4yo overnight screaming and early waking. We're so tired!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, wait, you want him to sleep past six! Are you insane?

Why is that insane? It's recommended that kids that age get 10-13 hours of sleep a day. He no longer naps so sleeping 8-6 overnight is on the low end of that, but he has regularly been waking up much earlier (as well as overnight with no concept of what time it was). Conventional sleep wisdom suggested the overnight and early morning wakeups were due to high cortisol from overtiredness, so we tried an early bedtime around 7, which didn't help so we're back to 8 now. Again, this seems to be on the late end for a 3 year old who doesn't nap, but obviously all kids are different.

For everyone's sake it would be great to get back to consolidated sleep overnight but of course we can't force him to sleep, really ever... if he doesn't need more sleep or rest, our goals are to help him understand what time of day it is, entertain himself in his room until a reasonable hour, and not wake up the whole family.

[Anonymous]

OP -- is it possible that he's hungry and that's why he's waking up?

Our 4 yo was waking up... I started giving him a banana before he fell asleep and now he stays asleep until 7:30am.

[Anonymous]

https://amerisleep.com/blog/banana-before-bed/#:~:text=But%20did%20you%20know%20bananas,cycle%20with%20serotonin%20and%20melatonin.

[Anonymous]

This is going to be unpopular, but you can sleep in a sleeping bag in his room and basically tell him to keep in bed quietly once he wakes up.

[Anonymous]

Does he share a room with his sibling? My 4yo does, and she's pretty bad about waking up a lot at night as well. I can usually threaten to move her to a bedroom by herself so she doesn't wake her sister, which can be effective. My pediatrician also recommended moving the sister out of the bedroom into our room (temporarily) as a way to get the 4yo to stay in her room since she does NOT like to sleep by herself. For the record, he also said sometimes you do need to "lock" them in (ie, hold the door closed, not padlock or whatever). He said yes, they'll flip out and go hysterical. But you hold the door closed, calmly tell them you love them but it's time to go to bed (so they're not alone locked in the room) until they fall asleep, often on the floor by the door. He said it may take only a day or two of that, though it's obviously a last resort.

[Anonymous]

Yikes! Some of you sound really rigid. My oldest only slept 10 hours at this age even without the nap. It stinks but that’s how it is. She still goes to bed later than many of her friends but now sleeps reliably until 7. My younger one has always been super inconsistent. We try to keep him quiet but I think it’s a lot to ask of a kid especially if they are scared. Haven’t your kids ever come into your room shaking from a nightmare? The problem with many of those ok to wake clocks is they are really bright. My kids are sensitive to light and we found it was better to just say the clock has to have this number (6) here. A 4 year old can do that just fine. But I would think sometimes they need help to understand it’s really the middle of the night and they need to try to go back to sleep. One of my kids has been up for the day way too early and then had meltdowns at school, so for us it was important to emphasize they trying to sleeping aspect of it. YMMV

[Anonymous]

Our bedrooms are located off one hallway in the house. I put a baby gate up at the end of the hallway when my 4 year old goes to bed. (So we are all behind this gate at night.) This way he access to the bathroom but not freedom to move about the house. I made a sign that says if his clock is black, stay in bed; yellow, he can do x,y,z; green, open the gate and time to get up. The gate has been a helpful visual cue for us. (He is also very strong-willed… when we first started this system, I saw his overheard light was on when it wasn’t supposed to be. I told him the light needed to go off and he responded, “I need the light on to see the sign you made.”)

[Anonymous]

I am uncertain where all of you find these kids that sleep from 7 am past 6 am in one go.

I had the best sleeper ever, so to say, with my first one, and he woke up at 6 am, after going to bed around 7ish at 4 years old. He did also take a nap. I suggest op tries a nap again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes! Some of you sound really rigid. My oldest only slept 10 hours at this age even without the nap. It stinks but that’s how it is. She still goes to bed later than many of her friends but now sleeps reliably until 7. My younger one has always been super inconsistent. We try to keep him quiet but I think it’s a lot to ask of a kid especially if they are scared. Haven’t your kids ever come into your room shaking from a nightmare? The problem with many of those ok to wake clocks is they are really bright. My kids are sensitive to light and we found it was better to just say the clock has to have this number (6) here. A 4 year old can do that just fine. But I would think sometimes they need help to understand it’s really the middle of the night and they need to try to go back to sleep. One of my kids has been up for the day way too early and then had meltdowns at school, so for us it was important to emphasize they trying to sleeping aspect of it. YMMV

It is called lazy parenting, where parents' needs come before the kid, that they allegedly had because they wanted a child. They should feed their kids only iron-depleted foods, I hear anemic kids make for great sleepers!

[Anonymous]

I agree its overtiredness. A 4 year old who isn't napping absolutely needs 11 hours minimum, and some even need 12+. I'd just stick with the earlier bedtime and try to ride it out. Tell him he absolutely cannot leave his room or make any noise until the ok to wait light goes off. Make the morning as boring as possible and do not reward him in any way including screens. I'm shocked how many parents allow a cartoon first thing in the morning and don't know why their kids are so excited to get up early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree its overtiredness. A 4 year old who isn't napping absolutely needs 11 hours minimum, and some even need 12+. I'd just stick with the earlier bedtime and try to ride it out. Tell him he absolutely cannot leave his room or make any noise until the ok to wait light goes off. Make the morning as boring as possible and do not reward him in any way including screens. I'm shocked how many parents allow a cartoon first thing in the morning and don't know why their kids are so excited to get up early.

Totally agree. I would never authorize morning screens just to get another hour sleep! It’s setting up your day to be sh&t with a rowdy, overtired kid.

Kid needs a nap or more hours at night and a BORING early morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't contain a 4 year old with crib. You'll just have to teach him to stay in bed and wait until a set time (let's say 7 AM). Put a clock in there and tell him what hour hand it is.

My son is 7 and he only sleeps from 9 to 6:30ish. I told him to stay in bed until 7. Some kids just don't need 12 hours every day.

That's what we're trying to do, but he doesn't listen. Did you son always agree to stay til 7 or when he got older?

If he doesn't listen he stays in his room during the day. Lock the door and don't respond. He'll figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't contain a 4 year old with crib. You'll just have to teach him to stay in bed and wait until a set time (let's say 7 AM). Put a clock in there and tell him what hour hand it is.

My son is 7 and he only sleeps from 9 to 6:30ish. I told him to stay in bed until 7. Some kids just don't need 12 hours every day.

That's what we're trying to do, but he doesn't listen. Did you son always agree to stay til 7 or when he got older?

If he doesn't listen he stays in his room during the day. Lock the door and don't respond. He'll figure it out.

Please don't listen to this abusive parent. Locking the kid in the room? Jesus!

[Anonymous]

Why is no one talking about the screaming? Are they night terrors? What happens during these episodes?

I’m an adult who has night terrors and they are much MUCH more frequent if I’m overtired. Like if I have only gotten 5 or 6 hours of sleep the night before I’m almost guaranteed to have multiple screaming night terrors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes! Some of you sound really rigid. My oldest only slept 10 hours at this age even without the nap. It stinks but that’s how it is. She still goes to bed later than many of her friends but now sleeps reliably until 7. My younger one has always been super inconsistent. We try to keep him quiet but I think it’s a lot to ask of a kid especially if they are scared. Haven’t your kids ever come into your room shaking from a nightmare? The problem with many of those ok to wake clocks is they are really bright. My kids are sensitive to light and we found it was better to just say the clock has to have this number (6) here. A 4 year old can do that just fine. But I would think sometimes they need help to understand it’s really the middle of the night and they need to try to go back to sleep. One of my kids has been up for the day way too early and then had meltdowns at school, so for us it was important to emphasize they trying to sleeping aspect of it. YMMV

It is called lazy parenting, where parents' needs come before the kid, that they allegedly had because they wanted a child. They should feed their kids only iron-depleted foods, I hear anemic kids make for great sleepers!

No, sorry all the pediatric sleep experts agree with us. It’s not laziness, it’s actually harder to ensure good sleep. Your kids are chronically sleep deprived.