Is it normal to have no idea about family money?

[Anonymous]

Madoff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have "tens of millions" but live in a modest 3 bedroom home. Our kids share a room, and we don't drive flashy SUVs or anything. That's just not the lifestyle we want, and not how we want to raise our kids. Our kids have no idea.

Do you have in a charitable trust, or are you planning to have a random heir waste it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 25 and I never talk about money with my parents, they live very modest lives and I have no idea what their net worth is, but growing up I knew for a fact my mom came from a wealthy family (both her parents are dead now). I don’t know how much but I think it was in the 10’s of millions in the 80’s. Someone in my family mentioned a generation skipping trust but I only heard that once and never was mentioned again. I feel awkward asking them and don’t want to come across as entitled but am naturally curious, was the money lost, or is it sitting somewhere? I’m making good money for my age and already own a home with no help from family so it’s not that concerning but just very curious. My parents have never had issues with paying bills but they live very modestly living in a tiny condo and don’t seem to spend much. I had 40k in student loans when graduating college as well (paid off on my own). Part of me thinks the money was lost due to mismanagement.

Yes it's normal. Nobody wants to be gold dug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have "tens of millions" but live in a modest 3 bedroom home. Our kids share a room, and we don't drive flashy SUVs or anything. That's just not the lifestyle we want, and not how we want to raise our kids. Our kids have no idea.

Do you have in a charitable trust, or are you planning to have a random heir waste it?

The only way this is realistic would be if they lived in NYC and the "modest 3 bedroom home" is a three bedroom apartment on Park Avenue.

The creep of affluence is very real because people want to make themselves comfortable. No one is worth tens or hundreds of millions and living in a modest bungalow and doing nothing but living a very simple life to make a point or to fee more "moral." Much more typical is a family with the appearance of having several million in net worth but in reality closer to 10M, but they still live a solidly upper middle class life and in Bethesda or NW DC, not a split in Silver Spring or Rockville.

There is certainly a point where the utility from spending more starts to decline but at that level we're still talking about a $1M waterfront property versus a $10M waterfront property or driving a Subaru Outback instead of a Porsche. Not driving a beater Ford sedan and living in a modest condo.

OP misunderstood her parents or her parents embellished a story or the whole thing is made up. Real life isn't a Nicholas Sparks novel.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Did not know anything.

Lived in Levittown NJ, then Bowie Md and then Frederick as Dad moved around for jobs. Mom and Dad got mortgages for their moderate houses.

We attended public schools and state colleges.

Mom did not get her big money until she was in her mid 60's and her Dad passed away. She is now a 1%er.

[Anonymous]

Someone said parents with money don’t let their kids have student loans. I don’t know about that. Some parents want their kids to have skin in the game. $40k isn’t a huge amount and OP already paid it off by age 25.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you know for a fact that your mom came from a family worth millions? Was it a family business?

Yes family business. Their house sold for low 7 figs in the 90’s and the Zestimate is in the 8 figures now for that house (they don’t own it anymore obviously… but I’m guessing they had at least 10 million in 90’s dollars, maybe wasn’t that much in the 80’s)

Does your mom have siblings? Who took over the business?

My mom’s older brother. So maybe everything went to him, I’m not too close with them so
I have no idea how well off they are. They live in a fairly typical UMC house.

I think the money was not as significant as you remember. Not sure how old you were when you were told, but likely it was exaggerated.

The profit on the house probably became your parents retirement fund. The business and associated money went to your uncle since he took it over.

[Anonymous]

I know nothing of my parents finances. I assume they have enough to live on but I also assume there are no secret millions, and I have zero expectation of any inheritance. We don't talk about money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t know about it, consider it gone.

$10 million sounds like a lot of money but it’s easy to lose or spend most of it in a lifetime, even if you’re not wildly irresponsible. Spending more than you earn or long term care for an elderly person and poof.

If there’s a trust that will be relevant to you, you would probably know about it.

When family money changes someone’s young adult life, it’s either inheritance from a grandparent or gifts from a living parent. It’s not so much the prospect of inheritance.

Outside of gambling and speculation, spend >$100K year more than you earn is quit challenging to do secretly.

* Be unemployed
* Somehow avoid earning >$300K/yr in interest
* Have an outrageously expensive yet invisible home

You could maybe pull it off with a bad non-fatal disease and no health insurance.

Oh no, it’s so easy! Live in a nicer house. Live in a nicer neighborhood. Buy a dumb car. Lose some on bad investments. Take up an expensive hobby for a while. It’s sooooo easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents lived a very modest lifestyle and we were always told that there was no family money. It turns out, there was no family money.

LOL!

[Anonymous]

I know a couple of families that live modestly despite owning successful businesses. One is a MIT graduate with a well known business. He and his wife just aren’t interested. The type of guy with a bad haircut and couldn’t tell you where his clothes come from. Small house with furniture that nobody is going to replace no matter how outdated. They love camping and RV travel.

This is an extreme case but they are out there. Everyone takes comfort in different ways.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have "tens of millions" but live in a modest 3 bedroom home. Our kids share a room, and we don't drive flashy SUVs or anything. That's just not the lifestyle we want, and not how we want to raise our kids. Our kids have no idea.

Do you have in a charitable trust, or are you planning to have a random heir waste it?

The only way this is realistic would be if they lived in NYC and the "modest 3 bedroom home" is a three bedroom apartment on Park Avenue.

The creep of affluence is very real because people want to make themselves comfortable. No one is worth tens or hundreds of millions and living in a modest bungalow and doing nothing but living a very simple life to make a point or to fee more "moral." Much more typical is a family with the appearance of having several million in net worth but in reality closer to 10M, but they still live a solidly upper middle class life and in Bethesda or NW DC, not a split in Silver Spring or Rockville.

There is certainly a point where the utility from spending more starts to decline but at that level we're still talking about a $1M waterfront property versus a $10M waterfront property or driving a Subaru Outback instead of a Porsche. Not driving a beater Ford sedan and living in a modest condo.

OP misunderstood her parents or her parents embellished a story or the whole thing is made up. Real life isn't a Nicholas Sparks novel.

[Anonymous]

I don't know much about my family's money. I know my parents have somewhere north of $8 to $10 million, but no idea how much; I know they inherited several million more from my grandparents, but no idea how much; I am aware that I am a beneficiary of some kind of generation-skipping trust that I'll inherit when my father dies, but again, no idea how much.

I'm fortunate enough to be able to save for retirement and my kids' college on my own, so anything I inherit one day will just be extra.

I don't think this is particularly unusual, and I'd much rather my parents live for decades more than have the money now. I'm fine with the whole arrangement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have "tens of millions" but live in a modest 3 bedroom home. Our kids share a room, and we don't drive flashy SUVs or anything. That's just not the lifestyle we want, and not how we want to raise our kids. Our kids have no idea.

Do you have in a charitable trust, or are you planning to have a random heir waste it?

Really don't get why the are not using some of it now. What's the point of having the money if you don't use some of it. There is a huge difference between living in a modest 3 bedroom home with siblings sharing bedrooms and having a mansion. They could upgrade to a modest X bedroom home (where X equals the number of kids) with a guest room/office and perhaps at least 2.5 to 3 bathrooms. They can still keep the kids grounded without going crazy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone said parents with money don’t let their kids have student loans. I don’t know about that. Some parents want their kids to have skin in the game. $40k isn’t a huge amount and OP already paid it off by age 25.

You don't have to make your kids take student loans to "have skin in the game". You can make them have a 30-40hr/week job during the summers and work part time on xmas break for spending money. As long as they are getting good grades and working towards a degree, it seems silly if you have money to start your kid off with student loans/$40K in debt. For the majority of kids, they are extremely grateful to not have students loans and are not entitled brats. As long as our kids continue doing well in school and being decent humans without being overly entitled, they will get their college without loans. I guess I do not fully understand the "must have skin in the game" other than working a summer job rather than just sitting at home doing nothing or being out blowing mommy & daddy's money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone said parents with money don’t let their kids have student loans. I don’t know about that. Some parents want their kids to have skin in the game. $40k isn’t a huge amount and OP already paid it off by age 25.

You don't have to make your kids take student loans to "have skin in the game". You can make them have a 30-40hr/week job during the summers and work part time on xmas break for spending money. As long as they are getting good grades and working towards a degree, it seems silly if you have money to start your kid off with student loans/$40K in debt. For the majority of kids, they are extremely grateful to not have students loans and are not entitled brats. As long as our kids continue doing well in school and being decent humans without being overly entitled, they will get their college without loans. I guess I do not fully understand the "must have skin in the game" other than working a summer job rather than just sitting at home doing nothing or being out blowing mommy & daddy's money.

Agree. My two college kids are very grateful to be going to school with no loans. They’re good people, work hard at jobs during summer/break, volunteer, buy very little.