There is still time between now and Mother’s Day to:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you forgetting how much conflict comes from different generations of mothers within the same family having opposing wishes for how to spend the day? What is your practical advice for a husband whose mom wants to spend the whole day visiting with all of her children and grandchildren and have dinner at home, while his wife wants to sleep in, have an outing with her kids, and then go out to dinner?

Simple: since Mother’s Day is a made-up holiday anyway, celebrate your wife on the actual day of, and take your kids to see your mom either the day before or the weekend before. And if your mom grumbles, oh well. Adults can deal with the occasional disappointment, and your strongest duty is to the mother of your children, who is still in the thick of active, daily parenting.

Are there holidays that aren't made-up??

Did I say otherwise??

It was implied.

Hmm, no. It’s funny that, because you can’t dispute the over-arching point, you’re trying to find some ground here in the weeds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you forgetting how much conflict comes from different generations of mothers within the same family having opposing wishes for how to spend the day? What is your practical advice for a husband whose mom wants to spend the whole day visiting with all of her children and grandchildren and have dinner at home, while his wife wants to sleep in, have an outing with her kids, and then go out to dinner?

The mother who is currently actively mothering gets priority.

X10000
It’s not granny day!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NO. OP this post is demanding and obnoxious! "There’s still time. No excuses, no whining." GET OUT OF HERE!

Furthermore it's offensive to assume all of this. Not all of us have a mother, a live mother, a mothers worth celebrating.

You mad?

[Anonymous]

No one should have to tell their husbands what to do. They need to be stepping it up (my husband included). Many are just selfish and lazy. Just a few months ago my husband planned nothing at all for my bday and asked me to stop home on the way fro work to pick up a cake. Needless to say that went over like a lead balloon.

I’m not a Mother’s Day whiner, but telling them how the day will go defeats the purpose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No op your post it nuts. Mother's begging for mother's day gifts this is just so pathetic and thirsty.

OP here. When did I say all mothers had to “beg”? (The plural of mothers, by the way is “mothers,” and not “mother’s”—that’s the possessive.)

What I am saying is that, time and again, DCUM turns into a major whinefest every year right before and right after Mother’s Day. So, instead of whining, use your words and talk to your spouse and to your kids about what you want and what you do not want, if it is important to you.

I appreciate your attempt, but this will happen again this year and every year. Maybe you should avoid DCUM around Mothers Day if it bothers you.

What an asinine comment. if OP's post can help one clueless DH get his stuff together for the day, it was worth it. Maybe YOU should ignore posts that bother you, hmm?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No op your post it nuts. Mother's begging for mother's day gifts this is just so pathetic and thirsty.

OP here. When did I say all mothers had to “beg”? (The plural of mothers, by the way is “mothers,” and not “mother’s”—that’s the possessive.)

What I am saying is that, time and again, DCUM turns into a major whinefest every year right before and right after Mother’s Day. So, instead of whining, use your words and talk to your spouse and to your kids about what you want and what you do not want, if it is important to you.

I appreciate your attempt, but this will happen again this year and every year. Maybe you should avoid DCUM around Mothers Day if it bothers you.

What an asinine comment. if OP's post can help one clueless DH get his stuff together for the day, it was worth it. Maybe YOU should ignore posts that bother you, hmm?

But it’s not directed at the men. It’s preemptive scolding for moms. Why not say hey DH you could be planning a nice Mother’s Day right now! Ask your wife what she wants to do! -signed a mom who doesn’t care about Mother’s Day at all and but can handle other people feeling differently

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one should have to tell their husbands what to do. They need to be stepping it up (my husband included). Many are just selfish and lazy. Just a few months ago my husband planned nothing at all for my bday and asked me to stop home on the way fro work to pick up a cake. Needless to say that went over like a lead balloon.

I’m not a Mother’s Day whiner, but telling them how the day will go defeats the purpose.

While you were bitter on your birthday, I was enjoying exactly what I wanted: a quiet morning, an afternoon at the spa, Chinese for dinner and a yellow cake with chocolate frosting that he made with the kids (from a box but with homemade icing) for dessert. The kids had a fun day baking while I was at the spa. It was perfect.

DH would have acknowledged my birthday in a less specific fashion, but really appreciated knowing what I wanted. Funny how communication works that way! He didn’t need specifics to remember my birthday or to make a gesture, but with my input he felt confident, I got what I wanted, win-win.

But hey, I’ll enjoy my delicious meal and you can eat that lead balloon. At least you didn’t have to “tell him what to do,” eh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No op your post it nuts. Mother's begging for mother's day gifts this is just so pathetic and thirsty.

OP here. When did I say all mothers had to “beg”? (The plural of mothers, by the way is “mothers,” and not “mother’s”—that’s the possessive.)

What I am saying is that, time and again, DCUM turns into a major whinefest every year right before and right after Mother’s Day. So, instead of whining, use your words and talk to your spouse and to your kids about what you want and what you do not want, if it is important to you.

I appreciate your attempt, but this will happen again this year and every year. Maybe you should avoid DCUM around Mothers Day if it bothers you.

What an asinine comment. if OP's post can help one clueless DH get his stuff together for the day, it was worth it. Maybe YOU should ignore posts that bother you, hmm?

But it’s not directed at the men. It’s preemptive scolding for moms. Why not say hey DH you could be planning a nice Mother’s Day right now! Ask your wife what she wants to do! -signed a mom who doesn’t care about Mother’s Day at all and but can handle other people feeling differently

Because there are like 5 men on DCUM, silly. I love how you’re telling me to do what you’re saying you shouldn’t have to do—tell men what to do for Mother’s Day! LOLOLOL

[Anonymous]

Great thread OP. Do you think you'll head off any

"It's mother's day and I'm sad" threads?

We should count from last year and compare the data!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No op your post it nuts. Mother's begging for mother's day gifts this is just so pathetic and thirsty.

OP here. When did I say all mothers had to “beg”? (The plural of mothers, by the way is “mothers,” and not “mother’s”—that’s the possessive.)

What I am saying is that, time and again, DCUM turns into a major whinefest every year right before and right after Mother’s Day. So, instead of whining, use your words and talk to your spouse and to your kids about what you want and what you do not want, if it is important to you.

I appreciate your attempt, but this will happen again this year and every year. Maybe you should avoid DCUM around Mothers Day if it bothers you.

What an asinine comment. if OP's post can help one clueless DH get his stuff together for the day, it was worth it. Maybe YOU should ignore posts that bother you, hmm?

But it’s not directed at the men. It’s preemptive scolding for moms. Why not say hey DH you could be planning a nice Mother’s Day right now! Ask your wife what she wants to do! -signed a mom who doesn’t care about Mother’s Day at all and but can handle other people feeling differently

Because there are like 5 men on DCUM, silly. I love how you’re telling me to do what you’re saying you shouldn’t have to do—tell men what to do for Mother’s Day! LOLOLOL

No I think your tone is incredibly off putting. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with communicating your wants at all (my husband knows I don’t want him to buy me jewelry, I don’t wear it and I feel bad) but framing this as “it’s your fault if you don’t have the day you are hoping for” is just rude and smug.

[Anonymous]

My DH knows the drill: I don't need flowers or gifts; all I want is homemade cards from the kids (they are little) and to be 100% off duty for all meals for the entire day. He can cook, make reservations, or get takeout, but he knows on this one day a year I will not charge of planning, executing, or cleaning up after any meals.

It took us awhile to get here, but now he knows he can't *shocked pikachu face* when he can't get a brunch reservation the day before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No op your post it nuts. Mother's begging for mother's day gifts this is just so pathetic and thirsty.

OP here. When did I say all mothers had to “beg”? (The plural of mothers, by the way is “mothers,” and not “mother’s”—that’s the possessive.)

What I am saying is that, time and again, DCUM turns into a major whinefest every year right before and right after Mother’s Day. So, instead of whining, use your words and talk to your spouse and to your kids about what you want and what you do not want, if it is important to you.

I appreciate your attempt, but this will happen again this year and every year. Maybe you should avoid DCUM around Mothers Day if it bothers you.

What an asinine comment. if OP's post can help one clueless DH get his stuff together for the day, it was worth it. Maybe YOU should ignore posts that bother you, hmm?

But it’s not directed at the men. It’s preemptive scolding for moms. Why not say hey DH you could be planning a nice Mother’s Day right now! Ask your wife what she wants to do! -signed a mom who doesn’t care about Mother’s Day at all and but can handle other people feeling differently

Because there are like 5 men on DCUM, silly. I love how you’re telling me to do what you’re saying you shouldn’t have to do—tell men what to do for Mother’s Day! LOLOLOL

No I think your tone is incredibly off putting. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with communicating your wants at all (my husband knows I don’t want him to buy me jewelry, I don’t wear it and I feel bad) but framing this as “it’s your fault if you don’t have the day you are hoping for” is just rude and smug.

Year #1 of disappointment? No, that’s not on you. That’s not who any of this is about. Year #2, 3, 4, and you’ve never once sat down and made a plan with DH? Yeah. You’re setting him up to fail every time by expecting him to be a mind reader. If you want someone to know that something is important to you, you communicate. And guess what, not everyone even cares about Mother’s Day, so there’s no “of course he should know.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Great thread OP. Do you think you'll head off any

"It's mother's day and I'm sad" threads?

We should count from last year and compare the data!

Please do and report back. I will be astonished if this thread has any impact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you forgetting how much conflict comes from different generations of mothers within the same family having opposing wishes for how to spend the day? What is your practical advice for a husband whose mom wants to spend the whole day visiting with all of her children and grandchildren and have dinner at home, while his wife wants to sleep in, have an outing with her kids, and then go out to dinner?

The mother who is currently actively mothering gets priority.

In your opinion — but the fact is that there will be numerous posts from women whose husbands did something thoughtful for their own mothers, but nothing for the mother of their children.

NP. Yes, that’s why this post makes the point that there is still time to sit down with your spouse and have a conversation about how you want the day to go.

Yes, because no one ever posts here that they told their husband exactly what they wanted and he didn’t do it.

My point is simply that there will be complaints. You can’t solve this problem by telling people what to do 3 weeks in advance and saying “no excuses, no whining.”

90% percent of the whining is for stuff that was 100% preventable with some planning and communication. Especially the total woe-is-me types who expect people to read their minds and are like “even some take-out would have been nice.” Like hand him a menu and a phone.

You’re missing the whole point. The moms who say “even some take-out would have been nice,” aren’t saying that they wanted someone to make the phone call to place a takeout order for them; they’re saying that while they didn’t need their families to do anything elaborate or time consuming to make them feel loved and appreciated, they’re disappointed that their spouses did literally nothing out of the ordinary, made no effort, took no initiative, showed no interest in celebrating them. That’s still true if you make your husband make a phone call so you don’t have to make dinner.

If you take the initiative one year and open your mouth and use your words, maybe the next year and subsequent years will be different. You will at least have voiced your desires, and that is important. It’s important both for you to say and for your spouse and kids to hear. If you ask for it one year and have a good day and say how nice it was, I pretty much guarantee the next year at least one spouse or kids will remember and will think let’s do that again.

What chutzpah! What naïveté.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you forgetting how much conflict comes from different generations of mothers within the same family having opposing wishes for how to spend the day? What is your practical advice for a husband whose mom wants to spend the whole day visiting with all of her children and grandchildren and have dinner at home, while his wife wants to sleep in, have an outing with her kids, and then go out to dinner?

The mother who is currently actively mothering gets priority.

In your opinion — but the fact is that there will be numerous posts from women whose husbands did something thoughtful for their own mothers, but nothing for the mother of their children.

NP. Yes, that’s why this post makes the point that there is still time to sit down with your spouse and have a conversation about how you want the day to go.

Yes, because no one ever posts here that they told their husband exactly what they wanted and he didn’t do it.

My point is simply that there will be complaints. You can’t solve this problem by telling people what to do 3 weeks in advance and saying “no excuses, no whining.”

90% percent of the whining is for stuff that was 100% preventable with some planning and communication. Especially the total woe-is-me types who expect people to read their minds and are like “even some take-out would have been nice.” Like hand him a menu and a phone.

You’re missing the whole point. The moms who say “even some take-out would have been nice,” aren’t saying that they wanted someone to make the phone call to place a takeout order for them; they’re saying that while they didn’t need their families to do anything elaborate or time consuming to make them feel loved and appreciated, they’re disappointed that their spouses did literally nothing out of the ordinary, made no effort, took no initiative, showed no interest in celebrating them. That’s still true if you make your husband make a phone call so you don’t have to make dinner.

If you take the initiative one year and open your mouth and use your words, maybe the next year and subsequent years will be different. You will at least have voiced your desires, and that is important. It’s important both for you to say and for your spouse and kids to hear. If you ask for it one year and have a good day and say how nice it was, I pretty much guarantee the next year at least one spouse or kids will remember and will think let’s do that again.

What chutzpah! What naïveté.

Oh, I guess other people’s lived experiences count for nothing? Because this is what I saw my mom do: she finally told my dad she wanted the day to be about her, not some communal celebration with her mom and his mom. And…that’s what happened that year and all years going forward. But hey, whatever doesn’t work for you, keep doing that.