Not allowed in tween’s room

[Anonymous]

Suddenly tween son thinks I’m not allowed in his room and have to ask permission to enter even when he’s not there. I don’t recall ever doing this to my mom and this seems not okay to me. I’m fine with knowing if he’s inside and w not going through his stuff, but not entering?

I told him if he wants that then he has to do the things associated w having a space & for which people currently enter: making bed, changing sheets, keeping clean, folding and putting away clean laundry, packing & unpacking suitcases, etc.

[Anonymous]

This is not a negotiation. He can keep you out of his room when he moves out of your house and pays his own rent/mortgage. Why are you putting up with this from a child?

[Anonymous]

I'd just laugh at him and walk right on in. Why are you bothering to explain yourself to him? He can't withhold access to you in your own home unless he starts paying the bills.

[Anonymous]

Umm no.

[Anonymous]

Ummm, hell to the no. You’re the owner of the house. He doesn’t get to dictate when you’re entering. And stop with linking it to a made bed. That’s irrelevant. You get to go in because it’s your house. It doesn’t matter whether his room is neat as a pin or a pig sty.

All that said, he does get to have privacy. You should knock and then enter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not a negotiation. He can keep you out of his room when he moves out of your house and pays his own rent/mortgage. Why are you putting up with this from a child?

Great way to alienate them when they’re 20. Are you going to check their phones at that age, too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Suddenly tween son thinks I’m not allowed in his room and have to ask permission to enter even when he’s not there. I don’t recall ever doing this to my mom and this seems not okay to me. I’m fine with knowing if he’s inside and w not going through his stuff, but not entering?

I told him if he wants that then he has to do the things associated w having a space & for which people currently enter: making bed, changing sheets, keeping clean, folding and putting away clean laundry, packing & unpacking suitcases, etc.

You think you’re being clever with this, but you’re not. There are no conditions that he can meet that would keep you out. Tell him you’ve thought it over and are amending your statement:
“This is my home. I can enter whenever I feel it’s appropriate.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not a negotiation. He can keep you out of his room when he moves out of your house and pays his own rent/mortgage. Why are you putting up with this from a child?

Great way to alienate them when they’re 20. Are you going to check their phones at that age, too?

Lol, ok. Have fun raising kids who tell you what to do. No one’s kids are “alienated” because they weren’t allowed to call the shots at 11.

[Anonymous]

Tell him when he pays $500 in rent a month he can have his privacy but otherwise, no, he is a child in YOUR home.

[Anonymous]

I respect the closed door when he’s in there but when he’s out? No freaking way. It’s my house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not a negotiation. He can keep you out of his room when he moves out of your house and pays his own rent/mortgage. Why are you putting up with this from a child?

Great way to alienate them when they’re 20. Are you going to check their phones at that age, too?

Seems like caving to the petty demands of pre-teen is a pretty good way to ensure you'll still having kids living off you when they are in their 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not a negotiation. He can keep you out of his room when he moves out of your house and pays his own rent/mortgage. Why are you putting up with this from a child?

Great way to alienate them when they’re 20. Are you going to check their phones at that age, too?

At 20 they better be living on a college campus or I'll be wondering where it all went wrong. It will probably date back to the time an 11 year old told me I didn't have permission to enter his room and I complied with such an outrageous demand.

[Anonymous]

I have a tween boy. I’m happy to knock if the door is closed and I announce myself if it’s not. That’s as good as it’s going to get at our house. A tween/teen doesn’t get to tell me what I’m “not allowed to do.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a tween boy. I’m happy to knock if the door is closed and I announce myself if it’s not. That’s as good as it’s going to get at our house. A tween/teen doesn’t get to tell me what I’m “not allowed to do.”

That would be correct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a tween boy. I’m happy to knock if the door is closed and I announce myself if it’s not. That’s as good as it’s going to get at our house. A tween/teen doesn’t get to tell me what I’m “not allowed to do.”

That would be correct.

Same.