Am I being too uptight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also OP: it actually worked out fine. They came for an hour. Spouse said we couldn’t do dinner. I stayed in my office.

Sounds like DH has this under control and knows how to say no to his parents. That's excellent, OP. I'd let this go. Maybe tonight you felt especially wound up about it since it's the end of holidays and everyone's tired and back to work and school. Glad DH handled it.

[Anonymous]

Way uptight. Do dinner with them and then disappear to your room to get work done or order X for the kids or take a shower and stay there until they leave.

[Anonymous]

OMG talk to your husband. Explain to him that he needs to talk to you before green-lighting plans. Tell him that when you say “it’s not a good night” the deal is that you will only say that when it’s actually fully true, but when you do say it, he needs to respect it with no argument or negotiation.

Tell him that if they’re around when you don’t want them to be, you will NOT be around.

[Anonymous]

Use your mouth (but perhaps give your husband the option of communicating if he prefers).

Say you love spending time with them but can enjoy it more if you have a clear plate (schedule-wise), food in the house, etc. So, for the new year you would appreciate them giving you X amount of time's notice. That will allow you to be more relaxed, then say your first day back to work.

Smile and say, thanks for understanding. Then move on to some happy distraction in the conversation.

You are partly at fault by just letting this happen.

(I don't even like when MY family CALLS me without some advance planning!)

[Anonymous]

They will keep doing this so long as you always say 'yes'.
It is normal and ok if it is OK with you and DH, otherwise it doesn't matter what we think, you do you.

If you do not like these drop in visits; you and DH need to be on the same page. Either with frequency (no more than 1x per month) and hold to it, or it is always a 'no' without at least 1 day notice, and stick to it.

Boundaries are not bad things, they allow us to have healthy and meaningful relationships with those we love and care about. It is ok to identify boundaries with DH and to enforse them with the inlaws.