Not allowed in tween’s room

[Anonymous]

When I was a tween I didn’t have a door knob and then didn’t have a door because I kept locking my parents out. (Without the doorknob I was able to use the dresser next to the door to hold it shut.) I still remember sitting in my room hearing the sound of the drill taking the door off!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His room, he is entitled to privacy

Of course. Knock before you open the door.

[Anonymous]

A child doesn't get to tell me (an adult) what I'm allowed to do in my own home. I'd have laughed in his face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a tween boy. I’m happy to knock if the door is closed and I announce myself if it’s not. That’s as good as it’s going to get at our house. A tween/teen doesn’t get to tell me what I’m “not allowed to do.”

Same, and I have 2 teens and a tween.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not a negotiation. He can keep you out of his room when he moves out of your house and pays his own rent/mortgage. Why are you putting up with this from a child?

Great way to alienate them when they’re 20. Are you going to check their phones at that age, too?

At 20 they better be living on a college campus or I'll be wondering where it all went wrong. It will probably date back to the time an 11 year old told me I didn't have permission to enter his room and I complied with such an outrageous demand.

Kids come home for breaks in college. Well, not your kid.

If my kid wanted to have no contact at 20, that's ok. If they choose not to come on on breaks, that's ok. However, at 20, they need to figure out how to pay for their own housing, phone, health care, food, and college costs.

[Anonymous]

Op are you white?

[Anonymous]

Adam Lanza’s mom wasn’t “allowed” to go in his room either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op are you white?

Relevance?

[Anonymous]

UM NO. Are you even a parent? Why are you running to DCUM because you can’t handle a tween bossing you around in your own house. Grow a damn spine. FFS.

[Anonymous]

I would tell him that I own the house and paid for it. He does not own anything in his life that he has not paid for with money he has earned.

And to preserve his sense of self, you should knock when he's in his room, and wait a bit before entering. But if he's out, of course you should go in and make sure it's clean and safe!

[Anonymous]

Alarm goes off at 7. If you aren’t out by 7:10 on a weekday your door is getting opened. I’ve got a 12 year old girl. Cleaning people are coming in while you aren’t there every other week, you will strip your bed prior to their arrival. If you want me to continue washing your clothes you will put them in the hamper and I will enter to get them when I want. I will knock first if the door is closed. You will not be in there with electronics, which at this point is only the school issued laptop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not a negotiation. He can keep you out of his room when he moves out of your house and pays his own rent/mortgage. Why are you putting up with this from a child?

Great way to alienate them when they’re 20. Are you going to check their phones at that age, too?

Oh, grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a tween boy. I’m happy to knock if the door is closed and I announce myself if it’s not. That’s as good as it’s going to get at our house. A tween/teen doesn’t get to tell me what I’m “not allowed to do.”

That would be correct.

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His room, he is entitled to privacy

Nope. Her house. He is “entitled” to her knocking before entering if he’s in there and nothing else.

[Anonymous]

While my first instinct would also be to laugh at this and remind him of who pays the bills, that might not be the most constructive way to address it.

If he’s 12— at a time when both of you are calm you can sit down and discuss. His brain is not yet done developing. There are times he’s going to do dumb things because he physiologically can’t help it. Part of your job as a parent is watching out for him and that includes access to his space (including electronics). That said, you want to give him whatever privacy and autonomy he’s shown he can handle. If he does X, you can agree to y. (Knocking, etc.)

He doesn’t have to be happy about it. And you can certainly remind him that he is not the owner of the space, and that total autonomy is a thing you get when you’re an adult and paying your own way.