Burnt out parent volunteers

[Anonymous]

I volunteered last year for the first time at DC school but this year I have hard time finding motivation. Basically there are 2-3 parents ‘running the show’. They work very hard but they also are super close to each other and kind of cliquy. When I showed up to help I felt I was just a tool for their plans, not an active part of a team. The only reason for me to continue is that DC really enjoys having me there and I know the school is struggling keeping an eye on so many kids during recess/lunch

[Anonymous]

I volunteered for years for clubs and sports. I agree with the self life comment. I find it harder with older DC. Loved the time I spent doing it for school and sports teams, but thankfully less required in HS years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Volunteers have a shelf-life, OP.

I was on the board of a PTA organization for 5-6 years until I felt I could no longer provide creative solutions, at which point I found my replacement and left on cordial terms.

And to the parents complaining that the PTA does nothing useful, our most important work was:
1. With other PTAs, provide a bulwark against real estate developers in the pockets of MCPS central office and county government to bring them to the table and force them to provide data that can later be used against them (they never keep their promises), in relation to building moratoriums around our overcrowded schools.
2. Raise large amounts of money to buy or maintain Promethium boards, playground equipment, recess games, maker-type activities, monetary support for the few MCPS instructional allotments that allow private funds, including paying teachers to tutor after school, as well as cultural and artistic residences for artists to stay for weeks and provide enrichment to students.
3. Discreetly identify, feed and clothe the portion of kids that needed it (and a provide a pantry for vacations), as well as develop liaisons with multiple ESOL populations that enroll their kids in our very international school, to support their needs.

PTAs can and do support really important academic and socio-economic endeavors. It's not your Grandma's bake sale. I don't think we ever had a bake sale, in fact.

classic PTA mom hypocrisy. “We discreetly help the poor kids whilst campaigning against affordable housing!”

The PTA at my school actually voted against helping the poor kids. On multiple occasions. So I guess at they aren't hypocrites?

OP, just quit volunteering. There is a really good chance that you aren't as critical as you think. Many volunteers imagine the organization can't do without them, but when they quit the organization goes on as if nothing happened. Because ultimately, if it's a volunteer position, then it probably isn't critical to anything.

[Anonymous]

I hear you OP. I work and do a handful of volunteer positions and try to finish out whatever I agree to. That said I reluctantly agreed to be a cookie manager for Girl Scouts this year because no one else would and I hate it so much. It is way worse than I expected. I may do one more year because there was so much effort put into figuring out the ridiculous system and my DD troop is great but if I do that I am doing NOTHING else. I would rather write a check if that were possible, the whole system makes you feel like your time is worthless. In the future I will exclusively volunteer for things at the school or that I can really get behind on a value basis because none of this has been fulfilling at all.

[Anonymous]

The PTA at our school has meetings outdoors in warm weather and online in cold weather. Apparently this is still for covid precaution. I'm not participating because I can't form relationships and community online. A large point of the volunteering for me is for community building. No way I'm joining another depressing Zoom meeting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of this volunteering is make work that was created by stay at home moms to make them feel useful. And a lot of it roots back to years when sahms had more household help.

Just stop doing it unless you feel you get something back that’s worth the time.

Misogynistic BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Volunteers have a shelf-life, OP.

I was on the board of a PTA organization for 5-6 years until I felt I could no longer provide creative solutions, at which point I found my replacement and left on cordial terms.

And to the parents complaining that the PTA does nothing useful, our most important work was:
1. With other PTAs, provide a bulwark against real estate developers in the pockets of MCPS central office and county government to bring them to the table and force them to provide data that can later be used against them (they never keep their promises), in relation to building moratoriums around our overcrowded schools.
2. Raise large amounts of money to buy or maintain Promethium boards, playground equipment, recess games, maker-type activities, monetary support for the few MCPS instructional allotments that allow private funds, including paying teachers to tutor after school, as well as cultural and artistic residences for artists to stay for weeks and provide enrichment to students.
3. Discreetly identify, feed and clothe the portion of kids that needed it (and a provide a pantry for vacations), as well as develop liaisons with multiple ESOL populations that enroll their kids in our very international school, to support their needs.

PTAs can and do support really important academic and socio-economic endeavors. It's not your Grandma's bake sale. I don't think we ever had a bake sale, in fact.

classic PTA mom hypocrisy. “We discreetly help the poor kids whilst campaigning against affordable housing!”

The PTA at my school actually voted against helping the poor kids. On multiple occasions. So I guess at they aren't hypocrites?

OP, just quit volunteering. There is a really good chance that you aren't as critical as you think. Many volunteers imagine the organization can't do without them, but when they quit the organization goes on as if nothing happened. Because ultimately, if it's a volunteer position, then it probably isn't critical to anything.

Our PTAs most successful foray into political advocacy was to oppose boundary changes that might result in poor kids attending

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The PTA at our school has meetings outdoors in warm weather and online in cold weather. Apparently this is still for covid precaution. I'm not participating because I can't form relationships and community online. A large point of the volunteering for me is for community building. No way I'm joining another depressing Zoom meeting.

It was the same at our school last year. I took a survey and commented that I was not interested in any sort of Zoom or online activities and apparently I got put on some sort of blacklist. I showed up to volunteer (masked) for the book fair and they told me to go home!
Yes, a huge part of it is community building. Why would I want to donate my time to people who I don't like? Especially things that don't benefit my own kids directly.
We are at a new school now and I get to do lunch monitor and help the art teacher out as well as fun events. At the old school parents are still banned from the building except for a select few events.
I have noticed that the volunteers at the new school are all different ages whereas at the old school there were a lot of starry eyed kindergarten moms wanting to help and no one with older kids. That says something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I volunteered last year for the first time at DC school but this year I have hard time finding motivation. Basically there are 2-3 parents ‘running the show’. They work very hard but they also are super close to each other and kind of cliquy. When I showed up to help I felt I was just a tool for their plans, not an active part of a team. The only reason for me to continue is that DC really enjoys having me there and I know the school is struggling keeping an eye on so many kids during recess/lunch

Oh wow, are you me? This is exactly my story. Last year was our first real (non-virtual) year in public school and I went to every PTA meeting and volunteered for everything and found myself just feeling exhausted because, yeah, it was just this small group of 3 or 4 families with multiple kids at the school who all knew each other and planned everything. There were times when I'd volunteer for something and then show up and no one would be there, and I'd text someone on the PTA board and they'd say "oh so sorry, we moved it to another house/cancelled/rescheduled -- I thought we'd let everyone know!" Like this happened more than once. I was just a clueless mom of one kid in K, had never had the chance to participate in PTA before and I just wound up feeling like my help was not actually wanted. This year I skip the meetings, I volunteered twice in the fall and will maybe volunteer once this spring, and then we attend events as our kid is interested. But I'm not trying beyond that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I volunteered last year for the first time at DC school but this year I have hard time finding motivation. Basically there are 2-3 parents ‘running the show’. They work very hard but they also are super close to each other and kind of cliquy. When I showed up to help I felt I was just a tool for their plans, not an active part of a team. The only reason for me to continue is that DC really enjoys having me there and I know the school is struggling keeping an eye on so many kids during recess/lunch

Oh wow, are you me? This is exactly my story. Last year was our first real (non-virtual) year in public school and I went to every PTA meeting and volunteered for everything and found myself just feeling exhausted because, yeah, it was just this small group of 3 or 4 families with multiple kids at the school who all knew each other and planned everything. There were times when I'd volunteer for something and then show up and no one would be there, and I'd text someone on the PTA board and they'd say "oh so sorry, we moved it to another house/cancelled/rescheduled -- I thought we'd let everyone know!" Like this happened more than once. I was just a clueless mom of one kid in K, had never had the chance to participate in PTA before and I just wound up feeling like my help was not actually wanted. This year I skip the meetings, I volunteered twice in the fall and will maybe volunteer once this spring, and then we attend events as our kid is interested. But I'm not trying beyond that.

New poster, also K mom. Very similar story, especially meetings being moved without notifying me. I still volunteer because I want to stay involved but I get this dread in my stomach every time I sign up for something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I volunteered last year for the first time at DC school but this year I have hard time finding motivation. Basically there are 2-3 parents ‘running the show’. They work very hard but they also are super close to each other and kind of cliquy. When I showed up to help I felt I was just a tool for their plans, not an active part of a team. The only reason for me to continue is that DC really enjoys having me there and I know the school is struggling keeping an eye on so many kids during recess/lunch

Oh wow, are you me? This is exactly my story. Last year was our first real (non-virtual) year in public school and I went to every PTA meeting and volunteered for everything and found myself just feeling exhausted because, yeah, it was just this small group of 3 or 4 families with multiple kids at the school who all knew each other and planned everything. There were times when I'd volunteer for something and then show up and no one would be there, and I'd text someone on the PTA board and they'd say "oh so sorry, we moved it to another house/cancelled/rescheduled -- I thought we'd let everyone know!" Like this happened more than once. I was just a clueless mom of one kid in K, had never had the chance to participate in PTA before and I just wound up feeling like my help was not actually wanted. This year I skip the meetings, I volunteered twice in the fall and will maybe volunteer once this spring, and then we attend events as our kid is interested. But I'm not trying beyond that.

PP here. I am wondering if we have kids in the same school..

[Anonymous]

Wow you guys are thirsty and hypersensitive.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I think the role of parent volunteers is hugely overstated. Parents should write checks, schools/districts should hire/purchase whatever additional help is required. It’s outdated and assumes the time and energy of parents (mostly women) has no value.

[Anonymous]

Sincere thanks to those of you who do a lot for the community. I notice and appreciate it. I do as much as I can but I know some of you are absolutely working your butts off.

[Anonymous]

I’m a room parent this year for the first time. The other 2 room parents have been doing it for years, and they’re totally checked out. I do like 90% of the work, and they will do something only if l ask them directly, they don’t read any of the emails. I guess they’re both totally burned out. I don’t know why they’re still pretending to volunteer.

I didn’t sign up for a one woman show, won’t be doing this again.