very small pension and getting SS. So any concern is just to make sure there's a buffer in case I need to help out in any unexpected issues as they age.

7) Lastly, my husband is totally OK with me "retiring" and not stress over looking for work right now. I'm 100% confident my husband can find another job if he were to ever lose it. We've saved not all but at least half of what's needed for in state collage funds for the kids. We are very financially frugal and aligned and can minimize expenses as needed and pay all necessary expenses with likely $100k-$120k a year (including factoring in $30k for med insurance if that's the high)

So in summary, I don't mind working. I have been applying/interviewing. My recent interviews are with companies that are asking for 2-3 days in office, which is causing me additional anxiety. As when my husband travels it will toss another wrench in the family schedule on a monthly basis as mentioned above. While all the remote jobs I've applied for have been crickets. I worry about having to drive/commute into the city to work as we're about 1hr away from city center where some jobs are more available vs remote and pay more.

Then there is the eternal worry that if I don't try to secure another job while in my 40s, it will be 10x harder to get back in to the job force when I'm mid 50s, after having a gap on resume even.

Anyway, again, I appreciate all the different suggestions and ideas and I do need to spend more time checking various options. But job market is rough for everyone who is looking so best of luck to all!

This is a very realistic worry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’ve got 3 kids to out through college. Are you only willing to pay for state school and only for undergrad? Are you paying all their living expenses? Fine if you are, just be sure you are completely settled with that decision so you don’t overextend your finances.

You’re only in your 40s. Look into how much elder care costs. My grandfather blew through $1M in a year after a fall, Alzheimer’s diagnosis, and the need for a full-time sitter at the nursing home. Either of you could have an accident, and illness, a parent with an accident or an illness.

I suggest you find a job that allows you to scale back, whether that means part time, lower responsibility, consulting on fixed term contracts with a break in between.

Lol, no, don’t plan your life around needing $1 million a year for elder care. That’s the type of nonsense that causes people to continue working when they should have long since retired. People like PP might as well have warned that you could lose everything in a cyber attack or to the government in a civil forfeiture, etc. At a certain point, you have to weigh the risks and benefits – and there are absolutely risks to working too long and never enjoying your life.

[Anonymous]

I would take a year or two off and then get back into the job market. Once your kids are in college you may want to have a job so no need to close off that path. What does retiring even mean - do you actually get retirement benefits from somewhere? You can't take social security for many years anyway.

[Anonymous]

You have absolutely the right considerations and well thought out pros and cons. Kudos to you and your DH on managing so well, saving a huge chunk so far and also thinking hard about the HS years.

I can just tell you what I'd do in this situation. Keep interviewing selectively and if there is a job that speaks to you with good enough salary I will take it. Your kid is entering HS, no reason to stress about college app yet. Work through the end of this school year and then reassess. You may be able to make it work.

Once you join your job, you may find it less or more stressful than what you gauged in the interview. My company asks me to come 2-3 days a week, but I have my understanding with the manager to come in much less. 3-4 days a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have absolutely the right considerations and well thought out pros and cons. Kudos to you and your DH on managing so well, saving a huge chunk so far and also thinking hard about the HS years.

I can just tell you what I'd do in this situation. Keep interviewing selectively and if there is a job that speaks to you with good enough salary I will take it. Your kid is entering HS, no reason to stress about college app yet. Work through the end of this school year and then reassess. You may be able to make it work.

Once you join your job, you may find it less or more stressful than what you gauged in the interview. My company asks me to come 2-3 days a week, but I have my understanding with the manager to come in much less. 3-4 days a month.

Thank you! I'm def planning to keep browsing for a while. Just trying to figure out how hard I go after each op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would take a year or two off and then get back into the job market. Once your kids are in college you may want to have a job so no need to close off that path. What does retiring even mean - do you actually get retirement benefits from somewhere? You can't take social security for many years anyway.

Fair point. I prob will have plenty of free time on my hands after kids are both in college. Ideally the hubs wants to quit also and we can spend next 10 years to travel, stay home to garden, help kids out with homework when needed, and basically enjoy life before we're too old to hike through Europe/Asia. His fear is that he'll be too weak/frail to do traveling and really enjoy life at the normal 65+ retirement age.

As stated before, we are not really expecting any pensions or SS to be available, other than medical coverage when we hit 65 which is why I want to plan to save enough and work as much as I can if it makes sense so we won't have to worry about expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have absolutely the right considerations and well thought out pros and cons. Kudos to you and your DH on managing so well, saving a huge chunk so far and also thinking hard about the HS years.

I can just tell you what I'd do in this situation. Keep interviewing selectively and if there is a job that speaks to you with good enough salary I will take it. Your kid is entering HS, no reason to stress about college app yet. Work through the end of this school year and then reassess. You may be able to make it work.

Once you join your job, you may find it less or more stressful than what you gauged in the interview. My company asks me to come 2-3 days a week, but I have my understanding with the manager to come in much less. 3-4 days a month.

Thank you! I'm def planning to keep browsing for a while. Just trying to figure out how hard I go after each op.

+1
My recent experience is that they are trying to weed out people who are 100% insistent on remote for future flexibility, but they are still fairly flexible. So if it's 2-3 days a week, but some weeks your dh travels, they will likely work around that. Once you're hired, they are not going to want to get rid of you so quickly if you're any good. You've got strong earning potential--I wouldn't give it up so readily. You can always quit the next job. Work from home a few days a week sounds PERFECT for teen-aged kids. They have some time to be a bit more independent, and remember that you are not perpetually at their beck and call, but you are present enough for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d find a job. Your kids are old now.

+1. It will only be more difficult to find a job as time goes on. Start looking. You don’t know what will happen with your husband’s job in the coming years. An aside, but what are you doing about kids’ college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:spend time with your kids while you can

you can always go back to work but you can't go back in time

Just not to the same job, same pay, same level.

Who cares, PP doesn’t need to make what’s she’s currently making.

You can always make more money..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would work until you can both retire. Seems kinda unfair for him to be overworked as you say while you retire.

+1. If your DH loved his work or had an easy gig, then sure you have plenty of money to retire. But since he's stressed and wants out, deciding to just . . . never try to work again while his retirement gets pushed *back* seems almost vindictive.

Take six weeks, get your head right, and meet with a recruiter or head hunter. Target WFH or part time if you're burned out but don't just pile more responsibility on your stressed out spouse because it's easier than facing some rejections.

[Anonymous]

Good grief …. Another rich person doing a humble brag. Tiny violin playing.