What's the Big Deal with Students Addressing Teachers By First Name?

[Anonymous]

Strikes me as a distinction that's more about the administrators' respect for the preferences of individual teachers on this issue than about kids' respect for teachers.

I think that the Chinese teacher at GDS argued it would be culturally inappropriate for students to call her by her first name and so they use honorifics in Chinese classes.

[Anonymous]

Kevin taught me English a long, long time ago and I can't imagine having more respect for a teacher than I have for him. I also respect Gary and Dorothy and John and Jeff and many others. They were amazing teachers who gave me intellectual gifts that I will have for the rest of my life. I teach my own children, now in high school, to address people by mr. and mrs unless invited to call someone by their first name. My kids will say yes sir and no sir to anyone they don't know well. They look people in the eye and have a firm hand shake. If they went to GDS i would love it if they had my same teachers and called them by their first names.
GDS is a really, really special school. I get it that some people don't like the idea of their kids calling teachers by their first names, but please, please don't think that the relationship between a GDS student and a teacher is any less respectful because of the first name thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah but at GDS teachers do not have a choice--they must go by first name. At Sidwell teachers choose.

This is an interesting point. In a lot of schools, teachers don't have a choice. Though, I've never seen anyone really have an issue with it. Which isn't to say it doesn't happen, just that I haven't witnessed it. It would be interesting to see how a school that doesn't otherwise give a choice handles a situation like that. Very telling.

[Anonymous]

plain and simple - There are no boundaries in this case, which only adds to students' sense of entitlement and teachers' lack of authority.

[Anonymous]

I am one of the earliest pp's with kids attending schools using both first names and also official titles. In the bigger realm, this is a very small point to consider when choosing schools.

I think what concerns parents is whether this lack of formality leads to the loosening of other behavioral aspects. Our first school was very informal - first names, relaxed dress codes, very little structure and all kid-initiated work. While my child did very well with this system, as he got older, he needed more structure. Especially organizational skills.

Second school very structured, dress code including dresses/coats/ties, formal titles and teachers as motivators. It really worked much better for him. Structure, expected behavior/performance levels and organization can be very good things.

My only real concern about using first names is that etiquette rules state you should always use a title until the other person gives you permission to use their first name. Something to consider as your child gets older, gets a job or even travels or works internationally. The US has always had a bad rap as a country that is too informal in its manners and we often insult international businesspeople without understanding why.

[Anonymous]

I think children using titles and surnames to address teachers helps reinforce the boundaries between teachers and kids. In general, I believe that's a good thing. I agree that one can communicate respect using either a first name or a surname, but I think the boundaries are clearer in the latter case.

I don't believe it's helpful to my 5 year-old to call teachers by their first names. I wouldn't rule out a high school on the basis of teachers being addressed by first name, but I'd also wonder why it was required that students do so. It seems a bit rigid.

[Anonymous]

I love the idea that if you call a teacher by your his or her first name that it threatens boundaries between adults and children. You live in a very fragile world.

[Anonymous]

So judgmental, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love the idea that if you call a teacher by your his or her first name that it threatens boundaries between adults and children. You live in a very fragile world.

Gee, where did I say it "threatens" boundaries? I said it makes them clearer. I think there's a wee bit of a distinction, no? If I'd meant threatened I would surely have managed to come up with that word on my own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love the idea that if you call a teacher by your his or her first name that it threatens boundaries between adults and children. You live in a very fragile world.

Gee, where did I say it "threatens" boundaries? I said it makes them clearer. I think there's a wee bit of a distinction, no? If I'd meant threatened I would surely have managed to come up with that word on my own.

To clarify: I didn't say it threatens boundaries for kids to use first names. I said kids using last names makes boundaries clearer. I hope THAT is sufficiently clear now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a professor, I see students who show respect and those who do not--and the difference does not hinge upon whether or not students call me by my first name. I allow students to call me Prof, Dr, Ms, or First Name. When students email me, they show disrespect by addressing me "Yo Prof!" (seriously), rather than "Dear First Name." It's all context.

Yes, that is my experience, too. A professor or teacher can establish a relationship with a student based on mutual respect that is separate from whether the student is on a first-name basis with the prof.

[Anonymous]

I have a middle schooler at a first-names-only school which is also very progressive. As near as I can tell, it does not reduce the respect the students have for the teachers (although it does change the expression of that respect), nor does it diminish the authority the teachers have. My son still is expected to complete his homework, he is expected to follow directions, and he is sent to "promptness class" (lunchtime study hall) if he is late to class too many times. He still routinely uses last names with adults outside of school, including the parents of his school friends, unless invited to do otherwise.

I do, however, understand that others would not be comfortable with this setup. Indeed, there are other things at the school which would probably make some families very uncomfortable. And, of course, there are schools we would never consider for our children that others love. So it goes.

[Anonymous]

My kids have attended both kinds of schools. I have to say that a more formal environment overall (not just names) appears to be more conducive to developing kids with a greater sense of respect and ability to interact appropriately with kids and adults. I think clear boundaries are very helpful to developing social skills.

[Anonymous]

Let's call it what it is. It's not about boundaries (if it were, teachers would address students formally as well). It's about hierarchy.

[Anonymous]

No child is the social equal of an adult. That is what use of the requisite title reinforces.