Supportive Mother

[Anonymous]

Parents feel for kids, no matter if kids are having problems with career or marriage but they also feel sad if kids are lonely so it doesn't matter whose decision it is or who did or didn't pressure, they feel the hurt because they love their kids.

[Anonymous]

Women tend to want marriage more than men but research tells us that the increases in health, wealth, and happiness associated with marriage are disproportionately experienced by men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents feel for kids, no matter if kids are having problems with career or marriage but they also feel sad if kids are lonely so it doesn't matter whose decision it is or who did or didn't pressure, they feel the hurt because they love their kids.

Depends on the parent, not mine.

[Anonymous]

To be honest, women want romance, wedding and playing house, not necessarily actual marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents feel for kids, no matter if kids are having problems with career or marriage but they also feel sad if kids are lonely so it doesn't matter whose decision it is or who did or didn't pressure, they feel the hurt because they love their kids.

Depends on the parent, not mine.

Hugs. PP learn and do better with your kids so their experiences are different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be honest, women want romance, wedding and playing house, not necessarily actual marriage.

Even if they marry at 40 not 25.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s pressuring them to have a career. My mom was like that. She was horrified when I quit due to childcare issues when she would not help out for even an hour.

Do you resent her? Do you resent your decision to quit?

I resent not being emotionally supported by my parents to make the decision best for our family. There was no other option with them but to work and when child care and later special needs were an issue along with a low income (daycare was as much as my take home), it financially didn't make sense for me to work and they were hostile and nasty for years despite never giving us a dime or babysitting (still are). I don't resent her but I don't have much relationship with her for that and other reasons (we aren't a priority to her). I think women (and men) should have the choice to do what is best for their families even if it is different from their parents' choices. Being married opened up an entirely new world of what "support" meant as I have a husband who is extremely supportive and helped me to realize it should be my choice, not theirs. He would have supported my choice to go back and make it work or to stay home. If they would have helped with child care in an emergency, it might have been possible for me to work given they were retired with no responsibilities at the time (and they pressured us into having a child when we did vs. waiting). But, looking back their careers and now their partners were/are far more important to them than I ever was.

I don't resent her but because of her choices/how she treats me we have a very little relationship, which is unfortunate. I am happy with my choice and thankful to have a supportive husband and raise our kids differently than how I was raised. They are our priority and we guide them in making good choices and will support them in any way we can (including child care if we have grandkids and we are physically able).

You resent them because you and your husband wanted them to carry the burden of consequences of your decisions? Yes, most parents would entangle themselves into kid's problems but you cant expect or demand it.

Huh? I resent them for not respecting my choice to work or stay home with my kids vs. their only option via their conditional love is for me to work/daycare. What burden have they had? They have never helped us in any way - money, child care, or even calling to see how we are doing if we are sick. It would have been nice if they stepped in for a few weeks till I could find other child care but they didn't. I didn't ask, and they didn't offer but they knew it was a problem and why I was quitting. They have never got the kids a gift, see them once a year, etc. I never even ask for help when there is a true emergency, such as me being hospitalized. We've always managed just fine on our own. They claimed they wanted grandkids. My staying home vs. working has zero impact on them so there was no need to pressure me and then treat me terribly because I had no choice but to quit when my childcare fell through (or my husband but he earned more money).

You are fortunate if you are your parent's priority. Not all of us are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women tend to want marriage more than men but research tells us that the increases in health, wealth, and happiness associated with marriage are disproportionately experienced by men.

Not for LGBTQ+ spouses!

https://www.washington.edu/news/2017/04/13/married-lgbt-older-adults-are-healthier-happier-than-singles-study-finds/

[Anonymous]

I'm just glad women have choices and there is less judgement than ever in human history.

[Anonymous]

If anything there is more parental pressure to first get advance degrees and build a lucrative career.

[Anonymous]

My parents and all their friends pushed fancy schools, fancy career before marriage and kids. What I will say is controversial, but so many of us have kids with special needs-especially autism which yes has a genetic component, but also is more likely with older father and possible older mother. Also, some of our parents cannot seem to handle that we are still parenting kids at home as they become old and want us to cater to them. Add the special needs to that and we have even less to give them, even being more established in our careers.

There are no easy answers, but there is a reality that eggs age, sperm ages and it is certainly easier to do parenthood in a healthy marriage with a strong foundation.

[Anonymous]

What "Mothers" want for another adult is unimportant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What "Mothers" want for another adult is unimportant

True but don't underestimate burden and influence of parental expectations, even on kids who don't care about parents.

[Anonymous]

If you are saying you prefer them to wait and explore, its an expectation influencing their thoughts and decisions. Well intentioned moms who want kids to "try all styles of relationships" are in a way, undermining and sabotaging their current romantic relationships or not?

[Anonymous]

Adults, should generally, not give advice unless asked. This also applies to Mothers and their adult children. Especially re: relationships: do not impede, do not promote.