Rethinking the classwide birthday party

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:If invites have become a burden (BTW are people REALLY getting invited to a bday party every Saturday?)-why can't you just politely decline?


From March 30 through May 4 (6 weekends), we already have 9 birthday parties on the schedule. So, yes it does happen! And I at least don't find it so easy to decline an invitation that my child already knows about unless there is an obvious reason, such as a conflict.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:From March 30 through May 4 (6 weekends), we already have 9 birthday parties on the schedule. So, yes it does happen! And I at least don't find it so easy to decline an invitation that my child already knows about unless there is an obvious reason, such as a conflict.


Why don't you just tell your child that s/he wasn't invited, rather than being upset at the parent who invited your child to their party.
Anonymous
I am not the PP that resents the class-wide parties. But I do decline many and have opted not to have one for my DD's 5th birthday. I think it may be burnout. If you have two kids in a daycare setting you can be talking 30+ parties per year. It's too much for two working parents that want to have family time on the weekends when they're not running errands. That said, I have no problem politely declining (and taking the heat from my daughter) and am happy to receive the invitations. Some weekends they fit into our plans and others they don't. I also however feel no obligation to reciprocate, which I think is a pretty obsurd notion.
Anonymous
1. My child already knows that she has been invited.
2. Why would I lie to her?
Anonymous
You don't need to lie to her. You need to set boudaries for your family. If there's no obvious conflict, create one. "We've designated that as family day so we won't be able to attend that party. Maybe next time." Or I've invited our friends the XXXX for dinner that night so we can't do both. Yes, it's challenging. But it is only going to get worse as the the kids get older and there are more and more activities. Sounds like this is a good opportunity to establish control over the calendar.
Anonymous
I have no problem with your approach. I was responding to the PP who suggested that I tell her she had not been invited.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote: If you have two kids in a daycare setting you can be talking 30+ parties per year.


I have 2 kids in daycare (ages 3 and 4) and we haven't had any invitations to birthday parties this year. And yes, my children are social, happy, well adjusted, etc.. Where is this birthday party land that some people live in?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I also however feel no obligation to reciprocate, which I think is a pretty obsurd notion.


Absurd in general? Or just when dealing with parties where everyone has been invited?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
I also however feel no obligation to reciprocate, which I think is a pretty obsurd notion.


Absurd in general? Or just when dealing with parties where everyone has been invited?

Absurd in the context of children's birthday parties. Where does it end? My children sometimes move rooms mid-year in daycare. Am I obligated to invites kids in both classes (the old and the current) if she was invited to their party in the last year? Previous year?. Must our paties grow every year as we make new friends such that we're invited every child that has ever issued us an invitation? What about the little boy down the block that invited my daughter to his party 9 months ago but with whom she now does not enjoy playing with (because he behaves horribly by the way). Furthermore, why should someone elses desire for a big party dictate that I have to have one? Can my family not implement our own version of birthday bliss?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
I also however feel no obligation to reciprocate, which I think is a pretty obsurd notion.


Absurd in general? Or just when dealing with parties where everyone has been invited?

Absurd in the context of children's birthday parties. Where does it end? My children sometimes move rooms mid-year in daycare. Am I obligated to invites kids in both classes (the old and the current) if she was invited to their party in the last year? Previous year?. Must our paties grow every year as we make new friends such that we're invited every child that has ever issued us an invitation? What about the little boy down the block that invited my daughter to his party 9 months ago but with whom she now does not enjoy playing with (because he behaves horribly by the way). Furthermore, why should someone elses desire for a big party dictate that I have to have one? Can my family not implement our own version of birthday bliss?


Wow, so snotty. How can something as innocent as children's birthday parties spark such ire among people. Are parents really that burned out??? I guess this is just emblematic of the breakdown of community in our society. Sad.
Anonymous
There are a lot of angry people out there in DCUM land. Don't take your kids to a party if you are too busy. Don't lie to your kid, just tell him/her you can't go. Invite the whole class to your own kid's party because when in doubt, it is always better to take the more warm-spirited, generous, easy-going. all-embracing route. Or don't, who is going to really care. (And if someone does care, so what?) In the scheme of things, counting invitations, being annoyed at "having" to invite kids, being annoyed about having to go to parties, generally keeping track and keeping tabs on all this stuff- it all seems so petty and mean spirited and actually just kind of sad.
Anonymous
It has occurred to me that one's perspective on whether the b-day party circuit is a drag or a pleasure is closely tied to two factors: how many children you have, and whether both parents work full time.

I have just one, and DD and I look forward to parties a lot. But I could totally see how they'd become a burden to a parent with three kids under 6 yrs. Or to parents with multiple kids who absolutely need Saturday afternoon to go to Home Depot, bc it's closed when they get home from work.
Anonymous
I always heard it was a good rule of thumb to only invite the same number of kids as the birthday -- so a 3yr old gets to have 3 friends, a 4yr old 4 friends, etc.

I feel worse that I'd like to take over that number with MY friends' kids, so I can get someone to play with as well.

Anonymous
I have 3 under 4, and we love bday parties - free activity the kid is sure to enjoy! The only problem is when sibs are not permitted and ther are just two parents . . .
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
I also however feel no obligation to reciprocate, which I think is a pretty obsurd notion.


Absurd in general? Or just when dealing with parties where everyone has been invited?

Absurd in the context of children's birthday parties. Where does it end? My children sometimes move rooms mid-year in daycare. Am I obligated to invites kids in both classes (the old and the current) if she was invited to their party in the last year? Previous year?. Must our paties grow every year as we make new friends such that we're invited every child that has ever issued us an invitation? What about the little boy down the block that invited my daughter to his party 9 months ago but with whom she now does not enjoy playing with (because he behaves horribly by the way). Furthermore, why should someone elses desire for a big party dictate that I have to have one? Can my family not implement our own version of birthday bliss?


Wow, so snotty. How can something as innocent as children's birthday parties spark such ire among people. Are parents really that burned out??? I guess this is just emblematic of the breakdown of community in our society. Sad.


I did not mean to sound snotty. I was asked what was absurd about having to reciprocate every birthday party invitation. I just pointed out that the suggestion that one must always reciprocate a birtday party invitation leads to some absurd results. I am not a burned out parent. But I will not accept that the bigger is alwasy better mentality that is pervasive in this area will dicatate how my child's birthday is celebrated. I will choose to decline invitations when it is the best choice for my family. I will throw a small party at my home if I choose to. I have no problem with big parties. I only take issue with the notion that it is not acceptable for some of us to choose to do smaller "old school" parties. If you think all invitations must be reciprocated, you're saying I can't choose to have a small party at my home. I find that absurd. Everyone should be able to make their own choices without violating some reciprocity rule.
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