Why does the silent treatment hurt so much?

[Anonymous]

I was in a 4 year relationship with a guy like this. Everyone thought he was the nicest guy and best boyfriend. But God forbid I did one little thing that he felt disrespected by - could be as little as walking ahead of him at the airport. He would immediately shut down and stop speaking for hours and days on end. Looking back, I cannot believe I put up with that abuse for so long. It was abuse, but because everyone else loved him so much, I started questioning my reality and convinced myself it wasn't a big deal. The best think I ever did in my whole entire life was get the hell out of that relationship. It was hard (because clearly he was mentally abusive and didn't make it easy), but once I got out on the other side, boy was my life happier. I'm not someone who jumps right to "get divorced", but your DH has some serious work to do on himself.

[Anonymous]

Mine did that. Half his family has autism. Not sure if he has it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you staying? Seriously question. You feel like a piece of $hit because you’re being treated like one. The silent treatment is a form of abuse. He needs to punish you because you challenged him. Being seen and acknowledged are basic human needs. He’s decided to deny you that.

Again, why haven’t you told him you’re done being treated like this. You deserve so much more, OP.

+100

Mature people don’t use the silent treatment. You are married, at worst, to an abuser. At best, he’s a child. Neither is someone I’d stay with.

Also, he may be nice to the kids now, but that’s won’t last. Once they are adults who also disagree with him, sometimes in public, he’ll abuse them too.

[Anonymous]

Check out Gottman institute for material on silent treatment and how to break it

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you're being treated this way by your husband. I can understand that it's subtle and your kids may not be fully aware of the unhealthy dynamic. I used to do this to my husband sometimes early in our marriage. Never for days at a time though. I stopped after reading an article (could be a discussion on this forum) naming it as abusive. I honestly hadn't thought of it in those terms and neither had he; it was just our dynamic. Maybe he would go to therapy with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you do something that deserves withdrawal of his attention, he withdraws his attention.

Cause and effect.

Real question is why it’s so hard for you to learn to stop doing the things that cause him to withdraw his attention.

You are impressively wrong. Or a troll.

[Anonymous]

OP, if someone is giving me the silent treatment, I would prefer it over an argument. Is that what he's doing? If he tells you ahead of time, he will be giving you some space before talking, that's different.

[Anonymous]

Because it’s emotional and psychological abuse. The goal is to hurt and manipulate.

[Anonymous]

You don’t deserve this, OP. I’m sorry you’ve had to endure it.