There is still time between now and Mother’s Day to:

[Anonymous]

No op your post it nuts. Mother's begging for mother's day gifts this is just so pathetic and thirsty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No op your post it nuts. Mother's begging for mother's day gifts this is just so pathetic and thirsty.

OP here. When did I say all mothers had to “beg”? (The plural of mothers, by the way is “mothers,” and not “mother’s”—that’s the possessive.)

What I am saying is that, time and again, DCUM turns into a major whinefest every year right before and right after Mother’s Day. So, instead of whining, use your words and talk to your spouse and to your kids about what you want and what you do not want, if it is important to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you forgetting how much conflict comes from different generations of mothers within the same family having opposing wishes for how to spend the day? What is your practical advice for a husband whose mom wants to spend the whole day visiting with all of her children and grandchildren and have dinner at home, while his wife wants to sleep in, have an outing with her kids, and then go out to dinner?

The mother who is currently actively mothering gets priority.

In your opinion — but the fact is that there will be numerous posts from women whose husbands did something thoughtful for their own mothers, but nothing for the mother of their children.

NP. Yes, that’s why this post makes the point that there is still time to sit down with your spouse and have a conversation about how you want the day to go.

Yes, because no one ever posts here that they told their husband exactly what they wanted and he didn’t do it.

My point is simply that there will be complaints. You can’t solve this problem by telling people what to do 3 weeks in advance and saying “no excuses, no whining.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No op your post it nuts. Mother's begging for mother's day gifts this is just so pathetic and thirsty.

OP here. When did I say all mothers had to “beg”? (The plural of mothers, by the way is “mothers,” and not “mother’s”—that’s the possessive.)

What I am saying is that, time and again, DCUM turns into a major whinefest every year right before and right after Mother’s Day. So, instead of whining, use your words and talk to your spouse and to your kids about what you want and what you do not want, if it is important to you.

I appreciate your attempt, but this will happen again this year and every year. Maybe you should avoid DCUM around Mothers Day if it bothers you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you forgetting how much conflict comes from different generations of mothers within the same family having opposing wishes for how to spend the day? What is your practical advice for a husband whose mom wants to spend the whole day visiting with all of her children and grandchildren and have dinner at home, while his wife wants to sleep in, have an outing with her kids, and then go out to dinner?

The mother who is currently actively mothering gets priority.

In your opinion — but the fact is that there will be numerous posts from women whose husbands did something thoughtful for their own mothers, but nothing for the mother of their children.

NP. Yes, that’s why this post makes the point that there is still time to sit down with your spouse and have a conversation about how you want the day to go.

Yes, because no one ever posts here that they told their husband exactly what they wanted and he didn’t do it.

My point is simply that there will be complaints. You can’t solve this problem by telling people what to do 3 weeks in advance and saying “no excuses, no whining.”

90% percent of the whining is for stuff that was 100% preventable with some planning and communication. Especially the total woe-is-me types who expect people to read their minds and are like “even some take-out would have been nice.” Like hand him a menu and a phone.

[Anonymous]

I agree with OP

Either do something different this year or not. And if you don’t do anything different don’t expect things to be different

It’s scary to change behavior but it’s one of the best ways to make a difference

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you forgetting how much conflict comes from different generations of mothers within the same family having opposing wishes for how to spend the day? What is your practical advice for a husband whose mom wants to spend the whole day visiting with all of her children and grandchildren and have dinner at home, while his wife wants to sleep in, have an outing with her kids, and then go out to dinner?

The mother who is currently actively mothering gets priority.

In your opinion — but the fact is that there will be numerous posts from women whose husbands did something thoughtful for their own mothers, but nothing for the mother of their children.

NP. Yes, that’s why this post makes the point that there is still time to sit down with your spouse and have a conversation about how you want the day to go.

Yes, because no one ever posts here that they told their husband exactly what they wanted and he didn’t do it.

My point is simply that there will be complaints. You can’t solve this problem by telling people what to do 3 weeks in advance and saying “no excuses, no whining.”

90% percent of the whining is for stuff that was 100% preventable with some planning and communication. Especially the total woe-is-me types who expect people to read their minds and are like “even some take-out would have been nice.” Like hand him a menu and a phone.

You’re missing the whole point. The moms who say “even some take-out would have been nice,” aren’t saying that they wanted someone to make the phone call to place a takeout order for them; they’re saying that while they didn’t need their families to do anything elaborate or time consuming to make them feel loved and appreciated, they’re disappointed that their spouses did literally nothing out of the ordinary, made no effort, took no initiative, showed no interest in celebrating them. That’s still true if you make your husband make a phone call so you don’t have to make dinner.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the PSA, but people will complain no matter what.

DH and I never make plans, and neither of us expect much for our respective days, so we're never disappointed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you forgetting how much conflict comes from different generations of mothers within the same family having opposing wishes for how to spend the day? What is your practical advice for a husband whose mom wants to spend the whole day visiting with all of her children and grandchildren and have dinner at home, while his wife wants to sleep in, have an outing with her kids, and then go out to dinner?

The mother who is currently actively mothering gets priority.

In your opinion — but the fact is that there will be numerous posts from women whose husbands did something thoughtful for their own mothers, but nothing for the mother of their children.

NP. Yes, that’s why this post makes the point that there is still time to sit down with your spouse and have a conversation about how you want the day to go.

Yes, because no one ever posts here that they told their husband exactly what they wanted and he didn’t do it.

My point is simply that there will be complaints. You can’t solve this problem by telling people what to do 3 weeks in advance and saying “no excuses, no whining.”

90% percent of the whining is for stuff that was 100% preventable with some planning and communication. Especially the total woe-is-me types who expect people to read their minds and are like “even some take-out would have been nice.” Like hand him a menu and a phone.

You’re missing the whole point. The moms who say “even some take-out would have been nice,” aren’t saying that they wanted someone to make the phone call to place a takeout order for them; they’re saying that while they didn’t need their families to do anything elaborate or time consuming to make them feel loved and appreciated, they’re disappointed that their spouses did literally nothing out of the ordinary, made no effort, took no initiative, showed no interest in celebrating them. That’s still true if you make your husband make a phone call so you don’t have to make dinner.

If you take the initiative one year and open your mouth and use your words, maybe the next year and subsequent years will be different. You will at least have voiced your desires, and that is important. It’s important both for you to say and for your spouse and kids to hear. If you ask for it one year and have a good day and say how nice it was, I pretty much guarantee the next year at least one spouse or kids will remember and will think let’s do that again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) Discuss plans with your spouse/children/other family members and make the plans you want
2) Cancel or adjust plans you don’t want to go through with
3) Ask your children and/or your spouse for a specific gift or experience
4) Tell your spouse what you will not be doing, so it’s clear that you are not buying gifts or making plans for someone else
5) Plan exactly the day you want and inform people what you are doing

There’s still time. No excuses, no whining.

Aw, bless your heart!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you forgetting how much conflict comes from different generations of mothers within the same family having opposing wishes for how to spend the day? What is your practical advice for a husband whose mom wants to spend the whole day visiting with all of her children and grandchildren and have dinner at home, while his wife wants to sleep in, have an outing with her kids, and then go out to dinner?

The mother who is currently actively mothering gets priority.

In your opinion — but the fact is that there will be numerous posts from women whose husbands did something thoughtful for their own mothers, but nothing for the mother of their children.

NP. Yes, that’s why this post makes the point that there is still time to sit down with your spouse and have a conversation about how you want the day to go.

Yes, because no one ever posts here that they told their husband exactly what they wanted and he didn’t do it.

My point is simply that there will be complaints. You can’t solve this problem by telling people what to do 3 weeks in advance and saying “no excuses, no whining.”

90% percent of the whining is for stuff that was 100% preventable with some planning and communication. Especially the total woe-is-me types who expect people to read their minds and are like “even some take-out would have been nice.” Like hand him a menu and a phone.

You’re missing the whole point. The moms who say “even some take-out would have been nice,” aren’t saying that they wanted someone to make the phone call to place a takeout order for them; they’re saying that while they didn’t need their families to do anything elaborate or time consuming to make them feel loved and appreciated, they’re disappointed that their spouses did literally nothing out of the ordinary, made no effort, took no initiative, showed no interest in celebrating them. That’s still true if you make your husband make a phone call so you don’t have to make dinner.

If you take the initiative one year and open your mouth and use your words, maybe the next year and subsequent years will be different. You will at least have voiced your desires, and that is important. It’s important both for you to say and for your spouse and kids to hear. If you ask for it one year and have a good day and say how nice it was, I pretty much guarantee the next year at least one spouse or kids will remember and will think let’s do that again.

What makes you think those moms haven’t ever spoken up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you forgetting how much conflict comes from different generations of mothers within the same family having opposing wishes for how to spend the day? What is your practical advice for a husband whose mom wants to spend the whole day visiting with all of her children and grandchildren and have dinner at home, while his wife wants to sleep in, have an outing with her kids, and then go out to dinner?

The mother who is currently actively mothering gets priority.

In your opinion — but the fact is that there will be numerous posts from women whose husbands did something thoughtful for their own mothers, but nothing for the mother of their children.

NP. Yes, that’s why this post makes the point that there is still time to sit down with your spouse and have a conversation about how you want the day to go.

Yes, because no one ever posts here that they told their husband exactly what they wanted and he didn’t do it.

My point is simply that there will be complaints. You can’t solve this problem by telling people what to do 3 weeks in advance and saying “no excuses, no whining.”

90% percent of the whining is for stuff that was 100% preventable with some planning and communication. Especially the total woe-is-me types who expect people to read their minds and are like “even some take-out would have been nice.” Like hand him a menu and a phone.

You’re missing the whole point. The moms who say “even some take-out would have been nice,” aren’t saying that they wanted someone to make the phone call to place a takeout order for them; they’re saying that while they didn’t need their families to do anything elaborate or time consuming to make them feel loved and appreciated, they’re disappointed that their spouses did literally nothing out of the ordinary, made no effort, took no initiative, showed no interest in celebrating them. That’s still true if you make your husband make a phone call so you don’t have to make dinner.

If you take the initiative one year and open your mouth and use your words, maybe the next year and subsequent years will be different. You will at least have voiced your desires, and that is important. It’s important both for you to say and for your spouse and kids to hear. If you ask for it one year and have a good day and say how nice it was, I pretty much guarantee the next year at least one spouse or kids will remember and will think let’s do that again.

What makes you think those moms haven’t ever spoken up?

The fact that each and every year they post and say no one thought of them, or the day wasn’t all about MIL, but they didn’t say anything because they shouldn’t have to. That is why. Any other questions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you forgetting how much conflict comes from different generations of mothers within the same family having opposing wishes for how to spend the day? What is your practical advice for a husband whose mom wants to spend the whole day visiting with all of her children and grandchildren and have dinner at home, while his wife wants to sleep in, have an outing with her kids, and then go out to dinner?

Simple: since Mother’s Day is a made-up holiday anyway, celebrate your wife on the actual day of, and take your kids to see your mom either the day before or the weekend before. And if your mom grumbles, oh well. Adults can deal with the occasional disappointment, and your strongest duty is to the mother of your children, who is still in the thick of active, daily parenting.

Are there holidays that aren't made-up??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you forgetting how much conflict comes from different generations of mothers within the same family having opposing wishes for how to spend the day? What is your practical advice for a husband whose mom wants to spend the whole day visiting with all of her children and grandchildren and have dinner at home, while his wife wants to sleep in, have an outing with her kids, and then go out to dinner?

Simple: since Mother’s Day is a made-up holiday anyway, celebrate your wife on the actual day of, and take your kids to see your mom either the day before or the weekend before. And if your mom grumbles, oh well. Adults can deal with the occasional disappointment, and your strongest duty is to the mother of your children, who is still in the thick of active, daily parenting.

Are there holidays that aren't made-up??

Did I say otherwise??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you forgetting how much conflict comes from different generations of mothers within the same family having opposing wishes for how to spend the day? What is your practical advice for a husband whose mom wants to spend the whole day visiting with all of her children and grandchildren and have dinner at home, while his wife wants to sleep in, have an outing with her kids, and then go out to dinner?

Simple: since Mother’s Day is a made-up holiday anyway, celebrate your wife on the actual day of, and take your kids to see your mom either the day before or the weekend before. And if your mom grumbles, oh well. Adults can deal with the occasional disappointment, and your strongest duty is to the mother of your children, who is still in the thick of active, daily parenting.

Are there holidays that aren't made-up??

Did I say otherwise??

It was implied.