How common is it for high schooler to have a tutor?

[Anonymous]

In our non-DMV private it is SO common. We didn't realize it for many years, but we eventually figured out that we were basically the only chumps not tutoring our child in something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks, everyone, for the responses. This has been very enlightening. I'm a bit embarrassed to admit it but I feel like I've been living under a rock. We do have the means to get DS a tutor but just never occurred to us to get one because we didn't think he "needed" one. This is not to say things have always been smooth sailing but we have been fortunate that DS has always been good about self monitoring and hunkering down on his own when he needs to. As another poster mentioned, if a student is in advanced classes, it was assumed it's because they can handle it. I realize now that's a very old school way of thinking so absolutely no judgment placed on those parents who are doing all they can to give their kids an advantage. I also appreciated the comment about tutors getting deeper into the content and helping better prepare them for college.

This reminds of the time when I first discovered how many of DS' teammates on his travel team were getting private coaching on the side. Lol! Again, we were a little late to the party. Yes, we are fortunate to have the means to give our DC the advantages they need to help them be successful but neither DH nor I grew up wealthy, so we didn't have access to these types of opportunities so I guess we are somewhat ignorant to how common this is and how the game is played. Plus no one seems to openly talk about it IRL. Thank goodness for DCUM!

You are us, we are you. We felt so dumb when we realized this (same with the sports). Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, this is something that should get much more attention than it does, given that the "best schools" have the most students who use outside tutors extensively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this is something that should get much more attention than it does, given that the "best schools" have the most students who use outside tutors extensively.

That tells me the schools are missing something. I think a major issue for HS kids is the lack of a Study Skills class in middle school. That was such an important class for preparing them for their future. A lot of really smart kids don't actually know how to study when they come up against something that they can't figure out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you'll find parents don't sit around comparing their kids. They do talk about classes, teachers and workload. In all those scenarios, the subject of a tutor could come up.

Exactly this. In all my conversations with other parents I think it's come up once where a friend shared her DC was struggling coming out of COVID and they got them a tutor. Otherwise, like you said, we don't sit around comparing our kids.

[Anonymous]

My kids didn't have tutors for classes or test prep - if they were not particularly interested in or strong in a particular subject, they just took a regular version of the class instead of honors or AP. My son with ADHD was not going to take on extra afterschool work so that he could keep up in AP Lang or Lit. He was still prepared for college. He's graduating next week and starting grad school in the fall.

[Anonymous]

No wonder we end up with bench warmers in colleges and at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks, everyone, for the responses. This has been very enlightening. I'm a bit embarrassed to admit it but I feel like I've been living under a rock. We do have the means to get DS a tutor but just never occurred to us to get one because we didn't think he "needed" one. This is not to say things have always been smooth sailing but we have been fortunate that DS has always been good about self monitoring and hunkering down on his own when he needs to. As another poster mentioned, if a student is in advanced classes, it was assumed it's because they can handle it. I realize now that's a very old school way of thinking so absolutely no judgment placed on those parents who are doing all they can to give their kids an advantage. I also appreciated the comment about tutors getting deeper into the content and helping better prepare them for college.

This reminds of the time when I first discovered how many of DS' teammates on his travel team were getting private coaching on the side. Lol! Again, we were a little late to the party. Yes, we are fortunate to have the means to give our DC the advantages they need to help them be successful but neither DH nor I grew up wealthy, so we didn't have access to these types of opportunities so I guess we are somewhat ignorant to how common this is and how the game is played. Plus no one seems to openly talk about it IRL. Thank goodness for DCUM!

You are us, we are you. We felt so dumb when we realized this (same with the sports). Sigh.

I'm glad there's someone else who can relate. My original question did come from a place of ignorance. Absolutely no value judgement placed on anyone. I was genuinely curious because I wondered if we were somehow missing out or not doing enough for our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In our non-DMV private it is SO common. We didn't realize it for many years, but we eventually figured out that we were basically the only chumps not tutoring our child in something.

We are in DMV and we know an AP family that tutors for every single course. Which tells me that the kid/s probably do not belong in AP. The parents see it as "well we don't want to dumb our kids down to (the other kids) level", but honestly, if you need to be tutored regularly in every =subject - then it does seem the kid/s is/are in the wrong classes.

That, and you can't have a tutor at work, when the time comes.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In our non-DMV private it is SO common. We didn't realize it for many years, but we eventually figured out that we were basically the only chumps not tutoring our child in something.

We are in DMV and we know an AP family that tutors for every single course. Which tells me that the kid/s probably do not belong in AP. The parents see it as "well we don't want to dumb our kids down to (the other kids) level", but honestly, if you need to be tutored regularly in every =subject - then it does seem the kid/s is/are in the wrong classes.

That, and you can't have a tutor at work, when the time comes.....

Jeez! It looks like the judgers are here. There are a couple of classes in the HS my kid attends that have a lot of smart kids with tutors for that 1 subject. If a kid is excelling in all other subjects and that same category of subject other years, you do think there might be a reason that parents get tutors? It's not b/c their kids don't belong in that class. *sigh*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In our non-DMV private it is SO common. We didn't realize it for many years, but we eventually figured out that we were basically the only chumps not tutoring our child in something.

We are in DMV and we know an AP family that tutors for every single course. Which tells me that the kid/s probably do not belong in AP. The parents see it as "well we don't want to dumb our kids down to (the other kids) level", but honestly, if you need to be tutored regularly in every =subject - then it does seem the kid/s is/are in the wrong classes.

That, and you can't have a tutor at work, when the time comes.....

Hey, OP - The above poster is why some people don't talk about it. If your kid doesn't need one, great! If the time comes when they do, it's great that you have the resources.

[Anonymous]

Not uncommon. I wouldn’t be surprised if half of the college bound kids at well respected schools around here have one at one time or another. We’ve used one for advanced math several times - that seems to be a weak link for both teaching quality and curriculum in MCPS, in our experience. There didn’t seem to be any point in dropping to a lower level class because that would have meant more struggling kids and not better teaching. So we just supplemented with the tutoring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks, everyone, for the responses. This has been very enlightening. I'm a bit embarrassed to admit it but I feel like I've been living under a rock. We do have the means to get DS a tutor but just never occurred to us to get one because we didn't think he "needed" one. This is not to say things have always been smooth sailing but we have been fortunate that DS has always been good about self monitoring and hunkering down on his own when he needs to. As another poster mentioned, if a student is in advanced classes, it was assumed it's because they can handle it. I realize now that's a very old school way of thinking so absolutely no judgment placed on those parents who are doing all they can to give their kids an advantage. I also appreciated the comment about tutors getting deeper into the content and helping better prepare them for college.

This reminds of the time when I first discovered how many of DS' teammates on his travel team were getting private coaching on the side. Lol! Again, we were a little late to the party. Yes, we are fortunate to have the means to give our DC the advantages they need to help them be successful but neither DH nor I grew up wealthy, so we didn't have access to these types of opportunities so I guess we are somewhat ignorant to how common this is and how the game is played. Plus no one seems to openly talk about it IRL. Thank goodness for DCUM!

You are us, we are you. We felt so dumb when we realized this (same with the sports). Sigh.

Not OP but I am also surprised by this thread. I have a junior and eighth grader in MCPS and neither of them have had or needed a tutor. They are in honors and AP classes and get great grades. Not bragging but just to say I’m not being clueless, it just never occurred to me to find a tutor since they haven’t had a hard time in classes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In our non-DMV private it is SO common. We didn't realize it for many years, but we eventually figured out that we were basically the only chumps not tutoring our child in something.

We are in DMV and we know an AP family that tutors for every single course. Which tells me that the kid/s probably do not belong in AP. The parents see it as "well we don't want to dumb our kids down to (the other kids) level", but honestly, if you need to be tutored regularly in every =subject - then it does seem the kid/s is/are in the wrong classes.

That, and you can't have a tutor at work, when the time comes.....

No. Kids who really don't belong in a particular advanced class would NOT be able to hack it with a tutor.

The tutors are there to ensure the kids have straight As and 5s on the AP exam, so that they have the highest GPA possible to facilitate college admissions. I did this with my son who wanted a certain major. During the pandemic, I hired tutors for all of the APs that mattered for that major. DS was strong in those classes to begin with, but I wanted to leave nothing to chance. I also hired an ACT tutor.

You sound incredibly jealous that this family can do this and the kids are in advanced classes, but this is a case of perfectionism with an eye to college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In our non-DMV private it is SO common. We didn't realize it for many years, but we eventually figured out that we were basically the only chumps not tutoring our child in something.

We are in DMV and we know an AP family that tutors for every single course. Which tells me that the kid/s probably do not belong in AP. The parents see it as "well we don't want to dumb our kids down to (the other kids) level", but honestly, if you need to be tutored regularly in every =subject - then it does seem the kid/s is/are in the wrong classes.

That, and you can't have a tutor at work, when the time comes.....

No. Kids who really don't belong in a particular advanced class would NOT be able to hack it with a tutor.

The tutors are there to ensure the kids have straight As and 5s on the AP exam, so that they have the highest GPA possible to facilitate college admissions. I did this with my son who wanted a certain major. During the pandemic, I hired tutors for all of the APs that mattered for that major. DS was strong in those classes to begin with, but I wanted to leave nothing to chance. I also hired an ACT tutor.

You sound incredibly jealous that this family can do this and the kids are in advanced classes, but this is a case of perfectionism with an eye to college.

No, I just subscribe to the thought that kids should be doing their own work, and using their own brain.

But UVA or bust, I suppose.