When did your kids start being friends?

[Anonymous]

2 boys 10 and 12 and they are best buddies since little, they have some of the same interest.

[Anonymous]

Oh gosh this varies so much. My brother and I fought like cats and dogs when kids and into young adulthood, and it wasn't until we were in our 20s that we became "friends". But my two nephews, thick as thieves when kids, now as adults don't have much of a relationship at all, unfortunately.

So your kids may be friends, may not be friends. A lot depends on personalities, life choices (e.g., choice of mate, I've seen a lot of sibling relationships sour over this in my own family), geographical distance... I wouldn't spend much time worrying over this, you can do what you can do and then have to just let the chips fall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2 boys 10 and 12 and they are best buddies since little, they have some of the same interest.

+1 my two boys were since they younger one could sit up and walk.

They are 15 and 17 and still very close. They are downstairs playing chess right now with funny voices and about to head out to meet mutual friends at the soccer field. Spring break

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2 boys 10 and 12 and they are best buddies since little, they have some of the same interest.

+1 my two boys were since they younger one could sit up and walk.

They are 15 and 17 and still very close. They are downstairs playing chess right now with funny voices and about to head out to meet mutual friends at the soccer field. Spring break

It's a 2.5 year spread--not sure if that made a difference as much as their basic compatibility and common interests.

[Anonymous]

My kids never liked each either growing up (boy and girl now in HS, 18 month apart in age). I never got it, my brother and I argued and sometimes fought, but we got along most of the time). M were like little wild animals with each other, kicking, biting, pushing. DH an I are pretty strict and there were always consequences, but it took YEARS to stop the physical attacks on each other. According to MIL DH and his sister were the same. He broke her arm once and she broke his nose (my kids never got to that level) She said their experienced nannies were flabbergasted by their behaviour and also took years to curve. I guess it must be genetic. My kids were always so lovely separately, with us and with their friends. But it was like being with each other morphed then into completely different aggressive people. It started to get better in middle school and now, in HS, they commiserate all the time an crack each other up with similar sarcastic dark humor. They also stick up for each other. Once in a while they may still have a physical altercation but it is very controlled pushing/pretend kicking (we have repercussion for that also). On the hopeful side DH and his sister are super close now.

[Anonymous]

My sister and I are in our 40s now. We have never been close, even as children. We did play together when needed but broadly disliked each other for the most part, ignored each other during the middle and high school years, and once we went off to college, went into quite different lives. We rarely see each other or talk to each other and once our parents passes, it's quite probable we might never see each other again. And it's nothing personal.

[Anonymous]

3 years is a lot at that age, especially with the gender difference. I would expect this to be the nadir of closeness, probably

[Anonymous]

Depends on personality, really. My kids are 2 years apart, older one is a boy, younger one is a girl. They have always been really close but particularly so during the pandemic when they were 5 and 3, 6 and 4, 7 and 5. Now they're 8 and 6 and it's harder to get them to play together as the older one is more interested in video games and sports and his friends and "older kid stuff" and not as interested in playing with his little sister. They still get along really well most of the time and I'd describe them as friends but not as close as they used to be. I really hope they'll stay close and become better friends as teens-young adults but I know those years can be tough. I am 4 years older than my brother and though we didn't really fight we also didn't really play together or hang out much and we weren't what I would describe as "friends" until we were adults. Once I was in grad school and he was in college, that's when we got to be closer and now that we are both married with our own kids we are the closest we've ever been.

[Anonymous]

My kids (F 13, M 10) normally don't spend much time socializing, but they share one sport and get along better on vacation, when they only have each other. I think by the time they reach adulthood, things could go either way, they may be close or drift apart. I'll continue offering opportunities to travel together, but can't think of many other ways of facilitating their relationship.

They can definitely get snipy/on each other's nerves, but I think that's better than indifference. What's interesting is that they know each other very well, which means they are attuned to each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s interesting how many more distant relationships are described between posters and their siblings, than between their kids. I think we’re programmed to see things though rose colored glasses when it comes to our children.

I think this is true to a certain extent. In my case, I was convinced my brother resented me because of our age gap - he was an only for so long and we were never in the same life stage. I was convinced enough that I had my kids really close together. They are less than two years apart and share many of the same interests - sports, hobbies, books, tv shows. I think that because they are in the same life stage they have an easier time connecting. Often my daughter will help my son with his math homework because she just did it a couple years ago.

They bicker and push each other’s buttons like all siblings - but they genuinely enjoy each other’s company in a way my brother and I never did.

[Anonymous]

Prince harry and William. I hope they reconcile!

[Anonymous]

Mine are 2 girls, 2.5 years apart. Now almost 13 and 15. They were great friends until around 8 and 10, then it was a lot of hate. And now friends again, starting about a year ago. From their friends, when the younger of the two hits puberty seems to be when things change again for the better. They have more in common again

[Anonymous]

Probably not uncommon for boy-girl siblings? I have two girls, also 3 years age difference, they’re very close. 12 and 15, and they borrow clothes, braid each others hair, argue, sit around and talk, goof around, show each other stuff on their phones etc.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 2.5 year apart (2 girls) and one boy who is 2.3 years younger than second dd. They have always gotten along and are friends but the pandemic really solidified their bond. Ds was 5, middle dd was 7 almost 8 and eldest was 10. The younger two became super close with all the time they had with just each other. They played - and still play - imaginary games for hours on end, mostly just talking with each other and making up stories. The eldest and middle dd have always been close and she’s a super sweet big sister to her little brother. They don’t play together as much but their personalities are more similar than with middle dd so they get along well. She’s also usually the best at reasoning with him or calming him down I think because she understands his personality the best.
I feel extremely lucky to have 3 kids who are wonderful siblings to each other and I very much hope it continues. Our eldest is now 13 and in 8th grade (others are in 5th & 3rd) and is still a total sweetheart as a young teen.