I have nothing in common with my DD, 17

[Anonymous]

She is 17, but somehow you sound like you are 17.

[Anonymous]

three months ago, I could have written this about my 16 yo. Often I still feel this way. But sometimes not. What I've done: 1. stop harping about school and things. She's 16 and shouldn't be studying because I tell her to. She needs to own this herself. (I'll tell you that it's really really hard when some missed assignments come through, but somehow she seems to step up and figure out how to bring her grade up). I think this has made her less wary when I open my mouth--she's not expecting me to nag or order or complain so she is more open to listening.

And we took a trip, just the two of us, to Nashville (which was a place she wanted to go). I think this shook things up-- got her away from her brothers (who suck up a lot of oxygen at home) and also stress of everyday life at home (this was during a school break so no homework stress either).

Didn't work miracles, but things are a bit better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to set expectations around meals. There’s no opt-out of family meals. She can sit there and be pissy. But she has to come to the table and be with others. It’s not always easy to enforce, but it has to be done.

-parent of a 17 year old dd

oh yes, force her to eat with you. that will improve the relationship astronomically

Oh, yes. Hold zero expectations for her as a family member. Please let her sink into her isolation and depression more. Please give her more opportunities to check out and doom scroll thru Tiktok. Yeah, that’s the ticket! 👍

Completely agree. OP, she is 17, moody and hormonal. This is a story as old as time. You are still her mother, she is a minor and a dependent in your home. There are expectations for family members, one of which is to actually show up and attempt, occasionally, to be civil to each other. Eating together as a family is so important; there are reams of studies that verify this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recommend not asking questions. I drive teens to school and learned from my spouse that just talking about a general topic invites them in. Could be lack of sleep, a silly mistake you made, something cute the dog did, etc.

If I know one teen attended a concert, I might ask what they liked best about it. I have asked if they have music requests but one teen is too shy to say.

DP and this is good advice. Thinking about it, most of the conversations I have with my teen son these days revolve around our pet. Not chores on feeding or anything, just about him in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to set expectations around meals. There’s no opt-out of family meals. She can sit there and be pissy. But she has to come to the table and be with others. It’s not always easy to enforce, but it has to be done.

-parent of a 17 year old dd

oh yes, force her to eat with you. that will improve the relationship astronomically

Who lets their teenager eat alone for every dinner? Dysfunctional. You don’t stop parenting and cave into their every want just because they’re a teenager.

DP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to set expectations around meals. There’s no opt-out of family meals. She can sit there and be pissy. But she has to come to the table and be with others. It’s not always easy to enforce, but it has to be done.

-parent of a 17 year old dd

oh yes, force her to eat with you. that will improve the relationship astronomically

+1000 sounds frickin miserable and I’m a 48 year old woman! Can’t imagine how bad it must be for a teen to be forced to sit at family meals just for the sake of it.

WTF? Who ARE you people?