What's wrong with me that I seem to have problem working with female supervisor

[Anonymous]

I have never asked her for any help for consult her for expertise

I think this is it. IDK why but female bosses want you to need them. It's a closeness and asked-for vulnerability that many of us aren't comfortable with because, frankly, it's not like we completely trust her.

Op, I'm guessing, that in all aspects of your life, you're more comfortable with men. Do you have brothers?

[Anonymous]

This thread is so weird.

I have worked over 20 years, for both men and women, and I find no difference across the board on either based on gender. I have had a lot of bosses because my workplaces have rotational assignments. Maybe if you stopped assigning personality traits based on gender you’d have better relationships with people because you’d go in without that assumption. People can feel it when you are making those judgments on them.

[Anonymous]

I have typically found that people who say they don’t work well with a boss based on something like age or gender are just not very good employees. The odds that 50% of the population has a problem with your work is likely not a 50% of the population problem. I have found this to be true of both men and women.

[Anonymous]

I would guess that the foreigner aspect is contributing to this. Women who are born and raised here act very different from us foreigners. It's especially harder on white foreign women because people already expect a cultural difference with black/ brown women but not necessarily with white women.

Foreigners are a little too outspoken and naive about the US workplace culture. ( these are neither negative nor positive qualifications, just differences), and it's hard to initially make that connection with women here. It seems easier for foreign women to connect with men and vice versa ecause there is not an expected natural connection on either side like there is with women to women relationships.

Acknowledge the differences, find some connection and try harder to form that relationship.
You have to really reach out to these supervisors and show them that you are eager to learn, very interested, and hardworking. It's hard to misinterpret our attitude as off putting and disinterested( you have to keep verbally selling yourself here vs. just showing your work in ways that would be considered obnoxious in our countries of origin).

Long story short: you( and your supervisor) are probably expecting a better relationship to form organically because you are both women. You have to try harder to connect.

[Anonymous]

I too really like working for men. Maybe because every female I’ve ever worked for (3) is worse than the next. I’ve been screamed and and belittled. Two of them were a lot older than me and part of their issue was that they felt that the younger generation had privileges that we didn’t earn the way they did. They hated maternity leave. Women also seem to take things more personally and wanted to discuss my personal life.

I’m a female manager and am trying not to follow in their footsteps. I have both male and female employees and I like all of them equally.

[Anonymous]

I will double down on all this and say that, as a Black woman, my two worst bosses have been Black women. The best have been white men. I think some of what has been discussed here contributed to the issues, such as the women being micromanagers as well as wanting to chat about my personal life and so on. The white men mentored me and helped guide my career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so weird.

I have worked over 20 years, for both men and women, and I find no difference across the board on either based on gender. I have had a lot of bosses because my workplaces have rotational assignments. Maybe if you stopped assigning personality traits based on gender you’d have better relationships with people because you’d go in without that assumption. People can feel it when you are making those judgments on them.

NP. I have worked for several different male supervisors and a couple female supervisors and find it hard to work for/click with female supervisors. The male supervisors have either mentored me and been excellent supervisors or have been just fine, hands-off and expecting and receiving good work. DH has had the same experience. My college roommate has also had the same experience. IMHO, men are better supervisors than women with few exceptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so weird.

I have worked over 20 years, for both men and women, and I find no difference across the board on either based on gender. I have had a lot of bosses because my workplaces have rotational assignments. Maybe if you stopped assigning personality traits based on gender you’d have better relationships with people because you’d go in without that assumption. People can feel it when you are making those judgments on them.

NP. I have worked for several different male supervisors and a couple female supervisors and find it hard to work for/click with female supervisors. The male supervisors have either mentored me and been excellent supervisors or have been just fine, hands-off and expecting and receiving good work. DH has had the same experience. My college roommate has also had the same experience. IMHO, men are better supervisors than women with few exceptions.

I’m sure you’re a fantastic employee to all those women, as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so weird.

I have worked over 20 years, for both men and women, and I find no difference across the board on either based on gender. I have had a lot of bosses because my workplaces have rotational assignments. Maybe if you stopped assigning personality traits based on gender you’d have better relationships with people because you’d go in without that assumption. People can feel it when you are making those judgments on them.

NP. I have worked for several different male supervisors and a couple female supervisors and find it hard to work for/click with female supervisors. The male supervisors have either mentored me and been excellent supervisors or have been just fine, hands-off and expecting and receiving good work. DH has had the same experience. My college roommate has also had the same experience. IMHO, men are better supervisors than women with few exceptions.

I’m sure you’re a fantastic employee to all those women, as well.

Right? Illustrating the point.

[Anonymous]

Those of you who are stating, as fact, that women make poor supervisors need to get with the program. I certainly hope you don’t ever expect to be promoted to a Supervisory position or that you’d daughters or nieces would either. I hope you never ever ever refer to yourself as a feminist. I hope that you examine other parts of your lives where you judge people based on one outward trait, and think twice before you criticize people as racist or ageist in some manner or form. You’re a bigot. That’s the one fact. Not OP, who is asking (I believe genuinely) for feedback regarding her own implicit bias. But those of you responding with thoughtless responses based on your own feeling of superiority when a man is your mentor. Like you’re the super special woman who he decided to hand hold. You’re better than the other women, right? So your opinion is somehow more important.

Just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean you’re not a sexist.

[Anonymous]

My absolute worse bosses have been women without kids. Almost all of them have been rigid, micromanagers. I do my job well and don’t need a lot if oversight. I have developed a lot of work relationships so I can run by different scenarios or ask fir advice from colleagues without pestering my bosses. I don’t work well with micromanagers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would guess that the foreigner aspect is contributing to this. Women who are born and raised here act very different from us foreigners. It's especially harder on white foreign women because people already expect a cultural difference with black/ brown women but not necessarily with white women.

Foreigners are a little too outspoken and naive about the US workplace culture. ( these are neither negative nor positive qualifications, just differences), and it's hard to initially make that connection with women here. It seems easier for foreign women to connect with men and vice versa ecause there is not an expected natural connection on either side like there is with women to women relationships.

Acknowledge the differences, find some connection and try harder to form that relationship.
You have to really reach out to these supervisors and show them that you are eager to learn, very interested, and hardworking. It's hard to misinterpret our attitude as off putting and disinterested( you have to keep verbally selling yourself here vs. just showing your work in ways that would be considered obnoxious in our countries of origin).

Long story short: you( and your supervisor) are probably expecting a better relationship to form organically because you are both women. You have to try harder to connect.

Yeah. This. I’m an American working in London with Scandinavian bosses. It’s been super challenging working through the many layers of cultural and gender assumptions at play. I feel like I should write a book with all I’ve learned about the importance of self-knowledge and being authentic to yourself, because that’s the only thing you can control.

[Anonymous]

Two additional thoughts:

* Men fall up, they get the benefit of doubt and any problems on their team will be the individual's fault, in many organizations, a teammate's problem will be the female manager's fault so women are more likely to micro manage as they may be held more accountable than a male manager

* Being overly friendly too early can make some female subordinates think that the boss should pick up the slack on their work because they are friends - they would not have this expectation with a male supervisor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who are stating, as fact, that women make poor supervisors need to get with the program. I certainly hope you don’t ever expect to be promoted to a Supervisory position or that you’d daughters or nieces would either. I hope you never ever ever refer to yourself as a feminist. I hope that you examine other parts of your lives where you judge people based on one outward trait, and think twice before you criticize people as racist or ageist in some manner or form. You’re a bigot. That’s the one fact. Not OP, who is asking (I believe genuinely) for feedback regarding her own implicit bias. But those of you responding with thoughtless responses based on your own feeling of superiority when a man is your mentor. Like you’re the super special woman who he decided to hand hold. You’re better than the other women, right? So your opinion is somehow more important.

Just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean you’re not a sexist.

There is so much misogyny on this thread and every time this topic comes up here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so weird.

I have worked over 20 years, for both men and women, and I find no difference across the board on either based on gender. I have had a lot of bosses because my workplaces have rotational assignments. Maybe if you stopped assigning personality traits based on gender you’d have better relationships with people because you’d go in without that assumption. People can feel it when you are making those judgments on them.

+1!

One of the PPs saying “Female bosses want you to need them”?!?!?! My current female boss loves that I rarely ask her for anything. A female former law firm partner loved that she hardly edited my briefs at all.