When did your kids start being friends?

[Anonymous]

3 year age difference, 1 boy (12), 1 girl (9).

They didn't get along when they were little. The younger one was DIFFICULT. She's much better now. There's a little bickering here and there but nothing major. They tolerate each other. But they don't do anything together. They seem uninterested in each other.

Is that typical at this age? Given the age and gender difference? (Yeah, yeah, some of you have kids who are besties...) But this isn't horribly uncommon, right?

[Anonymous]

DS and DD have a 5 year age gap. My older son is particularly tolerant and non-possessive, so they've never fought. They don't do many things with each other, unless it's making fun of me, or plotting to block my weekend movie choice with a joint veto, but they like each other's company, living parallel lives as a 17 and 12 year old. They do work together to clean the house or take care of pets.

I don't think it's usual for siblings to be best friends. None of the sibling groups I know go out of their way to schedule fun together, but they all get along as a family.

[Anonymous]

As the pp said, parallel lives is what happens in this house. Almost 16 and 13 year olds. For a while they ignored each other (mostly during the pandemic), but now they interact more, and it’s almos always to team against dh and me or to ask for something. They have never fought a lot but neither played together except when they were very little. They love each other and I’m told at school (they are in a k-12) they are specially nice to each other.

[Anonymous]

My kids are similarly aged and they became best friends when they were both home for Covid and didn't have a ton of playdates (a lot of our neighbors didn't even allow outside playdates initially). I have two girls though, so that might be why. I thought my older child would "outgrow" her younger sister and start thinking she was too cool, but she hasn't yet, thankfully.

[Anonymous]

My brother is three years older and we were (and are) not close. I have twins who even go to the same college and they are close but really don’t see each other much.

[Anonymous]

I have a daughter who is 2.5 years older than her brother. They fight plenty, but they are good friends. Have been since ds was about 1 year old. I hope they always will, but I know that's not a guarantee.

[Anonymous]

I’m 50 and I have a sister I’ve never been friends with that is five years younger. We get along but we have never been friends. This is no big deal. I am friend with my other sister.

[Anonymous]

My boys are 13 and 14 and are best friends. But, I don’t think that’s the norm. They are close in age, have similar interests, and similar introvert personalities and the younger one is very smart—so that all helps.

[Anonymous]

I’m (F) 5 years older than my brother. We became closer in our twenties. We love each other very much. He lives across the country near my parents and I miss him most of all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m (F) 5 years older than my brother. We became closer in our twenties. We love each other very much. He lives across the country near my parents and I miss him most of all

This is wonderful to read (though sorry you miss him).

[Anonymous]

I think 3 years age gap and indifferent genders don’t play in your favor, but of course it could change in a few years. I (female) was very close to my brother (2 years younger) when we were little and played together all the time. We started drifting apart by the time I was in late elementary school and never got close again until we were adults. He was just too little for me and our interests and personalities were different. We never fought much/at all past the elementary years.

I have 2 girls 2 years apart and they best friends at 7 and 9. They have their own friends, but when it’s just the two of them they can play/talk together the whole day. They fight/bicker occasionally, but not much.
I have a younger son (4) and so far he is not hanging out with his sisters much/at all and I am not sure it will change anytime soon. He tries to hang out with them and sometimes they play, but it’s rare. The age difference is just too much.
Girls are the adventurous types so maybe my son will find them interesting in a couple of years and will start following them. Who knows…

[Anonymous]

My kids are 11 and 13 and are very different, have different friend groups, etc. They also have parallel existence like others have mentioned. That being said when a crazy relative comes over or we’re away on vacation I see them run off together/bond LOL. I know that bond is in there and I will just get stronger as they get older.

[Anonymous]

My kids (almost 4 year gap, 3 grades apart) always got along fine and rarely fought, but their periods of shared interests ebbed and flowed. They always liked playing music together once DS got into it.

When younger DS started high school, he and DD became pretty close and remain so as young adults (21 and 25).

[Anonymous]

My kids are good friends. 2 years between oldest (girl) and middle (boy) and 4 between middle and youngest (boy). They’ve always gotten along. It probably helped that the oldest and middle are different genders so no rivalry. And the middle and youngest shared a room which seemed to make them closer. The older 2 hang out socially together at 18 and 20 and really help each other. Our youngest misses his brother terribly now that he’s in college but his big brother makes a point to FaceTime and play video games regularly and has had him visit him at college. My sister and I who were close in age didn’t have a close relationship. I tried very hard but she didn’t want to be burdened with me. We also had very different personalities and because we were only 1 year apart in school, rivalry. It’s one of the reasons I had my kids spaced out more.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on the personality.

My brother and I are 3 years apart; he is older. We stopped having a play relationship when I was early ES. Our personality clashes.

My kids, boy and girl, boy older by 3 years, played well together until the boy hit puberty. They are both teens now, and they once again, have a close relationship. They even say, "I love you to each other" and hug, but only in private, of course. She has been saying that she doesn't want him to go off to college.