How do I decide whether to try for a baby at 42/43?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother had me at 43 in the early 80s; she still says I kept her young.

I read something recently if it helps you decide - you will never regret the kids you have, but you will always regret the kids you don't have. Follow your gut, but something tells me if you are posting here then your gut says you want another.

Stupid quote.

[Anonymous]

I am newly 42 and really wishing for one more. Had a terrible 2nd trimester loss this year and now that the dust has settled really can’t decide if I have it in me to keep trying, but also don’t know at all how to say with finality “we’re done”. We had said we would stop at 42yo and DH would get a vasectomy, but then my feelings changed around the unfairness of that having missed our self imposed deadline because of the loss. No advice, just letting others who feel similar know they aren’t alone. I just actively keep taking my vitamins and supplements and DH and I are still actively avoiding at the moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a child just before 40, which was what I then considered the oldest age I would be comfortable with. But now I’m rethinking. How to you wrap your mind around all the variables? On the one side is everything practical— chromosomal risks and other health risks for baby and medical risks for me (I have c section scarring but am cleared to deliver again), then financial stuff and logistics like getting a bigger car and on and on…

But on the other side is this feeling that I should seize this precious chance, if it is even still possible.

How do people know when to move forward or move on or otherwise find peace?

You could do IVF and test for chromosomal issues. If you want another child have one. It’s that simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother had me at 43 in the early 80s; she still says I kept her young.

I read something recently if it helps you decide - you will never regret the kids you have, but you will always regret the kids you don't have. Follow your gut, but something tells me if you are posting here then your gut says you want another.

I think that's too simplistic. People don't regret the kids they have, because they grow to love those people, but there is an opportunity cost to the child and it's definitely possible some parents would have had a different and possibly better life without that child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a child just before 40, which was what I then considered the oldest age I would be comfortable with. But now I’m rethinking. How to you wrap your mind around all the variables? On the one side is everything practical— chromosomal risks and other health risks for baby and medical risks for me (I have c section scarring but am cleared to deliver again), then financial stuff and logistics like getting a bigger car and on and on…

But on the other side is this feeling that I should seize this precious chance, if it is even still possible.

How do people know when to move forward or move on or otherwise find peace?

You could do IVF and test for chromosomal issues. If you want another child have one. It’s that simple.

Will you pay the $100,000 IVF fee? It’s not that simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a child just before 40, which was what I then considered the oldest age I would be comfortable with. But now I’m rethinking. How to you wrap your mind around all the variables? On the one side is everything practical— chromosomal risks and other health risks for baby and medical risks for me (I have c section scarring but am cleared to deliver again), then financial stuff and logistics like getting a bigger car and on and on…

But on the other side is this feeling that I should seize this precious chance, if it is even still possible.

How do people know when to move forward or move on or otherwise find peace?

You could do IVF and test for chromosomal issues. If you want another child have one. It’s that simple.

Spoken like someone that didn't go through the grueling IVF process. It's horrific and at 43 most likely shed need to do multiple egg retrieval to get even one normal embryo.

[Anonymous]

It’s not fair to the kids to have parents that old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not fair to the kids to have parents that old.

+1. It’s so damned selfish to do sometimes like that to a kid on purpose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not fair to the kids to have parents that old.

+1. It’s so damned selfish to do sometimes like that to a kid on purpose.

+1

You are not old but you are too told to have babies. Don’t be selfish.