Taking all of your minor children on vacation together

[Anonymous]

I posted in your other thread that I don’t enjoy vacationing with my kids.

For more context, our kids attend schools with different spring break weeks, so for those we split kids so one goes with dad somewhere their week off and one goes with mom. We try to swap parents, but that is entirely dependent on the activity. One of our kids loves to camp which takes my dislike of family vacations to levels I can’t even describe. But my husband was an Eagle Scout so he’s all over that. One of our kids loves broadway shows and my husband’s idea of hell would be going to NYC for a week and seeing several shows, whereas I love that.

We also have 3 sets of long distance grandparents who all also live far from each other, so we have to make the time for that every year so there are definitely years where no one goes anywhere other to visit grandparents. Both kids also go to 4 weeks of sleep away camp, further limiting when we can travel. There’s also the issue of vacation time, my husband only has 12 days of leave a year so he almost never comes to my parents and I rarely go to his since until recently I covered every single day school was closed outside of spring break which ate up my leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We do both. My youngest is five and not ready for long travels. So currently I’m in Turkey with DS1 (12) and DD2 (8) while husband is home with our third. A few years ago I took my oldest to Russia and Armenia while the younger two stayed home.

We do do family trips but they are usually car trips.

Russia, really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do both. My youngest is five and not ready for long travels. So currently I’m in Turkey with DS1 (12) and DD2 (8) while husband is home with our third. A few years ago I took my oldest to Russia and Armenia while the younger two stayed home.

We do do family trips but they are usually car trips.

Russia, really?

NP. Why the “really”?

[Anonymous]

"Why do you care what other families do or don’t do? Do whatever you want. Don’t do what you don’t want to do. There ya go, OP. Why do you need the world to think of vacations the same way you do? People have different circumstances. My dad’s a surgeon and didn’t always get to go on every day of every vacation with us. Ooooooh, guess he didn’t prioritize family. "

What gives with posts like this? Woke up on the wrong side of the bed? Have absolutely nothing better to do with your time and energy but to spread your negativity? Nobody but you said anything about making everyone think about family time the same way. Hope your day improves!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why has OP started a second thread in 2 days on this exact same topic?

Guessing their spouse and/or teens don’t want to do whatever vacation she’s pushing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why has OP started a second thread in 2 days on this exact same topic?

Guessing their spouse and/or teens don’t want to do whatever vacation she’s pushing.

I think she's just trying to get headpats about what a loving and involved mother she is, unlike those other women who don't enjoy vacationing with their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a MIL that wants us to vacation with her and SIL every year (both are single). Our kids are the only grandkids. Everyone is well off but we have more money than the in laws.
I don’t mind an occasional vacation with them but they expect it every year and we end up footing 85% of the costs. It’s gotten to be too much and I don’t want to take every European vacation with my in laws. MIL was offended when I told her I wanted time alone with my husband and kids. I know the trips mean a lot to her but it’s not our responsibility to have to provide them. We have lots of quality time together. We don’t do the same trips with my parents and I told her I was uncomfortable with the perception my parents had of us taking all of these fancy trips with her and not them.

Vacations with parents or in-laws are lovely it don’t expect it every year and realize the dynamics are more complicated than you think.

Stay Strong!!!

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids and have taken as many “individualized” trips with them as full family. But very frankly it’s because we have the resources to go on several trips a year. Otherwise I wouldn’t jet off to Paris with only my daughter and Montana with only my older son etc.

[Anonymous]

Different people are different. Sure, big trips together are the ideal, but life is not always ideal, and it's not about "not prioritizing family" or whatever you are implying. I think the last big family trip when I was growing up was around age 14, my siblings just were not interested in traveling with the family as teenagers. One of them was also autistic and traveling with them was really really hard. We didn't have the money for mountain climbing in Nepal, but I definitely went on multiple mountain hiking and camping trips in various state and national parks with just my dad because nobody else wanted to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL! I'm OP. Yes, I posted yesterday. But a bunch of people didn't read my post carefully enough and thought I was talking about multi-family vacations, or that I was talking about adult children. I clarified this in the follow up comments but it seems people don't read those any more than they read the OP before responding. I was hoping to get responses to my question this time. It's funny, but in this thread somebody already disregarded the fact that I specifically stated MINOR children in the title.

I'm not trying to judge. I'm genuinely curious about whether I have a warped image of what middle class and UMC families do. I grew up on the lower end of lower middle class. My notions about how the other half lives are often based on watching too much Brady Bunch and Dirty Dancing instead of reality.

A PP noted that the activity examples I gave are very niche and aren't likely to be things that an entire family would want to do together, and I agree. My question is really whether most families with kids under 18 and still living at home would prioritize an all-family trip together over travel for just one family member and/or subgroups of the family. Obviously, if you have enough time and money you can do it all. But what do you do when you don't have tons of time and money?

Why do you care what others do, if you’re not judging? I don’t get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Why do you care what other families do or don’t do? Do whatever you want. Don’t do what you don’t want to do. There ya go, OP. Why do you need the world to think of vacations the same way you do? People have different circumstances. My dad’s a surgeon and didn’t always get to go on every day of every vacation with us. Ooooooh, guess he didn’t prioritize family. "

What gives with posts like this? Woke up on the wrong side of the bed? Have absolutely nothing better to do with your time and energy but to spread your negativity? Nobody but you said anything about making everyone think about family time the same way. Hope your day improves!

Explain how it’s not negative for OP to be acting like everyone has to do the same thing and have the same expectations, or it’s weird. Hope your day gets better to the point where you can calmly accept that the way the world works is, “Different strokes for different folks.” Another phrase for you to ruminate on as you calm down: “People Are Different From You.”

[Anonymous]

We only have one kid but I would find it very odd to travel often with one child and not another. I could see doing special trips one on one occasionally with each kid, so they could each experience traveling alone with a parent and getting their full attention. But you'd have to be thoughtful about not being biased about this, which I think can happen a lot in multi-kid families. I grew up with several siblings and my parents did more solo travel with the older kids, because I think they viewed it as a break for themselves (mom goes on a trip just with the eldest daughter while dad holds down the fort with the younger kids, or vice versa). But what this meant is that I was always left behind, and those trips didn't happen when I was older. And of course I noticed that, though I don't think my parents realized it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We only have one kid but I would find it very odd to travel often with one child and not another. I could see doing special trips one on one occasionally with each kid, so they could each experience traveling alone with a parent and getting their full attention. But you'd have to be thoughtful about not being biased about this, which I think can happen a lot in multi-kid families. I grew up with several siblings and my parents did more solo travel with the older kids, because I think they viewed it as a break for themselves (mom goes on a trip just with the eldest daughter while dad holds down the fort with the younger kids, or vice versa). But what this meant is that I was always left behind, and those trips didn't happen when I was older. And of course I noticed that, though I don't think my parents realized it.

You and OP should hang out, congratulating yourself on knowing your situation is applicable to everyone else's and other people need your advice.

(I'm sorry your parents didn't take you on trips when you asked.)

[Anonymous]

I don’t. It’s too expensive and it’s not fun. It is just me doing the same endless tasks in a new place without the setup that makes it easier.

A great day trip is just right for me and is actually a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We do both. My youngest is five and not ready for long travels. So currently I’m in Turkey with DS1 (12) and DD2 (8) while husband is home with our third. A few years ago I took my oldest to Russia and Armenia while the younger two stayed home.

We do do family trips but they are usually car trips.

Wow that sucks for your youngest child. I bet in your family of origin you are the oldest