If your AC chose to elope …. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Forget the party afterwards. Big gift grab.

I can bet you it costs more to throw the party. You cannot recoup the cost through the gifts.

[Anonymous]

I’d be sad not so much to to miss the ceremony, but that any of my kids thought their wedding would be better without me there. I’d get over it, but I’d feel sad about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Forget the party afterwards. Big gift grab.

I can bet you it costs more to throw the party. You cannot recoup the cost through the gifts.

It doesn’t cost more for the couple if the parents pay for the party but they receive the gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d be sad not so much to to miss the ceremony, but that any of my kids thought their wedding would be better without me there. I’d get over it, but I’d feel sad about that.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you can elope, but your father and I will be attending. Give me a time and a place.

I agree with you. I would be really sad if I didn't get to be at the wedding (even a courthouse ceremony is fine!!!). All the people I know that eloped were either on a 2nd+ marriage and nobody really cared, or have a lot of issues.

If this happened to you and you told your kid that it made you sad, realize that is manipulation to get your way. It's fine to have your feelings but don't voice them. This is about them. I'm aware this is a hypothetical situation for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Main problem with eloping is that it misses the ritual of public commitment in front of your community, which can make it a less serious commitment.

Ofc if you don't have a community, then eloping acknowledges that reality as you start your married life.

It's sad that most people don't realize that is what weddings represent. It isn't a party or a competition and the people who attend the wedding should support and honor the marriage.

Doesn't matter though that I feel that way. The couple should do what they want.

[Anonymous]

I would prefer my kids elope. No need to waste tons of money on a big wedding and then we can give then more money towards a down-payment on their first home. All I want is to be there when it happens!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd really like to be there. I don't care about anything else about the wedding but I'd be sad to not be there. I wouldn't get fried crispy about it though.

ditto

[Anonymous]

I’d be thrilled! We did it. The only person who was pissed was SIL who envisioned herself as the wedding planner and queen in charge because I mentioned that I really wasn’t into weddings. She threw up a registry for me even though we needed nothing, changed my last name even though she knew I was keeping my mine and wanted to throw a huge event with DHs extended family. DH is an introvert and had tears of joy in his eyes when I suggested we elope before she gets too far down the road.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We eloped, and I've strongly encouraged my kids whenever the topic of marriage came up to elope--should they decide to get married.

Weddings are just about the most trite, scripted, boring events.

Not the Indian ones.

If any of my kids marry someone Indian, I hope they'll show respect for their new spouse's family's culture.

But as much as I would like to be at their wedding, if they decide to elope without me and my husband present, that's their choice. I do hope they'll let me babysit, bring meals, etc. if they ever have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in laws fought over how many guests from each side would be at BIL’s wedding. It got so bad that they just eloped. Knowing this we also eloped. It’s sad they still are so proud that they didn’t get “cheated” by that wedding when in reality it means they’ve missed out on both their sons’ weddings. And they will probably never have DIL goodwill. Penny wise and pound foolish. Try to use money to control your kids and it will backfire. They are wealthy, but usually alone.

We eloped for similar reasons. My ILs were so controlling and demanding about wedding plans that we eventually said “eff it” and eloped. It was a prelude of things to come as they were incredibly difficult when the kids were small as well. Married almost 20yrs now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually love the idea that they would do it bc they believe it is a highly personal and private commitment they would be making between themselves. They would throw a party afterwards down the road to celebrate with friends and family.

I was with you until this part. Inviting people to your fake wedding is lame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did, my MIL was crispy fried about it, and the whole relationship is different than it would have been as a result.

We have no regrets about eloping.

Thank you for that expression - "crispy fried". I plan to work it into certain conversations on the regular!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually love the idea that they would do it bc they believe it is a highly personal and private commitment they would be making between themselves. They would throw a party afterwards down the road to celebrate with friends and family.

I was with you until this part. Inviting people to your fake wedding is lame.

A: stop using "lame" -- it's ableist
B: it's entirely possible to have a party to celebrate a marriage without doing it as a fake wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually love the idea that they would do it bc they believe it is a highly personal and private commitment they would be making between themselves. They would throw a party afterwards down the road to celebrate with friends and family.

I was with you until this part. Inviting people to your fake wedding is lame.

A: stop using "lame" -- it's ableist
B: it's entirely possible to have a party to celebrate a marriage without doing it as a fake wedding

+1

Some people can't bring themselves to happily and genuinely celebrate other people. Stay home.