How are we going to help these girls

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men/boys are the issue. For many of the problems we have today between assaulting women to shootings.

No, look at the study. Most of the problems are socially related - from other girls.

The statistics of violence and assault say something different. I'm not saying girls cannot be problems, as well. But, a girl didn't hold me down by the wrist on a date telling me I "wanted it." And the stats bear that out.

Read the study. Only one part is about assault - most of the statistics are about other issues.

[Anonymous]

I wish it would get popular to sign pledges for no social media downloaded on kids phones until 17. Yes, they can still access thru internet but I’m all about making unhealthy stuff harder.

[Anonymous]

Get rid of the phones and social media.

[Anonymous]

This can't all be blamed on these girls. I have a 10 year old son, and we are getting in deep in respect and a yes (not just consent) already, even if it refers to hugs.

We are more closely monitoring HIS social media use and general messages he's getting at middle school to see what kind of messages he might be getting, and are answering all kinds of weird questions in a very honest way. I get tired of the girls getting blamed for big feelings, which as most of us women know are very real. This is the way I can support girls as they grow up too (I also have a 7 year old daughter).

Blaming social media is just a lazy way to say boys will be boys, and girls (kids) should stop being so impressionable to messages that permeate every aspect of their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This can't all be blamed on these girls. I have a 10 year old son, and we are getting in deep in respect and a yes (not just consent) already, even if it refers to hugs.

We are more closely monitoring HIS social media use and general messages he's getting at middle school to see what kind of messages he might be getting, and are answering all kinds of weird questions in a very honest way. I get tired of the girls getting blamed for big feelings, which as most of us women know are very real. This is the way I can support girls as they grow up too (I also have a 7 year old daughter).

Blaming social media is just a lazy way to say boys will be boys, and girls (kids) should stop being so impressionable to messages that permeate every aspect of their lives.

Or maybe it’s lazy to only blame others instead of seeing what you yourself can do to make changes.

[Anonymous]

I think there are a lot of things going on. I was seeing crazy high rates on anxiety and OCD and depression in these kids before the pandemic. Then the pandemic didn’t help. I also wonder whether the push to have kids so scheduled is also, in its way, isolating. It seems like a lot of kids “socialize” through activities—clubs or sports. They are very busy with those. But are they developing real friendships? The kind where they can just hang out and be themselves and talk about their hopes, dreams, worries? My teen has sports practice most nights and is very ride of die with her sports team. But would any of those kids be friends if the team disbanded? I guess being busy with activities is better than just flipping through tiktok but it still doesn’t seem to me the same as the sort of friendships we had. I hear all the time that the kids just sit on their phones or chromebooks at lunch — no one talks. I drive carpool and the kids are mostly quiet on their phones unless I spark conversation by asking questions, which can sometimes get them talking amongst themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This can't all be blamed on these girls. I have a 10 year old son, and we are getting in deep in respect and a yes (not just consent) already, even if it refers to hugs.

We are more closely monitoring HIS social media use and general messages he's getting at middle school to see what kind of messages he might be getting, and are answering all kinds of weird questions in a very honest way. I get tired of the girls getting blamed for big feelings, which as most of us women know are very real. This is the way I can support girls as they grow up too (I also have a 7 year old daughter).

Blaming social media is just a lazy way to say boys will be boys, and girls (kids) should stop being so impressionable to messages that permeate every aspect of their lives.

Why is your 10 year old on social media?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not allow social media. My 13 y/o DS has a phone but not social media.

I heard online time is worse for girls than boys these days. The boys are playing video games with each other which is less damaging than social media and worrying about likes etc.

Social media is horrible. I hate it.

I've spoken to my DD about it at length. I told her that if I see her getting too involved with social media, I'll take her phone away.

She knows that a lot of the IG stuff she sees is fake, like airbrushed ads. She knows to not bully people on social media, and if she does, phone goes away.

Get your DDs involved in activities. They need to boost their self esteem and confidence. My DD didn't have that until 13/14, and she's much happier and confident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a lot of things going on. I was seeing crazy high rates on anxiety and OCD and depression in these kids before the pandemic. Then the pandemic didn’t help. I also wonder whether the push to have kids so scheduled is also, in its way, isolating. It seems like a lot of kids “socialize” through activities—clubs or sports. They are very busy with those. But are they developing real friendships? The kind where they can just hang out and be themselves and talk about their hopes, dreams, worries? My teen has sports practice most nights and is very ride of die with her sports team. But would any of those kids be friends if the team disbanded? I guess being busy with activities is better than just flipping through tiktok but it still doesn’t seem to me the same as the sort of friendships we had. I hear all the time that the kids just sit on their phones or chromebooks at lunch — no one talks. I drive carpool and the kids are mostly quiet on their phones unless I spark conversation by asking questions, which can sometimes get them talking amongst themselves.

catch 22 -- more leisure time leads to more time on the phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a lot of things going on. I was seeing crazy high rates on anxiety and OCD and depression in these kids before the pandemic. Then the pandemic didn’t help. I also wonder whether the push to have kids so scheduled is also, in its way, isolating. It seems like a lot of kids “socialize” through activities—clubs or sports. They are very busy with those. But are they developing real friendships? The kind where they can just hang out and be themselves and talk about their hopes, dreams, worries? My teen has sports practice most nights and is very ride of die with her sports team. But would any of those kids be friends if the team disbanded? I guess being busy with activities is better than just flipping through tiktok but it still doesn’t seem to me the same as the sort of friendships we had. I hear all the time that the kids just sit on their phones or chromebooks at lunch — no one talks. I drive carpool and the kids are mostly quiet on their phones unless I spark conversation by asking questions, which can sometimes get them talking amongst themselves.

Yep, I picked up my 6th grader and a friend from an activity last night and the friend just watched videos on his phone the whole way home. (My kid doesn’t have a phone yet.) I’ve seen this play out a million times. The kids are hooked and it’s so much easier to get lost in your phone than to work on genuine human connections.

As for the sports, I think more activity/movement of any kind would be so helpful, but if a kid doesn’t have the skills by middle school, a lot of them just don’t have many options to be part of a team. Rec sports are harder and harder to find the older they get. There’s so much pressure to specialize at young ages that so few of them seem to play anything for fun by the teen years.

[Anonymous]

I don't have any answers (or daughters - all boys here), but I thank you for this post and discussion, OP. I was horrified when I heard the news about this study yesterday and then read the detailed story in the Post this morning. One in three teenage girls has considered suicide?? Dear God.

[Anonymous]

We didn't know how badly social media would effect our teens when we bought them phones.
Now we do know.

No excuses. Get rid of the phones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We didn't know how badly social media would effect our teens when we bought them phones.
Now we do know.

No excuses. Get rid of the phones.

Individuals getting rid of the phones doesn't get rid of social media access or even the problem.

My son doesn't have social media and got bullied on Tik Tok. His friends showed him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We didn't know how badly social media would effect our teens when we bought them phones.
Now we do know.

No excuses. Get rid of the phones.

Individuals getting rid of the phones doesn't get rid of social media access or even the problem.

My son doesn't have social media and got bullied on Tik Tok. His friends showed him.

R u serious?

Your DS doesn't have a phone and wasn't bullied. His friends, bless their hearts, were trying to help, but it wasn't necessary. He wasn't bullied.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We didn't know how badly social media would effect our teens when we bought them phones.
Now we do know.

No excuses. Get rid of the phones.

+ 1,000,000. Just do it.